Hello. I'm new. I've been feeling really down lately. I keep thinking about my childhood. I'm so lonely. My mom left when I was nine. I still see her a couple times a year, but it's different. I feel motherless. My dreams are consumed by wonderful, loving mothers. I think about it all the time. Is there an actual word for this other than abandonment? I think about having a mother all the time. I'm 19 now. I'm getting too old for this. I don't need a mom now. But I want one. My childhood was less than wonderful, but I feel bad for thinking so. Sigh, I'm just a teenage girl who wants a mother figure in her life more than anything. Is that healthy?