Somebody has to know what to do. I feel myself pulling back from everyone and closing up inside myself. I'm tired of hurting, being hurt and feeling alone...
I spent the first half of my life alone in a houseful of people because I could not open up without getting hurt. Every time I did open up, I was betrayed or left alone to cry without any help. If I close down and become apathetic towards everything and just go through life doing what I have to do to care for my responsibilities... the pain grows numb after awhile.
I had found someone who brought trust, passion and joy into my life like a whirlwind. He has become bitter, angry and apathetic... he doesn't reach for me anymore... the passion has gone from his eyes and his touch is almost forced anymore. He loves me, but is dealing with a spinal cord injury and the fact that he cannot walk unassisted anymore, can't work, can't help me around the house and cannot even lay with me in bed without excruciating pain hitting him.
I feel so selfish crying and feeling so lonely and depressed... I keep saying that I have no right to be upset at what is happening to me, when he is going through so much... but I literally can'y bear up anymore. I am falling to pieces because I need him so much. He can't be there for me because he is battling to find his own sense of peace and accept what he has been dealt in life. I try so hard to be loving. I accept his lashouts with grace and quietly stay supportive, because I love him so much and want to help him. I am out of strength. If I close up I will lose eveything. HELP!!