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No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

General Support and Advice - Welcome to Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums: Hello to everyone,this is my first post here,i just want to share some thoughts about how my life is right ...

 

  1. #1

    Question No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Hello to everyone,this is my first post here,i just want to share some thoughts about how my life is right now,i'm in impasse.

    I'm 25 yo,i have no friends,really alone,from teenage years/school till now,i never remember my self to have friends,even 2-3 persons i knew in the past they just disapeared after they passed to university,from then,no contact,no sign,like they neved existed,like i was a strange for them.I have to say i didn't ever loved the learning,i was a bad student,after i finished high school,i had no idea what to do,i didnt knew what subject to follow,the only choice was to pay(my parents of course) much money and go to an institute to learn something,so it happened this way,even that moment i went there i knew it before i wont make it, as always,it was for me another failure to my studies with no results and many money to the recycle bin,didnt succeed to take the certification.Still no friends there,i dont know why,they don't like me or i look so ridiculous guy,makes me feel i always doing something wrong and i can't attract friends.

    Also i never had a relationship,never,too bad to be 25 yo and still not to have a girl,shyness,social phobia,coward,to think that the others dont like you.All that stuff maybe was a reason.I'm scared and confused,cause time passes quickly and i don't have daily life,no job,no friends to have fun,to go somewhere,to have interestings,i never felt how it is to have fun with your friends,to have your job,your car,your girlfriend,go your holidays,even with my cousins or relatives i don't have contacts,thats has to do with how i feel with myself,i don't want the others to see how bad my situation is,you know "What are you doing Wovlerine,where do you work?",Wolverine:Ehm...not yet,"Hey Wolverine,do you have girlfriend,how it goes?" Wolverine:Yeah...ahm..sometime...maybe,"Whats up Wolverine,its summer,where you will go with your friends/girl this year for holidays?" Wolverine:Still don't know...but will see...soon..I'm tired of pretending all the time that i'm doing things i know i i'm not doing in reality,just to show a good image.

    Things going worse and worse,i'm stuck to my PC everyday all the day without any interesting for life,isolated and alone,dissapointed from my choices,from my character,from everybody,i feel anger inside of me cause i see other ppl doing simple normal things but i remain the same,the person who dont konw what to do with his life.I live with my parents,my father is a cold person,typical relationship with him,the only thing he cares for me is to find job and leave ,he thinks i'm a lazy,he humiliates me,sometimes makes me to hate him but i can't do more,i just asking him to leave me alone in my dark room.I never go out,i never doing nothing,yeah its true,i don't know what i'm waiting for but seems that Ι've given up all,i'm not trying to improve anything.Thats why i hate the days of celebrations,christmas,easter,when the summer coming the others are happy,me no,i don't have nobody to go nowhere.

    Summarized,problems has to do with feelings of loneliness, sadness, failure, emptyness,stress and tension,social phobia(i really feel uncomfortable when i'm with many ppl out there),low self-esteem,difficulty in planning and carrying out objectives(i'm starting something and never finish it),negative thoughts all the time(i can't,i don't know,i don't want,i don't like nothing, etc).I tried to go to a psychologist,after 3-4 times i went didn't helped me at all,i dissapointed even deeper after this visit,also i don't have the money for a therapy or going often,i don't want to ask from parents,they don't know i went there,i don't like them to know that.

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    37
    Posts
    8,596

    re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    If you are in Canada, there is no cost to see a psychiatrist, who can provide at least some brief counseling.

    If you live in the US, I assume you don't have health insurance?
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #3

    re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    I live in a european country,i have health insurance till 29 yo,just i updated it every six months cause i don't have job.I know that there are some clinics i can go for free to ask some suggestions but i dont trust them much i am ashamed to go there.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    37
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    Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Just going to one of those clinics -- just showing up -- could be therapeutic since you seem to avoid social spaces. It's like the Woody Allen line: "Eighty percent of success is just showing up."
    forgetmenot and Esusla like this.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #5

    Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Hi Wolverine Welcome to Psychlinks!

    I can relate to your post quite a bit. I am sure I have written something similar on this forum somewhere. I use to have quite a bit of the same feelings and I would be lying if I said I still don't but they aren't as strong as they once were.

    I use to isolate a lot more than I do now. it's still an issue but slowly improving. I also hate being around people and having to answer their questions about what I am doing with my life and who I am doing it with etc. It's hard when you see everyone around you seemingly doing so well in all the areas that I/you struggle in and it seems so easy for them. It makes isolating a lot easier yet so hard because in the back of your mind your thinking if I don't get out there then I will be like this forever etc.

    I have always felt a little lost when I compare myself to people around me, I assure you that they are just as lost at times, just in other ways. Personally I think that you being aware of all your issues gives you a bit of a jump start on how to help yourself.

    The only thing I can really suggest to you is to get back into therapy in anyway possible. Maybe with the help of someone else you could do some sort of exposure therapy, maybe join a support group with people who have similar issues. This isn't an easy fix, a few times in to visit a psychologist isn't necessarily going to make things better. It may take a very long time. I know that sounds a little daunting but if this is something you really want to try to get help for you have to put the work into it.

    I'm a "tad" bit older than you and have been working on this same type of thing for a very long time and I still have to consciously work at it daily. Some days, weeks, months I get into a place where I just give up for a bit which is fine I suppose but I always come back to the realization that if I don't continue to work then nothing will change for me.

    Anyway, I really hope that you can get some sort of support and will stick with it even if it gets uncomfortable. There is no shame in asking for help. You can help yourself, you just have to believe that you can do all the things that you have been telling yourself you can't do and work hard at getting there.
    forgetmenot likes this.

  7. Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Hi Wolverine the thing is if you get help now it will prevent you from getting even worse it will keep you from spiraling even deeper into depression.
    Your parents hun they would want to help you
    As a parent i would do anything i could to keep my child from suffering and if that meant getting professional help for them i would

    Give your parents a chance to help you ok. 2-4 times hun to a psychologist that is not long enough to really help you you would not have built up a relationship with your therapist or made a connection yet If you can get your parents to help and go back and get some therapy for YOU Do it now before years are wasted being ill hugs

  8. Members who thanked forgetmenot for this post:

    David Baxter (March 22nd, 2012)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
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    Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Hey there Wolverine!

    You want help, that's awesome!

    If you are feeling bad about telling your parents (or afraid) are there any other relatives or mentors you can ask for guidance? Is it possible that if you get someone in your family to pay for your therapy, can you work it off for them by either helping out around their house, or doing chores or errands for them, or if they work at a business, maybe you can do some light cleaning, or couriering... or heck, my brother wore a gorilla suit and sported a big sign to advertise for his place of work. This could work to everyone's benefit... You'd be doing chores other people could really use your help for (giving you some pride and meaning and giving them more free time that they might not have otherwise), and if someone asks what you do for a living, you can say you clean houses, or you do janitorial work, or you paint houses and fences, or you do landscaping and gardening, or haul away people's garbage, or just say you are a handy man of sorts (you do all sorts of things! lol) or a Jack-of-all-Trades...

    Plus this experience will give you something to put on a resume, and you can take that out and look for something. Doesn't have to be extravagant... Start small and work your way up. I used to work in after school programs for kids and instructed or supervised games, and in summer I worked for 6 weeks with children for 8 hours a day doing fun stuff (dodge ball, basketball, field trips, etc)... I've worked in greenhouses, I've been cashiers at various stores (drugstore, grocery store), and I've worked at call centers...

    Try not to feel so bad for not getting a certificate or degree. I have a teaching degree, and all I could do was get jobs substituting for three years. After that I burnt out, and had to do all those jobs I just mentioned. After I worked at one call center I eventually got work at a call center that was a Crown Corporation, and I got in because of my teaching degree. I now make nearly $30 an hour, but I didn't get that job until I was about 37 years old. Some people are way younger than me and they've been there longer than I have... So see? I got a degree for teaching, and I don't even teach! lol Just because you have a degree, or a certificate, it doesn't make you better than anyone else.

    Maybe you have heard of some famous people who didn't even make it through high school? Craig Ferguson, my favourite Late Late Night Show host is one of them. You'll find more here: 10 Famous People Who Didn Like I said, you don't need to have a degree to get somewhere.

    I was told I had to go to university right after high school, and in my case, I don't think that was wise. I did not take my studies seriously, I was not used to studying, actually. I used to get by without much effort so the amount of work and the lack of ability to study nearly did me in at university. I took three years of university, then I left home for three years and really tried everything (waitressing, working as an art instructor at the YMCA, a nanny for three kids...)... After I went back to university, I took out a loan so I could be responsible for myself instead of depending on my parents (and also so I would feel less controlled by them) and even though it took years to pay off that loan, I think it was worth it. Anyway, after those three years living on my own, I really grew up. I had to really push my normal boundaries, had to do some things I might have preferred not to, just to make a living (nothing serious, just wish I could make more money, because I was a bit poor for a while)...

    Anyway, we got your back. Go see what you can do. 8)
    There is always tomorrow...

  10. #8

    Post Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Quote Originally Posted by STP View Post
    Hi Wolverine Welcome to Psychlinks!

    I use to isolate a lot more than I do now. it's still an issue but slowly improving. I also hate being around people and having to answer their questions about what I am doing with my life and who I am doing it with etc. It's hard when you see everyone around you seemingly doing so well in all the areas that I/you struggle in and it seems so easy for them. It makes isolating a lot easier yet so hard because in the back of your mind your thinking if I don't get out there then I will be like this forever etc.

    I have always felt a little lost when I compare myself to people around me, I assure you that they are just as lost at times, just in other ways. Personally I think that you being aware of all your issues gives you a bit of a jump start on how to help yourself.

    The only thing I can really suggest to you is to get back into therapy in anyway possible. Maybe with the help of someone else you could do some sort of exposure therapy, maybe join a support group with people who have similar issues. This isn't an easy fix, a few times in to visit a psychologist isn't necessarily going to make things better. It may take a very long time. I know that sounds a little daunting but if this is something you really want to try to get help for you have to put the work into it.


    Hello STP,ty for your answer,the isolation for me started at the age of 17-18 and year by year i turn in on myself,i felt from that period that nobody cares for me as person,no phone calls,no going out nowhere,no relationships/contacts with nobody,i started to think "why",why i must always running in the back of the others to "please" them to make me their friend,i understand that may i didnt fit with some ppl,but no interest from nobody?I felt it like a rejection,so many rejections too many times."I fault? I'm doing something so wrong?My attitude?".

    Now i am failed,years passed so quickly without to do nothing important in this life,studies failed,friendships failed,with no experiences,no fun,i'm scared to drive a car,to go for an interview about a job,when happening to see in the road a known person from old school years or whatever i'm trying quickly to hide or look down or the opposite side cause i don't want to recognize me and to talk with him/her,i hate this cause i must that moment to pretend again,to say lies that everything seems good,i can't stand this so to be alone in my room its like a little painkiller.

    As you said to compare yourself with ppl around you is wrong,i always doing this,"What have you done Wolverine in your whole life,nothing important,look the others out there,they have fun,they're driving cars,they have relationships,they have studied to university,they're working in a good job they like,yeah maybe they have some problems too in their life,nobody is perfect,but look again,they have interests,you don't have anything of all these,you can't go out there and stand with them in the same place,feeling of inferiority."

    I think i need some kind of a Life Coaching,firstly to stop blaming my self for things,stop comparing what others have done and i don't have succeed to do,believe in yourself that you can make it,i'm not lazy as my family may think,i'm just afraid to start anything cause i have the failure in my mind inside,the fear of failure,"don't do this or that,you will not make it again,you will fail once more".


    Sky Abelar likes this.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Age
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    Posts
    8,596

    Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    I think i need some kind of a Life Coaching,firstly to stop blaming my self for things,stop comparing what others have done and i don't have succeed to do,believe in yourself that you can make it,i'm not lazy as my family may think,i'm just afraid to start anything cause i have the failure in my mind inside,the fear of failure,"don't do this or that,you will not make it again,you will fail once more".
    IMHO, most therapists (who have at least a master's degree) are better life coaches than 90+ percent of the life coaches.

    Even from a skeptical point of view, at least therapists had the motivation/inspiration to get a master's degree or PhD than a relatively simple life coaching certification program.

    (And some life coaches charge at least twice the amount it would cost to see a therapist on a sliding scale fee.)
    David Baxter likes this.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  12. #10

    Re: No friends, no life, lonely, no interests, self-hatred

    Hi Wolverine, I agree with Daniel. I think you would benefit more from actual therapy. Deal with your issues and get some guidance.

    Nobody wants to fail. I completely understand how you would feel that way though. What if you succeed though? You never know until you try. I know it's discouraging to be unsuccessful but imagine how great you will feel about yourself if you push yourself and work hard at getting somewhere and you do well! I am not dismissing how you feel about being afraid, I think I understand that as I feel the same way. If you can get someone to help you and be a support to you, maybe help with your self esteem a bit then these things should get easier for you. I'm not saying everything will be simple but with better self esteem you won't be as hard on yourself and you will feel more confident about trying things and sooner or later, what people think of you just won't matter anymore.

    I don't know, not even 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed that I could change my life around (I still have my bad days) but I think I am on the right track and I believe you can do it too. You may just need a little help and as I said before there is no shame in asking for help.
    David Baxter and forgetmenot like this.

  13. Members who thanked Andy for this post:

    forgetmenot (March 23rd, 2012)

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