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  1. #1

    Kind of feel shameful here

    I have posted so much already. I admitted all too much about myself.

    This one is my gambling addiction. I watched my father destroy my family time in and time out with his gambling. My parents lost so much over the years because of his addiction.

    I too am addicted to the rush of being at the casino. Not sure if its only that. I love to be out of my house, around other people like me. I like the atmosphere of the casino. I can be Elizabeth without focusing on the sickness of being who I am.

    I have come a long way in trying to over come this part of me. I used to gamble away everything I had. But I do have the responsiblities of being a mother, my kids needs come first. I do still gamble, have minor blunders. But the ones I do accomplish are ones that I can recover from. I don't spend large amounts of money, yet I do miss the freedom. I won't ever allow myself to get caught up in legal trouble like I have before. I think though, I should not even go to that place. I enjoy too much as it had become my escape from reality.

    I do still go, afraid of the losing control part. I only take so much money with me, what I think is affordable. Yet I want to stay. When I don't have my kids at home with me, this is the tough times. They are not here this weekend. I have gone twice already. Losing some money. But I did not want to leave. The strong thoughts of suicide were with me last night, if I had not of left this house of mine, well not sure how I would have coped.


  2. Kind of feel shameful here

    Are your kids just away for the weekend? If so, instead of going to the casino again, take that money and go to the mall or wherever and buy a little surprise for your kids! It will be money well spent and your kids will be surprised and happy when they get home. Just a thought.......I know how hard temptation is.....

  3. #3

    Kind of feel shameful here

    Good idea. I think getting out is a good suggestion, and when they get home tomorrow night, will be a nice surprise.

    Yes, they are usually home. They are gone the odd time; when dad feels like seeing them. This time his parents wanted to spend time with them; which is good. I worry though.

    Yes.... temptation..... don't like that word much; lol.

    Thanks again, your replies are apreciated. One thing that concerns me, what if I go out in public and faint. I know thats sounds stupid, but it happened before, more then once. And I am struggling with that one. I don't want anyone to freak out and phone an ambulance or something. I was planning on hiding in my house; but not a good idea either. Need to get through this night.




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