I have never done anything like this and so I am not sure how this works, but here goes!
I am a single-mom, 41, my daughter is 22 and I have never married. My daughter and I live with my Mom and share expenses until I can get a higher paying job. I work two jobs at the moment. One at a private college as Administrative Assistant and another as a Personal Assistant. I teach Bible Class to 5-7 yr olds which I enjoy very much but will be giving up in December.
I used to have a friend who could dissect life issues with me but she has gotten married and consequently is a bit distracted (understandably so) with her new life, so I am looking for a place to share my struggles so I can overcome them, and also help (if possible) anyone else who needs it. I am a good listener, if nothing else. :-) I really like the kindness and depth I find on this website and I hope it will continue to help people as it has already helped me.
I don't know the protocol for posting on forums and chat rooms and stuff so please tell me if I abuse a system in any way or say too much.
I will share a few of the things I am struggling with and hopefully anyone else who might have some similar struggles can share theirs with me and we can work our way through them.
Pride and low self-esteem. What a pain. I can dissect this to a point, then I get stuck. Low self-esteem: for me, stems from caring too much or listening too much to what other people think. Their opinion of me or something I have done is more valued than my own opinion. While there are many things I would like to change about myself to be happier with myself/my performance, I am ok with creating goals and ways to achieve those changes and really want to be left alone to work on them. But I let other people distract me from my own goals and so cannot accomplish anything (because it’s too much)– therefore, I never feel good about myself anymore. Also, I have a co-worker who feels competitive with me or something, and feels the need to push me down – I can usually see through this as her need to feel better about herself, but lately, it is hurting me. I need to rise above this again but I want to know why it’s getting to me all of a sudden. Here’s where pride gets in the way – I don’t want her to know she got to me so I say nothing and act like she has not affected me in any way. So, I’ve been preaching to myself about discipline – I just need to buck up and DO what I need to do and stop letting things get in my way. This is where I’m stuck. It’s all just words.
I love precision and perfection. But I need to let go of it since I don’t live in a perfect world. And it stresses me out too much when things go wrong repeatedly. I want/need things to be smooth and orderly. While there are always little things to fix or perfect, and this is what keeps me challenged and going, it seems that I am running as fast as I can and doing the best I can along the way, but in actuality, I am going nowhere. I think I just need to let go of so many concerns, but then I feel like a failure or that I gave up. I want to persevere and see my way through this. I’m just having a hard time connecting “seeing my way through” and “letting go”. They seem so opposite and yet, I feel like I must let go to see my way through.
Somehow, I need to accept the load on my shoulders and am struggling with it. It feels like too much and is very overwhelming but I actually need to be able to take on more. I don’t know how to rise above these feelings. Usually they don’t get me down but they are now for some reason.
Ok. So those are the main ones I think.