Sociopath, I may be one

[JoshuaMT]

Hello all, as you can tell my name is Joshua and I am 20 years old. Where to start, i've been wondering what I am and why I am different than everybody I encounter. This doesn't bother me that I am different, I enjoy it and do not like to be like other people however I still don't understand it which has led me to you.

For as long as I can remember I have disliked people and being around them, however I don't see myself as a loner or depressed, I don't feel lows. When I am happiest is when I am alone and doing nothing, I like being with my thoughts and I feel superior to other people around me, I coast through my life while feeling like i've seen everything before and know what will happen, an outsider looking in, a constant state of Deja Vu. This doesn't bother me, which is what I am trying to understand.. I have trouble comprehending why people do the things they do, they way they relate to each other. In a movie theatre, when something in a movie is happening and you look to the person beside you and they are smiling while watching it, it almost angers me the fact that they are connecting with the movie in a way which I cannot, I just don't understand.

I am very laid back person, I go out with people which I don't find fun, I pretend to smile and have a good time like I want to be there when I don't, I just don't care. When reading this back to myself it sounds like I feel hopeless or depressed but I don't.. I don't remember the last time I cried and I don't become angry easily. Nothing stimulates me which is my main problem with my life at the moment, I look for everything and nothing does it, I cannot even hold a job because the social interaction sickens me, I feel above and I feel like I am destined for something special but I cannot grasp it. I am an amateur kickboxer, this does not even excite me, while competing I don't feel like I am even in a fight, I am just THERE, I win and I go home.

I just don't understand, can anyone help me with why I am this way and is my hunch correct? Am I a sociopath. (my father is also like this and is a CEO of a LARGE company and my mother claims he is sociopath) could it be genetics? Thank you for reading.

There is so much more, I use aliases to manipulate people online for my own amusement. I have no trouble picking up any woman I desire with my charm and I enjoy the fact that I can play her however I want, just to test my own skill. The list goes on, I am not admitting I have a problem because I don't feel like I do, it is just a difference and I am trying to pin point what it is so I can evolve as me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's not a good idea to try to diagnose yourself and it's an equally bad idea to try to diagnose anyone online. That said, your description doesn't sound like psychopathy (aka sociopathy) to me. It sounds more like someone who is a little asocial (rather than antisocial) and frequently bored. There may even by an underlying dysthymia (chronic low-level depression) limiting your ability to enjoy the things you do and the extent to which you are able to respond emotionally to other people.

Have you ever seen a psychologist or psychiatrist to discuss these things? A competent professional can pick up a lot more in a face to face interview or two than is possible online.

 

[JoshuaMT]

Ya I havent seen one yet but I am going to try to set up an appointment. I am not bored, I just am not stimulated I feel as I am simply there it's a hard sense to get through while typing on an online forum. Ive done many things to try anything that even gives me a tingle and I havent found anything, even fighting another human being for medals and belts doesn't get me going. Ill save my breath, don't feel like wasting my time on a board when I won't get a diagnosis anyway it's impossible. Bye.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The reason I won't give you a diagnosis is because it would be inaccurate and unethical for me (or anyone else) to try to do that based on a few bits of typed information.

 

[JoshuaMT]

Oh yes Im aware, I wasn't expecting one. Just looking for some input from experienced professionals and I got it, I know I won't receive a diagnosis here and am not looking for one, not upset I just got what I needed thats all so im done, thanks.