Sensitivity

[Curious]

I would get mad when I aw a young child cry and the mother bawl him out with anger on her face. They were young themselves and were supposedly taught right and wrong when growing up. But they did not think about bawling ones child out in public. I have seen the parent jerk them by the arm and drag them to the car and bawling them out at the same time. I am a sensitive person. There should be some place in a shopping mall to stop and talk to the child like a gown up adult. I see the tears and the pain in there eyes. If you interphere they will tell you to mind your own business. I for one know why young children are harmed by the parent and grow up to be the same with there children. I once was high strung.

 

[HBas]

Dear Highstrung,

From personal experience: I for one never spoke to my young child like a grown up adult because he is not a grown up adult yet. The few times I reprimanded his tantrums in public was absolutely worth it because he saw that manipulation in front of other people was not going to stop me from taking the situation and rectifying it right then and there.

No need to hit or pull at the child but getting down and looking them in the eye and telling them that you are not going to tolerate that kind of behavior is necessary for that type of manipulation to stop. It is not healthy and I fully understand why some parents do act out in public. Sometimes it is just best to look away (unless there is abuse involved) because you have no idea what that parent is trying to teach his kid.

There are way too many kids that feel that they can say and do whatever they want because the parents are too scared to take a situation head on, even in public to ensure that children learn that there is right and wrong ways to deal with situations. My son is a beautiful little man, he will never test me in public because I thought him that I will not tolerate it and now that he is 10, he appreciates me not embarrassing him in public and understands the value of respect. You cannot demand it if you cannot give it and you cannot give it if you have not been taught how.

When I reprimand my kid I need people to understand that I am the one going home with him and I am the one that has to deal with whatever follows.

Anyway, hitting and pulling and screaming achieves nothing but keeping the peace for public sake does not either.

Hbas

 

[MHealthJo]

You have done really well HBas. I am sure people with good understanding can see this in you when you are out and about, and also that some with odd ideas or just someone feeling the wrong vibe or having an off day might get it wrong sometimes.

I understand what you mean though Highstrung, perhaps there is a certain empathy that you have at times where you feel like you can see something in the parent that is more of an uncaring, abusive habit of really excessive anger at a child, disrespect, hurting, devaluing sort of stuff. I am taking 'bawling out' to mean like pretty loud, unpleasant, humiliating, unnecessarily excessive type of reaction. And the rough treatment you describe, it is sad seeing stuff that really seems to be unnecessary force, and things like that.

Sometimes there are parents who don't care and are comfortable with abusing; other times there are parents with problems, difficult backgrounds etc, and/or are still learning how to manage their own emotions, wellness, functioning, child management, etc.

The compassion you feel is a very nice thing Highstrung. Each compassionate person who exists, sends good out into the world in some way or another. The compassion you have about this will reach people as they read the forum. They will feel a sense of healing from this compassion, and it will break the cycle a little bit when it comes time for them to do parenting tasks or figure out how they are going to to take certain actions. So that's a nice thing.