Why victims don't report

[Violet]

They do not report it because other family members tell them not to. They are frightened and scared and very weak and vulnerable. They do not want to face their attacker again and relive the horror of it in court. They are just to young to even understand what has happened.

[Jazzey]

I hope ES, that your representation in your last post is a hyperbole. My experience dealing with police, both professionally and personally, have always been very good. The justice system isn't perfect, but it is contingent on evidence to protect the individual under the Charter of Rights and Freedom. Something we're all entitled to. And thus, the need for rape victims to come forward, to undergo the medical tests such as the rape kit and, for the rape victim to feel safe enough to confide in officers the experiences they've endured.

My comment above had more to do with not knowing how to deal with a rape victim. But throughout the process, I've never questioned anyone's intention. They were trying to support, just did not have the skills to recognize what I was truly going through and how I needed to be supported.

As a rape victim, I would never want to be seen not supporting other rape victims to report. I do see a therapeutic value in reporting for the victim, along with the other benefits in reporting (getting a rapist off the streets etc..).

Therefore, the message I send will always be "please report". But, my stance will be to support the victim, to provide that victim with the resources that she will undoubtedly need, particularly throughout that first year. Each victim has to be honoured and validated for her experience in that crime.

[Jazzey]

thanks for your response.......i get confused when i think of my situation. because i was a sacrifice, my father did something to me 1 day, and he was shocked by his own actions, and i think once it was done he realized it was a big mistake............... i have suffered all my life in many ways for the episode. if i would have had the ability to report it, i guess the family would have been torn apart, the family might not have survived, there would have been suffering to do for that info being out there. but, i must admit over 20 years of silence was not great either...............

I'm so sorry you've been through this Kadz. Have you ever sought therapy to help you cope with all of this? If you haven't, I'd urge you to do so. I think that rape is one of those experiences that we just can't heal on our own...

[Eye Stigmata]

I'm not saying women shouldn't report...I'm just saying that those are possible causes as to why some don't....People need to do what is right for them. I'm not going to sit here and post my personal cases on this, but what I stated above was not from a "personal" point of view. If you look online at reported rape cases and responses many women get when they DO report...you'll see a lot of the same things going on over and over.

[Jazzey]

I'm not asking you to give us details of your personal case. I am however weary of taking as "truths" what I read online. I prefer to limit the source of my knowledge to reputable sources where the veracity of the story can be established.

Personally, as a rape victim myself, I am very careful to not portray an image that may or may not be realistic. For instance, according to this pie chart Canada is in the third rank for rapes at 7.4%. The data was taken in 2003. Here is another fact sheet about myths on rape. WAVAW.ca : Rape Myths

My fear in posting that women "may not want to report because of these stories" is that I'm not convinced that these stories are true AND I do not want to add more stereotypes or myths to a topic that sees already its fair share of them. Do the police and other authorities dealing with rape victims need more sensitivity training - yes. But, for me at least, that's very different from saying that they disbelieve the account they're being told.

Because of my own personal experiences, I'm very careful how I portray things - particularly here when i know that the readers are both members and non-members. I'm careful in how I portray certain events because I do believe in the importance of reporting any kind of crime. And again, i would never want to be seen dissuading a victim from reporting. My fear lies principally in not wanting to disseminate or perpetuate further myths or stereotypes about reporting without having a better sense of what truly happens in the reporting phase of the crime. That's all.

[Fiver]

Eye Stigmata. from what I've read and witnessed over the last thirty years or so, most of what you described has become rarer than it may have been pre-70's or so. Although every situation is different, especially when it comes to how ones' family and friends view the situation, thankfully this happens less and less.

If she has the misfortune of having the media get a hold of her story, not only will her close friends and neighbors turn on her, but strangers from all over the country willl examine every deher lifestyle and judge every move she made before, during and after her assault, almost always finding her behavior lacking in some way.

It's rare that the media will release the victims' names or information for public perusal. Not only are there journalistic ethics to consider, but it's bad for their business. The reader may enjoy the voyeurism and sensationalism of seeing actual names, but in reality it tends to make the majority of readers see the publisher as despicable scum for doing such a thing.

I went to the police several weeks after being assaulted, convinced by others that even though there was no physical evidence taken, and it would be my word against his, I wanted it on record. It occurred to me (and others) that there was no way this was the first time he'd done such a thing, nor would it be the last, and at least with a report they'd have something in a file should someone else follow the preferred protocol. It turns out that he was being investigated for raping two other women, two women known to him but unrelated, who'd actually had evidence taken after being assaulted. The case was publicized; the only name that was published was his.

I was treated professionally and with compassion and respect by the investigated officers, as well as the prosecuting attorney's office as the case was prepared for trial. Never did I feel belittled or denigrated by the justice system, and in fact they went out of their way to make it as comfortable for me as possible.

Times have changed the way law enforcement and the courts treat rape victims, although I'm sure there are still some instances such as that which you describe. But thankfully this is becoming the exception to the rule.

[David Baxter]

See also Rape Myths

Thanks to Jazzey for finding the article.

[Kadz]

i have received much therapy and i feel quite whole, i would say i am healed from the ordeal per say, but, because of the 20 years of silence, i did choose in those earlier years to not tell anyone and that caused a turmoil in me. i developed an OCD which I have had to deal with and is less easy to be rid of.... i would even say i have some mental illness connected to the whole ordeal. thanks, kadz.

[Fiver]

Kadz...thanks for posting this. Unfortunately, what has been done to us has been done, and the reality is that although we may "heal," there are going to be scars. We'll never be the same. Never. The key (in my life right now) is learning how to live with the scars and the aftermath, and possibly how to use them to my benefit in a positive way.

Big hug to you.

[Kadz]

exactly, its great to hear another person say it, thats it exactly...