Hello there. My name is SJ and I have agoraphobia, depression with gastritis and irritable bowel syndrome. I've had these disorders for 12 years (I'm 24) and have been receiving accommodations with school to deal with absenteeism. I've tried about 5 different types of anxiety medications over the years and determined that they don't work for me. I also have a history of drug abuse and would rather not take them. Last year, in order to help myself get onto ODSP I began to take meds again. After three weeks of constant, terrible diarrhea quit the meds. I also was rejected by odsp.
My problem is proving I have a serious disability. Because of the nature of agoraphobia it appears as if I am well because I am not seeking help when it's usually when I am at my best that I am able to make it to therapy or doctor’s appointments. I've also apparently gotten too much therapy and no longer qualify to get it from cam H (I had weekly sessions for 10 sessions). Whenever I ask my doctor to find me a therapist, she pretty much blows me off. I told her to find me a therapist a year ago...she never found one. I had to go into the cam H emergency room to get any attention at all. I've lost 20 pounds in the past 2 months because I've been having panic attacks so much and not eating, but as the date for my appointment with my doctor approaches I've put enough on that I would no longer be consider anorexic (according to body mass index) but we'll see if she notices. I also have a habit of not sleeping for days on end. I also have just been diagnosed with advanced periodontal disease because of poor oral hygiene ( I just can't be bothered to wash). Even after being showed the holes in my jawbone, I still just...don't care when I'm depressed. I've started to pick at my gums until they recede.
I just completed my BFA and because I can't work but don't qualify for ODSP I took a minor so i could live off of osap. I've already had 6 absences (they fail you at 3) and just contracted h1n1. I'll probably have to drop this semester. In high school, I dropped out three times because of the panic attacks. I also have quit two jobs in the past two years because of panic attacks and calling in 'sick'. However, I have no way to prove that there was any relationship between my decisions and there being a disorder.
Last year when i applied to ODSP it became clear to me that my doctor discriminated against people with psychological disabilities when she literally said to me that odsp was for people with "real disabilities" and then listed what she thought was real. (apparently I got 3000 worth of disability bursaries for my 'not-real', 'unverifiable' disability)
ANYWAY, for the past 5 years I've been trying to get help from cam h, my doctor, my therapist, my school councillors, my school nurse, my parents, the government to deal with my impending financial situation. They all tell me I'm fine. Even my parents, who have been there for 10 years holding my hair back while i vomit and other sorts of nastiness say I don't qualify because apparently I'm still functional. I am about to go out into the real world and I have 15,000 worth of student loans (and will have much more after two more years)
All I want to do is make sure I don't starve while paying off my loans. I strongly believe that it's imperative I get financial help, above all else, to improve my health and standard of living. This is not an imagined scenario (I am not being illogical, paranoid or unreasonable) please don't say anything that may be informed by CBT or positive thinking. I've had 12 years of that and it's not helpful. I guess what I need is someone to tell me what I can and can not use or should or should not say when I re apply for ODSP.
I'm just sad and angry that, as I get older, the people around me who have the power to help believe more and more that I'm ok, even when I say I’m not as I increasingly become less and less ok.
sigh....that was long....