Hello to everyone,this is my first post here,i just want to share some thoughts about how my life is right now,i'm in impasse.
I'm 25 yo,i have no friends,really alone,from teenage years/school till now,i never remember my self to have friends,even 2-3 persons i knew in the past they just disapeared after they passed to university,from then,no contact,no sign,like they neved existed,like i was a strange for them.I have to say i didn't ever loved the learning,i was a bad student,after i finished high school,i had no idea what to do,i didnt knew what subject to follow,the only choice was to pay(my parents of course) much money and go to an institute to learn something,so it happened this way,even that moment i went there i knew it before i wont make it, as always,it was for me another failure to my studies with no results and many money to the recycle bin,didnt succeed to take the certification.Still no friends there,i dont know why,they don't like me or i look so ridiculous guy,makes me feel i always doing something wrong and i can't attract friends.
Also i never had a relationship,never,too bad to be 25 yo and still not to have a girl,shyness,social phobia,coward,to think that the others dont like you.All that stuff maybe was a reason.I'm scared and confused,cause time passes quickly and i don't have daily life,no job,no friends to have fun,to go somewhere,to have interestings,i never felt how it is to have fun with your friends,to have your job,your car,your girlfriend,go your holidays,even with my cousins or relatives i don't have contacts,thats has to do with how i feel with myself,i don't want the others to see how bad my situation is,you know "What are you doing Wovlerine,where do you work?",Wolverine:Ehm...not yet,"Hey Wolverine,do you have girlfriend,how it goes?" Wolverine:Yeah...ahm..sometime...maybe,"Whats up Wolverine,its summer,where you will go with your friends/girl this year for holidays?" Wolverine:Still don't know...but will see...soon..I'm tired of pretending all the time that i'm doing things i know i i'm not doing in reality,just to show a good image.
Things going worse and worse,i'm stuck to my PC everyday all the day without any interesting for life,isolated and alone,dissapointed from my choices,from my character,from everybody,i feel anger inside of me cause i see other ppl doing simple normal things but i remain the same,the person who dont konw what to do with his life.I live with my parents,my father is a cold person,typical relationship with him,the only thing he cares for me is to find job and leave ,he thinks i'm a lazy,he humiliates me,sometimes makes me to hate him but i can't do more,i just asking him to leave me alone in my dark room.I never go out,i never doing nothing,yeah its true,i don't know what i'm waiting for but seems that Ι've given up all,i'm not trying to improve anything.Thats why i hate the days of celebrations,christmas,easter,when the summer coming the others are happy,me no,i don't have nobody to go nowhere.
Summarized,problems has to do with feelings of loneliness, sadness, failure, emptyness,stress and tension,social phobia(i really feel uncomfortable when i'm with many ppl out there),low self-esteem,difficulty in planning and carrying out objectives(i'm starting something and never finish it),negative thoughts all the time(i can't,i don't know,i don't want,i don't like nothing, etc).I tried to go to a psychologist,after 3-4 times i went didn't helped me at all,i dissapointed even deeper after this visit,also i don't have the money for a therapy or going often,i don't want to ask from parents,they don't know i went there,i don't like them to know that.