Sometimes when im driving ill get images in my head(specially at red lights where im near fast moving traffic going the other way) ill keep getting the image of hitting the gas and i see my body being crushed by semis and whatever traffic that looks big that drives by. Once i get into these kind of thoughts they dont go away til i stop driving. I dont think its the depression as it isnt pleasent thoughts of peace but of serious pain and hurt. I get very paronoid about all other drivers on the road and feel like im about to be hit or pulled over(this is scary as my dad was a cop and i hate them) or my car will break and sharp metal will come thru the dash and go into me(dont ask me what kind of car breakage would cause this). Ive never even been in a serious car accident so i have no idea where these thoughts come from.
I also obsess about my past mistakes and can spend the whole day beating myself up for whatever kick im on at the moment,,selfish lazy guilty whichever one comes, comes hard. And totally silly things that i cant help. Like my girlfriend asking to take a drink from my soda. I kiss her and have sex with her but for some reason my brain doesnt like anyone elses lips touching my drink. I prefer plastic silverware and such as then i dont feel like i have to inspect it to make sure its all clean. I cant stand when food touches each other either unless its supposed to.
I dont on the other hand wash my hands too often or lock my door over and over or worry if i step on a crack ill break someones back or worry if i dont do a ritual something bad will happen.
David said something in another thread that maybe i might have this so i figured since at the moment im feeling good in my depression stuff that i can wonder a bit and see if this stuff is ocd or sound like it anyway? Is this just the anxiety maybe? Just curious about it as i always attributed it to anxiety and the obsessive thoughts about guilt or whatever i attributed to depression.