We have had a long pattern of critical, belittling, baiting games on the part of our mother since childhood. It has caused many problems with everyone in the family, 5 children and father. All of us kids are now adults, the oldest being myself, 48 and my youngest brother 40. In the last 7 years or so, my father, who I thought had more sense, has now taken up the same mean spirited behavior. There has been considerable antaganism between one particular brother and my mother for many years, it seems an unending game of put downs and angry retorts. My mother likes to play the victim, as in, "how can he treat me this way", even though she has been the one that enjoys entaganizing. None of my four brothers is married, I suspect because they are afraid they will end up married to someone just like their mother. My parents are now in their 70's and are still playing the same put down games with snide remarks and pumping us for information for what's going on in our lives and then you find out later, its just done so they can find some kind of fault.
It is to the point that I want nothing to do with them as they obviously will not change their destructive behavior. When I told my father how I resented the mean spirited games that he and my mother play, his response was that "you weren't the easiest child to raise" and "we've done a lot for you". Two of my brothers got into drugs and left home at the age of 17 because they got fed up with my mother's nagging. I was the door mat...always did what they wanted...never got into trouble. I have always felt that I did not live up to their expectations.....that I was not good enough. So here I am at the age of 48, and just with in the last few years begun to figure out that I am a worthwhile human being and that the problem has never been mine, but my mother's for whatever reason
gets her jollies critisizing everyone. And now Dad is playing the same games. No one else in the family has the guts to confront either of them,
as there is hell to pay and they seem quite good at manipulating everyone.
Except me and I haven't had much to do with them these last 5 years.
My mother has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, which I didn't know about until I called my brother Tim. I called my Dad and he started to tell my about her hystorectimy, and then became angry and
wanted to know what am I going to do now.....claimed I have to forgive him or God won't forgive me......never mind about repentance, that is...
changing one's sinful behavior of belittling everyone. He then got very angry and said "Don't bother showing up for the funeral". Another manipulative tactic. So... I am trying not to feel guilty about hating to have time with them. Why do they love antaganizing everyone in the family? It seems to have resulted in an artificial family that only gets together for the obligatory holidays.