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Why Am I So Gullible?

General Support and Advice - Welcome to Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums: In the past i have been scammed many thousands of dollars, i seem to like helping out others with my ...

 

  1. Why Am I So Gullible?

    In the past i have been scammed many thousands of dollars, i seem to like helping out others with my money even though i'm only on a Government pension meself and never seem to be able to save a decent amount for myself

    I think every night about if i had millions of dollars i would be helping out others all the time..

    I have this friend and i keep on thinking about paying off her home loan and supporting her until the day she dies..even though she may not even want my support

    Is there anything wrong with me?? why am i like this??
    Last edited by Yuray; December 8th, 2010 at 08:33 AM.

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  3. Re: Why Am I So Gullable

    Welcome back Messiahmonkey
    Is there anything wrong with me??
    Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be generous and helpful.

    why am i like this??
    Maybe you just care about people's welfare, or you want people to like and respect you. There is no answer to 'why' in this forum, only suggestions. If you really need to know 'why', a therapist may be able to get to the root of the question, and maybe save you some money in the long run. Pensioners are often the target of scams because of their vulnerability. Philanthropy is a noble calling if you can afford it.

    You mentioned if you had millions of dollars you would help people. Would you do this anonymously or require recognition?

  4. Members who thanked Yuray for this post:

    tryindbt (January 3rd, 2011)

  5. #3
    Join Date
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    Re: Why Am I So Gulllble?

    I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. You just care about others. Everytime I see a person sleeping rough I want to give them money or food and sometimes do, then my friends tell me off because some rough sleepers aren't genuine. I've been homeless and also work now with people who have been so I just want to help. I can understand how you feel. I wouldn't worry to much about why your like it, just be happy that your a nice, kind, caring person, they are admirable qualities to have.
    We must never fail to understand that the securities of home life-of doors, and locks and keys are not there for some of the most vunerable people in our society. John Bird. Founder of The Big Issue.

  6. Re: Why Am I So Gullable

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuray View Post
    Welcome back Messiahmonkey

    Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be generous and helpful.


    Maybe you just care about people's welfare, or you want people to like and respect you. There is no answer to 'why' in this forum, only suggestions. If you really need to know 'why', a therapist may be able to get to the root of the question, and maybe save you some money in the long run. Pensioners are often the target of scams because of their vulnerability. Philanthropy is a noble calling if you can afford it.

    You mentioned if you had millions of dollars you would help people. Would you do this anonymously or require recognition?
    If i had millions or billions as i dream of, i would set up an foundation to help out needy charitys and to help all my family and friends and anyone i felt worthy of giving money too

  7. 2 members thanked Messiahmonkey for this post:

    tryindbt (January 3rd, 2011),Yuray (December 8th, 2010)

  8. #5

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    I think that if you take care of yourself and your own needs first and then want to help others...then it will not cause un-needed emotional and financial strain on you.. And, if you take care of yourself first you do not have to worry about being gullible because you will not allow others to take advantage of you- because you are taking care of yourself first. It sounds a bit weird, but I hope I am making some sense. I can understand about wanting to help others, but please be sure to take care of your needs first so that you can have food on the table, and able to pay your rent, and are happy and not stressed out. I hope what I am trying to say comes across the right way or makes sense. It's sort of wanting to give others what you have, but do not try to give them what you don't have or cannot afford.

  9. #6

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    I am right there with you on this one. I believe what they are telling me is the truth. I get frustrated when I find out I have been manipulated and lied to. It just happened to me. It is heartbraking. I thought I was helping them to get better but what happen was it just helped them to continue to do what they do.

  10. #7

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaMarie View Post
    I am right there with you on this one. I believe what they are telling me is the truth. I get frustrated when I find out I have been manipulated and lied to. It just happened to me. It is heartbraking. I thought I was helping them to get better but what happen was it just helped them to continue to do what they do.
    I'm sorry to say but when someone is "into" something that is not good for them. You have to be very careful in what you do to help them. This of course means financialy, etc. BUT, it also means much more..because you cannot let yourself fall into a co-dependent role in their lives. So, You can offer advice, etc. But, you cannot change them and you cannot be their go to person all the time either. At some point, enough is enough, you know what I mean?

    I am not saying because this has happened to you, but I am just saying that an emotional expense is just as important and valuable as a financial expense. Some people just want attention by their negative behavior.

    I don't know if this makes any sense or fits in your situation, but I've been in similar situations and other friends have been in them and told me about them too. So, mine was financial, but a friend once told someone (after more then 3 times going to get a girl from the house of an abusive boyfriend in the middle of the night) that enough is enough. Because people can pull you into all that drama if you let them and that becomes a negative behavior in itself.

  11. #8

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    It did happen to me. It's a kid she is seventeen and I want to save her. She reminds me of me when I was her age. She is homeless and a drug addict. She is a Russian addoptee who was adopted into an abusive home at twelve. I believe she is precious and has a lot of potential. She doesn't think so. She got me. The stinker. I have set boundaries with her and told her she cannot be in my life unless she is in recovery. She called me from a shelter after she got herself in and then she ran. She is back at it again. She is a heartbreaker.

  12. #9

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaMarie View Post
    It did happen to me. It's a kid she is seventeen and I want to save her. She reminds me of me when I was her age. She is homeless and a drug addict. She is a Russian addoptee who was adopted into an abusive home at twelve. I believe she is precious and has a lot of potential. She doesn't think so. She got me. The stinker. I have set boundaries with her and told her she cannot be in my life unless she is in recovery. She called me from a shelter after she got herself in and then she ran. She is back at it again. She is a heartbreaker.
    I can definitely understand why you want to help..and it is heartbreaking. But, just be sure to protect yourself. Not to be hardened, but protect yourself from being hurt. It's a very difficult thing to do, but it sounds like you have a big heart that is willing to take the risk to help- just be sure to love yourself first. Otherwise you will be hurt again, like you are now. SO, think back and think of what you could have done to protect yourself..where you think you let yourself cross that line that left the door open for that person to hurt you. NOW- none of this means any of this is your fault - because it is NOT! It is something you can use to help yourself learn how not to get hurt. Just like it happens to everyone. You burn your hand on a hot stove to learn not to do that again..you learn not to step on glass, etc. SO, here you will look back and learn how you can help and care for someone else AND keep yourself in a healthy place at the same time. This will empower you the next time..not continue to hurt you. AND, if you encounter similar in the future, you can say to yourself "oh, I know where this will go, so I will focus my attention on this other group I can help". Don't feel bad, there are all learning lessons for us.

    ---------- Post added January 5th, 2011 at 12:03 AM ---------- Previous post was January 4th, 2011 at 11:02 PM ----------

    I also wanted to mention (because I have had to deal with this before too) that during your first time implementing these boundaries you might feel bad...as if you are doing something wrong or selfish..but after a while you will feel good about it. Because you will see that nothing really bad happens...what happens is that you protect yourself from being hurt and you move on. It is not a bad thing, it is the healthy thing to do. Because you do have to be in a good place to be able to help others. just wanted to share that in case you feel might be struggling with some feelings about this...Plus, one more thing..when it comes to any addiction (alcohol, drugs, food, etc. nothing will work until the person addicted is actively doing something about it themselves..it's a fact).

  13. #10

    Re: Why Am I So Gullible?

    I believe this child has been placed in my life so I can learn boundaries. That is what I do with her. She cracks me up. I let her know how I felt and what I thought appropriately. She text me to apologize and ask for forgiveness and to say she would try again. I wish her well and have already decided on boundaries with her. I'm glad to know others have heart like mine.

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