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  • The Five Love Languages

    The Five Love Languages
    Reviewed by David Baxter
    October 9, 2008


    The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
    Gary Chapman. Northfield Publishing 1995, Paperback, 204 pages

    I discovered this book quite by accident while searching for a different title in a local Chapters-Indigo store and I grabbed the last copy in stock after flipping through the pages. Iím now recommending it to clients in couples counselling, especially those with communication issues.

    From the book jacket:

    Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem isnít your love Ė itís your love language!

    Dr. Gary Chapman reveals how different people express love in different ways. In fact, there are five specific languages of love:

    • Quality Time
    • Words of Affirmation
    • Gifts
    • Acts of Service
    • Physical Touch
    What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse. The key to understanding each otherís unique needs [is to] apply the right principles [and], learn the right language, and soon youíll know the profound satisfaction and joy of being able to express your love and feeling truly loved in return. This book is an easy read and most readers will probably find it an eye opener in many ways, not only in terms of learning about your spouse but also in terms of learning about yourself. The book includes a quick test for each partner to identify individual love languages and to allow you to compare the love languages each uses.

    My major (minor?) complaint is the labels given to the five languages, notably Acts of Service, which sounds like a demand for "a work donkey". In reality, itís not about minions but about little things one does for oneís spouse that convey the message that you are thinking about him or her and eager to express that by doing little things on a day to day basis, much like Gifts is really less about the gift and more about the overt demonstration that you are thinking about your spouse when you are apart and when you are together.

    I highly recommend this book, whether you are currently in a relationship or looking for one.
    The author, Dr. Gary Chapman, also has a website you might find of interest: The Five Love Languages.
    This article was originally published in forum thread: The Five Love Languages started by David Baxter View original post
    Comments 1 Comment
    1. HBas's Avatar
      HBas -
      I can concur. The lesson from it has helped me with my relationship with my son as well and I would also strongly recommend it.

      Heleen.