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  1. #1

    Dealing with my mother in law

    hello,
    i'm new here and would like to have some advice about some issues. here is the story:

    i'm a very anxious person who tend to be a bit agressive when i feel attacked. i'm under therapy since end of sept and my therapist and i are focused on CBT. I was very aggressive with my environmemnt and decided to see a therapist.

    Now I’m getting better but still have big concerns about dealing with my mother in law. to know better my mother in law, she's a woman who spent her life to manage everything around her. as my husband and i are very independant (no need of anybody to tell us what to do), she cannot stand this and try to find a way to impose her ideas... she loves taking care of everything at my sister in law's but here that's another story!

    i've been knowing her for 11 years now and she's always been hypocritycal, and loves very much poking me about every topic, she plays games... she loves criticizing people in the family (say bad stuffs about her daughter and son in law when she's at home and probsbly do the same when she's at my sister in law's about us).

    she loves putting me down with her remarks but she does it in her way that my husband says 'not harmful!' what I call ironical, with big false smile and she loves watching you very visciously and intensely. he knows what she's capable of, because she did it with him all his life but now i'm the one who is more affected by it.

    She knew I was weak at that time (before sept) and she took advantage of that to accuse me of being the bad daughter in law. When she came came to visit us (husband, i, and our son) in sept with my brother in law (much younger than my husband). She needed a witness.
    During her stay, she said I was aggressive with her and my brother in law. That I insulted him which is not my nature!

    She started to create a drama (she loves creating troubles!), at home that she spent her time to be nice with me but now she was fed up to make efforts. I told her that being poked all the time by her wasn’t the kind of game I was thrilled about. She’s sick for me, not me!
    When she was young, she left my husband as he was a baby to her parents, because she was a student and my husband always considered them as his prarents. She never accepted it and now I think she tries to interfer in our life to be present. She gives us some money from time to time and my husband always tells me that I’m not grateful but for me this money isn’t given with love. That’s false and she makes sure she’s the right loving person.

    she’s gonna come for new year’s eve and I don’t feel yet very secure and strong enough to deal with her. I’ve invited some friends to come over but don’t know if they will come.

    I have ONE question to ask and need some advice / help.

    how should I react or say when she tries to provoke me?

    Thanks for having read this big story!

  2. #2

    Re: dealing with my mother in law

    I have had problems in the past with my mother-in-law but with CBT it has helped me deal with her in a respectful but assertive way using I statements not you ones.
    Also role playing helped me the most in CBT.
    Hope this helps
    all the best to you
    Laurie

  3. #3

    Re: Dealing with my mother in law

    thanks laurie.
    i have never tried the role playing in my therapy. could you tell me more about this please?

  4. #4

    Re: Dealing with my mother in law

    Hi
    Sure no problem...
    it's role reversal,you pretend you are talking say as your mother-in-law and your CBT would pretend to be you and then you would reverse the role.Hope I said that right.
    Let me know how you make out it sure helped me now we have a better relationship because of it.
    so good luck.
    Laurie

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