WhereHaveIGone
Member
Hello to everyone and before i start i want to thank David for letting me join in,so thanks!.
Now i guess i'll begin.For as long as i can remember which is childhood i have experienced different emotions,reactions,and moods.I spend alot of my time alone and always have,sometimes for no reason at all i put myself down to the point where i can't go to work or function a normal life.There have been so many times i have woke up to go to work and the idea of going outside scares me,i sweat,get hot flashes,stomache sick,and very exhausted.When i get interested in something i put my all into it but the interest just goes away and i stop what i'm doing.All through high school i was the same way a loner,feeling i was weird.I spent almost all of my time with music,that was like my little heaven,i felt safe locked in my room and no one to bother me.My parents were great people and still are,so there is no connection with that side of things.I had a great childhood but something was not right with me.Most of the time i feel lonely and have low moods,i worry too much,put myself down,i'm restless,tense,tired,i sleep for hours but wake up only to be tired again,there are even times when i fear going on streetcars,buses,concerts,or malls,but other times i don't have a problem with that at all.This problem has stopped me so far in my life to really enjoy what is around me,and i feel lost.I also get these compulsive feelings,like i just mowed the lawn but did i mowed it good enough,or wow that's a good cd gotta get that but end up thinking about it so much that i'll have to get the whole collection,you should see my collection of records,cd's,it's a little overboard,but it takes the feeling away,and when it comes back i fill the gap again,it's crazy and i'm tired of it,also when i can't get enough nerve to leave the house i'll eat and eat,but i'm a small person,and try to stay healthy but i eat to stop the pain.I know i have a some OCD and Anxiety/Mood Disorder going on but i feel there is alot more going on.In 93 i was going to audio engineering school and for no reason at all one day in class i threw my books at the teacher,i quit(yes once again) i hit rock bottom,i went to see the doctor and he gave me what he called a little help,well it did nothing,after a while i stopped taking them and started feeling good again,it's been over 10 years now and i can't continue with this way of life anymore.My history was that i was born with a heart malfunction and had to have surgery so maybe that might have to do with some kind of chemical not getting to the brain.I have some good days but mostly there not good.I have kept this from my family all these years,and they live in atlantic canada and i'm in Ont,i just found out that my sister also has her secret and she has OSD,i know i have those kind of feelings but i encounter more symptoms.I know i have to see a doctor about this but i thought maybe someone there could offer some feedback.I spend my days doing nothing,i'm down alot ,and cry for no reason,i also worry alot of things that happened years ago like i worry about friends i had years ago,and how there life is better then mine when i don't even know how they are,i build up this big make believe story in my mind about people i don't even know anymore,and tell myself i'm a failure, see i have a few issues that i need to deal with.On a ending note i would like to add that i've been reading everybodies story and i feel for you deep down and hopefully we can all talk a little and help each other smile inside cos in the end life is not all that bad.If you got this far and do reply i wanna thank you from the bottom of my fixed(ha) heart.
Take care..[/b]
Now i guess i'll begin.For as long as i can remember which is childhood i have experienced different emotions,reactions,and moods.I spend alot of my time alone and always have,sometimes for no reason at all i put myself down to the point where i can't go to work or function a normal life.There have been so many times i have woke up to go to work and the idea of going outside scares me,i sweat,get hot flashes,stomache sick,and very exhausted.When i get interested in something i put my all into it but the interest just goes away and i stop what i'm doing.All through high school i was the same way a loner,feeling i was weird.I spent almost all of my time with music,that was like my little heaven,i felt safe locked in my room and no one to bother me.My parents were great people and still are,so there is no connection with that side of things.I had a great childhood but something was not right with me.Most of the time i feel lonely and have low moods,i worry too much,put myself down,i'm restless,tense,tired,i sleep for hours but wake up only to be tired again,there are even times when i fear going on streetcars,buses,concerts,or malls,but other times i don't have a problem with that at all.This problem has stopped me so far in my life to really enjoy what is around me,and i feel lost.I also get these compulsive feelings,like i just mowed the lawn but did i mowed it good enough,or wow that's a good cd gotta get that but end up thinking about it so much that i'll have to get the whole collection,you should see my collection of records,cd's,it's a little overboard,but it takes the feeling away,and when it comes back i fill the gap again,it's crazy and i'm tired of it,also when i can't get enough nerve to leave the house i'll eat and eat,but i'm a small person,and try to stay healthy but i eat to stop the pain.I know i have a some OCD and Anxiety/Mood Disorder going on but i feel there is alot more going on.In 93 i was going to audio engineering school and for no reason at all one day in class i threw my books at the teacher,i quit(yes once again) i hit rock bottom,i went to see the doctor and he gave me what he called a little help,well it did nothing,after a while i stopped taking them and started feeling good again,it's been over 10 years now and i can't continue with this way of life anymore.My history was that i was born with a heart malfunction and had to have surgery so maybe that might have to do with some kind of chemical not getting to the brain.I have some good days but mostly there not good.I have kept this from my family all these years,and they live in atlantic canada and i'm in Ont,i just found out that my sister also has her secret and she has OSD,i know i have those kind of feelings but i encounter more symptoms.I know i have to see a doctor about this but i thought maybe someone there could offer some feedback.I spend my days doing nothing,i'm down alot ,and cry for no reason,i also worry alot of things that happened years ago like i worry about friends i had years ago,and how there life is better then mine when i don't even know how they are,i build up this big make believe story in my mind about people i don't even know anymore,and tell myself i'm a failure, see i have a few issues that i need to deal with.On a ending note i would like to add that i've been reading everybodies story and i feel for you deep down and hopefully we can all talk a little and help each other smile inside cos in the end life is not all that bad.If you got this far and do reply i wanna thank you from the bottom of my fixed(ha) heart.
Take care..[/b]
