Okay, most of how I have been feeling better lately is just thought talking and sorting things out and organizing them and such, so nobody has to actually read this.
Lately I have had tons of weird feelings about all the different situations I am in at school and with friends, it complicates my little mind. I guess the best way to explain how my emotions feel is how I told a friend earlier.
My heart physically hurts lately. There is his void, a blackhole where something, some passion burned out and created a vast space, and in the middle, there is a pink poking at me constantly as hard as it can to try to make the hole bigger and empty out whatever I have left inside. It hurts so incredibly bad.
In this huge hole, there's a picture that I can see and it's exactly how I feel. I'm in there, hanging by a rope and not knowing where to go or how to escape. There is a dragon circling above me and I can't move that way without being captured and ripped apart. Below me is a lion or a tiger and I can't move that way without being captured and ripped apart. I'm hanging in the middle, and all I want to do is find that one thing that will make my mind clear of everything else. Find that little piece of nirvana that will for my last second make everything else dissapear.
I know it isn't possible. I do have things I love to do, I accel in music, I love to read, I go take walks to this place by a stream and sit and watch the watter go over the rocks, but at the same time, all that used to take me to that state of nirvana doesn't work anymore. I don't know, I just feel kinda helpless.