QueenOfLies
Member
Hello everyone. I am in my late teens, and struggling with my mother. I believe she has NPD, and has afflicted me with her abuse for years, as well as the rest of our family. All of her oddities, her bizarre behaviors, how she treats me like we are two friends, how she is obsessed with herself - about 1 or 2 years ago, I began to realize that all of those traits fit as the criteria for NPD. But a few other family members say I shouldn't say this until someone has 'officially diagnosed her'.
But the problem with this is, obviously if this ever DOES happen, she's not going to get diagnosed any time soon. So I wanted to list some of the things she's done as what I believe a narcissistic mother, and see if anyone else can relate to me, and give me some insight.
1. She treats me like a friend; has meshed with me, gives me little personal physical space, always touching me, hanging on me or clinging on me, treats me like a very little child at times but has always made me her parent, like I was the parent and she was the child. It's a very odd situation. I have always been the shoulder to cry on, the one to go to to complain and moan about every single little thing that's SOOO upsetting to her, the one whose had to hear about how bad men are to her, the one who has to hear her tirades and horrible swearing. She's actually cussed at me before too, which I see as highly abnormal, because she did it in a way where I was like a friend she didn't like. She also, strangely, treats me like her competition - trying to outdo me subtly in any way she can, always matching me for everything. If I get nice shoes, she has to get a pair of her own nice shoes too. If I get an amazing new hairstyle, she will be fixated on changing her own hair somehow. It isn't copying, don't misunderstand; it's trying to outdo me and make me look below her. She actually says, when she attacks me, that I should stop acting "like I'm above her, better than her" which is very disturbing.
2. Divulges adult information to me, or inappropriate information. Also does this to others. Including, details on her sex life or the sex lives of others, her own weird personal issues, etc. Things no one wants to hear about, especially me. I beg her to stop, shut up, etc. when she goes on and on about this.
3. Enticed by drama and the misfortune of others. Likes to create dramatic scenes out of nothing; likes to sir up trouble amongst other family members. Hates to see us getting along; goes behind everyone's backs and twists what people have said to start fights and confusion. She actually sounds...excited almost, when she hears about something bad that happens to someone else. Like if I told her that her sister was really losing a lot of money, and might have to go back to work, she'd be like, "Oh WOW, really?! Wow, that's a shame..." But it's all chintzy. You can tell she's actually very excited about it, like she's all hyped up. She's never genuinely SAD about anything. She lacks all remorse and guilt that normal people I know have.
4. Lack of empathy, and extreme arrogance. Treats people in inferior positions like dirt, such as waiters and employees in retail stores. She'll make a public scene about the 'poor service' and so forth, even if problems do not exist. She uses money and buying things for people to manipulate and hold it against them later - she can be quite friendly and sweet and silly, but later on, you aren't ALLOWED to be angry at her, sad about anything at all, or unhappy about anything in general because 'I bought you this and this, I did this and this for you, so you CAN'T feel that way!' It's like having to walk on egg shells.
5. Obsessed with her appearance but in a self-destructive and negative way. Moans and goes on and on about how 'hideous' she is, how she 'just wants to die/wishes to be dead soon' and so on, after looking in the mirror over dozens and dozens of times. At times she is overly haughty about her appearance, and obsessed with being made up and perfect even to go to the drug store or doctor's office when she's ill, but at other times she is disturbingly focused in a negative way about it, complaining to others about it for hours, and getting depressed over it. She is also strangely preoccupied with weight, hates being fat, encourages ME to have an eating disorder in a half-kidding way, actually compliments her own self for not eating when in the presence of others, and scorns people who are heavy. She frequently scorns her own family members as if they were strangers to her also.
Basically these are the core things that are going on. Does this sound like NPD? I believe she has fully blown, highly destructive NPD. She even acts like a drug addict sometimes, like a total insane nutcase, ranting and raving about how people are "judging her" or "watching her". I am afraid about the future. I think she should be in an in-patient or out-patient program, but a step ABOVE just a talk therapist. What does everyone here think? I am desperate. I apologize if I typed too much. But I am extremely upset and worried and just need advice on what to do, to force treatment on her. Maybe not the psych ward, but anything. How do I do it?
But the problem with this is, obviously if this ever DOES happen, she's not going to get diagnosed any time soon. So I wanted to list some of the things she's done as what I believe a narcissistic mother, and see if anyone else can relate to me, and give me some insight.
1. She treats me like a friend; has meshed with me, gives me little personal physical space, always touching me, hanging on me or clinging on me, treats me like a very little child at times but has always made me her parent, like I was the parent and she was the child. It's a very odd situation. I have always been the shoulder to cry on, the one to go to to complain and moan about every single little thing that's SOOO upsetting to her, the one whose had to hear about how bad men are to her, the one who has to hear her tirades and horrible swearing. She's actually cussed at me before too, which I see as highly abnormal, because she did it in a way where I was like a friend she didn't like. She also, strangely, treats me like her competition - trying to outdo me subtly in any way she can, always matching me for everything. If I get nice shoes, she has to get a pair of her own nice shoes too. If I get an amazing new hairstyle, she will be fixated on changing her own hair somehow. It isn't copying, don't misunderstand; it's trying to outdo me and make me look below her. She actually says, when she attacks me, that I should stop acting "like I'm above her, better than her" which is very disturbing.
2. Divulges adult information to me, or inappropriate information. Also does this to others. Including, details on her sex life or the sex lives of others, her own weird personal issues, etc. Things no one wants to hear about, especially me. I beg her to stop, shut up, etc. when she goes on and on about this.
3. Enticed by drama and the misfortune of others. Likes to create dramatic scenes out of nothing; likes to sir up trouble amongst other family members. Hates to see us getting along; goes behind everyone's backs and twists what people have said to start fights and confusion. She actually sounds...excited almost, when she hears about something bad that happens to someone else. Like if I told her that her sister was really losing a lot of money, and might have to go back to work, she'd be like, "Oh WOW, really?! Wow, that's a shame..." But it's all chintzy. You can tell she's actually very excited about it, like she's all hyped up. She's never genuinely SAD about anything. She lacks all remorse and guilt that normal people I know have.
4. Lack of empathy, and extreme arrogance. Treats people in inferior positions like dirt, such as waiters and employees in retail stores. She'll make a public scene about the 'poor service' and so forth, even if problems do not exist. She uses money and buying things for people to manipulate and hold it against them later - she can be quite friendly and sweet and silly, but later on, you aren't ALLOWED to be angry at her, sad about anything at all, or unhappy about anything in general because 'I bought you this and this, I did this and this for you, so you CAN'T feel that way!' It's like having to walk on egg shells.
5. Obsessed with her appearance but in a self-destructive and negative way. Moans and goes on and on about how 'hideous' she is, how she 'just wants to die/wishes to be dead soon' and so on, after looking in the mirror over dozens and dozens of times. At times she is overly haughty about her appearance, and obsessed with being made up and perfect even to go to the drug store or doctor's office when she's ill, but at other times she is disturbingly focused in a negative way about it, complaining to others about it for hours, and getting depressed over it. She is also strangely preoccupied with weight, hates being fat, encourages ME to have an eating disorder in a half-kidding way, actually compliments her own self for not eating when in the presence of others, and scorns people who are heavy. She frequently scorns her own family members as if they were strangers to her also.
Basically these are the core things that are going on. Does this sound like NPD? I believe she has fully blown, highly destructive NPD. She even acts like a drug addict sometimes, like a total insane nutcase, ranting and raving about how people are "judging her" or "watching her". I am afraid about the future. I think she should be in an in-patient or out-patient program, but a step ABOVE just a talk therapist. What does everyone here think? I am desperate. I apologize if I typed too much. But I am extremely upset and worried and just need advice on what to do, to force treatment on her. Maybe not the psych ward, but anything. How do I do it?
