Delayed Reactions

[nbls]

I was raped by someone I thought was a good friend about a year and a half ago. Getting over that was, surprisingly, not difficult for me at the time. I went back on with my life as it had been... even maintained a professional attitude in having to work with this guy, my "colleague".

I contemplated very heavily filing charges against him, but at the last minute decided not to go forward because of the backlash I would have to deal with. In retrospect, ultimately, I'm still ok with the decision I made.

The day after the incident, I went out and purchased the "plan B" because I was really freaked out. I continued with my life as usual.

A couple months later, I began to have severe abdominal pain and was subsequently admitted to the hospital. Turns out the plan B caused me to have an ectopic pregnancy. Luckily I ended up coming out of it okay.

30k in medical bills and a year and a half later, it all seemed to hit me suddenly today after a conversation with two co-workers. It was like I was hit with a bag of bricks. I realized that over the past year and a half I have done nothing but work every waking moment to try to avoid bankruptcy and totally withdraw from all of my friends, family and everyone that I was close to. I have chosen to completely isolate myself. I guess this has been my way of dealing with it...

I find myself resenting him for this lost time and how deeply it's changed me as a person. I'm not really sure what to do now - how to get past this - who to talk to. I am far from the person I was when this happened. I feel uncomfortable in my own home; in my own skin.

Just unsure about a lot right now.

[Daniel]

I'm not really sure what to do now - how to get past this - who to talk to.

What about seeing a therapist?

[Jazzey]

Hi nbls,

I'm a victim of rape too. And what you're describing is exactly what I was/am going through.

As Daniel has suggested, therapy is what's keeping me afloat, and what's allowed me to regain some semblance of my old life again.

I was raped in August 2008. Please feel free to lean on us here. And, as Daniel has already mentioned, I hope that you will consider therapy.

[Jazzey]

I'm just adding a little tonight - I also wanted to add that I'm really sorry for your experience nbls. I meant to say that in the previous post, and just shot off a response without acknowledging it...But, I am really sorry that you went through that.

There is life after rape though. It's not always obvious, it takes a bit of work and a lot of support - but, there is life after rape.

[Violet]

It is important to get someone professional to help you deal with all these emotions you are having. It helps because therapist are trained in post trauma and can help you through the pain I hope you get some help so you can start healing. Glad you are here reaching out for support

[David Baxter]

The first thing that occurred to me, nbls, is that you should consult a lawyer about civil litigation for damages. The considerable expenses you've incurred are a direct result of a criminal act on his part, not to mention all the stress and distress.

Chances are he would settle out of court to avoid the negative publicity...

[nbls]

Thank you all for your responses. I am looking into support groups, etc. I will follow through with therapy when I am able to do so financially.

As far as filing a civil suit, one of the integral factors in deciding to not file charges against him was based on advice from an attorney I have known for years. So, I don't know that I would have any recourse at this point.

Thank you all for your kind responses and support. It's comforting to know that I can express how I am feeling without any judgment and what not. Thanks again, all.

[David Baxter]

My understanding is that there are different rules for criminal vs. civil trials. It might be worth exploring...

[Daniel]

In the US, for example:

In the civil justice system, liability must be proven by a preponderance of the evidence, which simply means that one side's evidence is more persuasive
than the other's. In other words, the plaintiff must prove there is a fifty-one percent or greater chance that the defendant committed all the elements of the particular wrong. This standard is far lower than the "proof beyond a reasonable doubt" required for a conviction in the criminal justice system.

http://www.victimbar.org/vb/AGP.Net/...cumentID=43749 (large PDF file)

I saw that PDF file mentioned here:

http://www.helpandhealing.org/Civil Suit.htm