Just curious as my last therapy appointment my therapist told me he wanted me on some kind of anxiety med again. The problem is last time i was prescribed ativan i got out of control with it and ended up in the hospital. It gives me like a "high from illegal drugs" and i have the urge to take way more than what i am supposed to. Are there anxiety meds that possibly wont give me that high but still work when i start getting very panicky during a moment? I know there are slow acting ones you need to take over time but i dont think that would be very helpful to me.
My sister(who is like a credit shy from masters in social work) told me they would probably trust me again to take ativan as long as i wasnt asking for a bunch at a time. The problem is i dont know if i trust me? The high i get from them make it very tempting to abuse and while i see the mistake of my past i dont know if my brain will eventually think well less than what put me in the hospital but more than prescribed could be fun.
Im currently also smoking some marijauna and that seems to help the anxiety quite a bit but my therapist and drug doctor are constantly nagging me to stop :) So if i did stop i would definately need some kind of anxiety med but if i sit and abuse it whats the difference between abusing the illegal or legal drug? None that i can tell. I just need to find something that doesnt give me the high but can be fast acting. Doubt that exists huh?