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  1. #11
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    Introvert/Extrovert...can it be changed?

    No-one may be asked to have a complete understanding of another
    And yet, for some of us, it seems to be one of our deepest cravings, to be recognized, to be known by another, to be understood, affirmed and validated. But none or very little of that affirmation seems to seep through to our deepest beings and ring true, because we alone know our deepest pains and fears and shames, and we think that nobody could possibly truely love or validate us if they only knew the whole truth of who we are. So we may not have the right to ask another to completely understand us, but I think that for some of us it's a deep craving that somebody somewhere will dig deep enough to discover that truest "me" and still love/affirm/validate us.

    Diversity also represents the reason why we all must pay the high cost of a lack of total commonality. War.
    I agree and still choose unity in diversity whatever the cost. For me, "peace on earth" doesn't just mean an end to war "over there". It means choosing to be at peace with my own chaotic self, creating a safe place for that diversity right here in my home, trying to propogate more peace than war in my community, trying to ripple out into the world a peace that starts somewhere small and insignificant in a myriad of diverse little ways. True peace on earth may never happen in our lifetime, but there's no reason why we can't do what little we can to shine what little light of understanding and acceptance we can into whatever little corner of that "world at war" we happen to be in. Maybe that makes me a naive dreamer, but I'd rather expend whatever little energy I have each day to be a peacemaker in my day-to-day encounters with people than proprogate through my actions and responses to those same people the hatred and intolerance that's already ripping my world apart.

    That doesn't mean that I probably won't get snarky with someone at the store today, I'm only human and forget to harness in that negative energy in time to stop it from rippling out and invalidating another's right to be diverse. But it's all a work in progress. One day, one step, one encounter at a time.

  2. #12
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    Re: Another Perspective on Introversion

    Quote Originally Posted by scm24
    It was especially liberating when I researched further and found out that my particular personality type (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling) is relatively rare here in our western culture. I think only 8% of the population are INF types, while the majority are the complete opposite personality type. Which would explain why I/we INF's grow up feeling like such flawed misfits because the majority of the people in our culture see and process the world in a completely opposite way than we do.
    I'm an INF and I totally understand where you're coming from. I've always felt as if I were on the outside looking in. I've come to terms with the fact that I am who I am and that I need my private space. I get along with pretty much everyone but I understand that I see things differently than most of the people I know. I think that's why it's so important to try and surround ourselves with people of like mind.

    And when we encounter rejection or ridicule, it makes us twice as likely to repress our wisdom the next time...but I think that usually it's not us personally who are being rejected, it's the "difference" that's being rejected. We bring a fresh insight, a new perspective and some don't have the time or interest to investigate that further and so brush us /our perspective off with a rolling of the eyes or impatient shrugging of the shoulders. But we do have to dare to believe that we make a good difference and persist in being heard above the frantic chaos around us.
    Thanks for that reminder. It's easy to take things personally. It's harder to look at things objectively and understand that just because people don't agree with us, that it doesn't mean we're flawed. It just is.

    But if I did too much of that listening and empathizing without taking enough time to recharge my batteries through my introverted/solitude time, I burned out. The less solitude time I took, the more those social activities became an intolerable burden.
    Yes! I have a habit of overcommitting myself and then looking like a complete flake when I can't meet those committments. I'm lucky enough to have friends that understand my need for space and the fact that I can't always be counted on. In social situations, anyway. I get burned out easily, as well. A very close friend of mine is "highly sensitive" as well and we discussed the need for down time. I think I would be better off if I could get more but with work and two kids (and one on the way!) it's hard to find those moments to do absolutely NOTHING.

  3. #13
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    Introvert/Extrovert...can it be changed?

    I'm lucky enough to have friends that understand my need for space and the fact that I can't always be counted on.
    During this past two years of dealing with depression, crippling fatigue and having to put my entire being and life back together with the bits and pieces of a mangled self, I've lost just about everybody that I ever thought was a friend. Now that I'm coming out of my self-imposed hibernation, there's nobody left except my husband, brother and two ancient and very busy east-coast friends who email me about every six months if they remember. It's been very sad, lonely and disheartening. They just couldn't understand or wait. Now I have to start all over again, and at 49, that's not easy to do.

    But I can't sit and mourn forever. I'll start here and see where it leads.

    but with work and two kids (and one on the way!) it's hard to find those moments to do absolutely NOTHING.
    I'm glad you have time to be here...

  4. #14
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    Introvert/Extrovert...can it be changed?

    That doesn't mean that I probably won't get snarky with someone at the store today
    An interesting (for an introvert anyway) thing happened at the store today. I picked up four items I had ordered through the catalogue, paid for them and left the store. But I stopped to check them out before lugging the stuff all the way home and found that all four things were unacceptably different from the description in the catalogue. So I took them back. The same saleslady who had just processed the sale took the bag and started throwing the items down on the counter. Normally, being highly sensitive, that kind of blatant aggression would have really scared me into anxious silence, stress, guilt, apologies, self-condemnation for being a nuisance. But this time, the words just blurted out of my mouth, not confrontational, more like pleading "please don't be upset with me". She stopped throwing stuff around, apologized and we had a very pleasant encounter/conversation from that point on. I'm not usually very assertive or vocal like that, but we both felt better for having turned the situation around from snarky to civil.

  5. #15
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    Introvert/Extrovert...can it be changed?

    Good for you! We need to be able to stick up for ourselves. I have a hard time but I've noticed that it's become a little bit easier the older I get. Maybe I'm just less inclined to take other people's bs. :-)

  6. #16
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    Introvert/Extrovert...can it be changed?

    Quote Originally Posted by scm24
    But I can't sit and mourn forever. I'll start here and see where it leads.
    That is such a wonderful, healthy outlook. I'm so proud for you!

    I've lost plenty of friends due to having Bipolar Disorder. I'm just lucky enough to have a few left over that understand. Mostly becuase we're so much alike. There have been times when it's been six months between contact but we don't care because it's like no time has passed at all. That's true friendship.

    I'm glad you have time to be here...
    Luckily I was laid off three weeks ago. So now I'm working as a receptionist for a friend's company. This gives me way too much time to be here. :-)

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