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  1. #1

    Body image issue

    I don't know if this is normal or not. I don't know what is normal. LOL.

    I can look in the mirror one day and think that I am ok for the day. That I look "ok." That no one will be repulsed by me. Then the next day I look in the mirror and just want to burst into tears because I am so repulsive. Do I change that much overnight and look so different? Does everyone go through this? I have on occasion cut my face because of this. I think that I'm so hideous that it doesn't matter if I'm scarred or not. Then a day or two later I don't see the hideousness.

    It's like this with my weight too. Somedays I am ok. Somedays I want to crawl in a hole and die because I am so fat.

    Do most people feel this way?

  2. #2

    Body image issue

    Well, Janet, I think all people have days when they feel they don't look as good as they do on other days. Heck there's even the saying "I'm having a bad hair day!". ;-)

    I think some of us take those feelings and run with them, blowing them out of proportion. It's one of the problems we have, being of depressive mind. The bad things multiply and the good things hide. Yet, if you can realize here that you can't look all that different overnight, it's something you can use to battle those thoughts when they appear. Just try asking yourself that question..."Can I really have changed that much overnight?". When you see it in that light, it's easier to realize that your emotions are playing tricks on you. I realize, however, that to do that is easier said than done. It's something we all have to concentrate on doing consistently.

  3. #3

    Body image issue

    I definitely am much more negative than positive about myself. I just wonder which is the real me? The ok me? Or the repulsive me? I guess if I could figure that out I could know which way to go with my thinking.

    Thanks for answering! :) You have good advice.

    Janet

  4. #4

    Body image issue

    Janet, dear, I can answer your question. The repulsive you is the imposter. I can tell that quite easily just by reading what you post here, and the way in which you post it. :)

  5. #5

    Body image issue

    You know, I don't really think it's about how I look. I think it's about the disgustingness that is inside, that I can't never get rid of no matter how hard I try. That's what I see when I look in the mirror. I can't scrub it off or cut it out or burn it away. It's just there no matter what I do or where I run to. I can't get those thoughts or memories out of my head. That is what is so hard to live with. That's what makes me think that life is too hard. That I'm the most worthless person in the world.

  6. #6

    Body image issue

    ThatLady is right, Janet: The "repulsive you" is the imposter. The "repulsive you" is actually not you at all but the memories of other people and things they have done to you. It isn't you who's repulsive -- it's them.

    Have a look at this site, Janet: COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ADULT CHILDREN OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES -- in spite of the main focus of the site, it's not only about Adult Childen of Alcoholics...

  7. #7

    Body image issue

    I don't know what to do. All my life I've been knocked down and I've kept getting back up and going on. I know I sound very negative here, but in real life I'm not. The worst of me comes out here. I do keep going on. I try to have a good sense of humor, to make people laugh, to not show them the pain inside. No one would know, except my husband who sees me cry. I think that's why he treats me the way he does. He can't stand my weaknesses. I can't stand them either.

    But I'm tired of getting back up. The last two years I just quit. I feel like I'm broken. So much of me is just gone. Most of the things I used to love and enjoy I don't even care about anymore. I don't see how anything can help. I can't change what happened and it's just taken so much of me away. To think that people can treat each other the way they do and I can't figure out WHY.

  8. #8

    Body image issue

    Sweetie, crying is not weakness. Crying is emotional release. We all cry. Some of us bottle up the tears and cry only on the inside. Yet, even those who do still cry.

    Think, for a moment, what you might do if you saw someone crying. Would you treat them badly? To me, it seems that if a person is crying, they're already feeling badly enough. They don't need me to make things worse. Somehow, I get the feeling you'd react as I do. Now...what does that say about a person who would say cruel things to someone who was crying? Who's the disgusting person in the pair? Who, in fact, is the weak one in that pair. Believe me, it is not the one who is crying.

  9. #9

    Body image issue

    No, I wouldn't be cruel to someone who was crying. It doesn't seem right somehow. Wouldn't seem right.

    I can't figure all of this out. I feel so lost.

  10. #10

    Body image issue

    You're not lost, hon. You're finding yourself just fine. You just need to keep thinking things out, just like you're doing.

    Too many times, instead of living life, we allow life to live us. We sorta sit back and let things happen to us because we're afraid. We don't have enough confidence in our own abilities to reach out and control what goes on from day to day. Then, somewhere along the way, we wake up and realize that this isn't working very well. That's when we start questioning, as you are doing now. That's the beginning of the road to recovery...the questioning, the seeking of answers, and the applying of logical thought. Once it starts, the light begins to shine through at the end of that loooong tunnel we've been travelling through.

    As you stop and think about some of the things you're dealing with, you begin to see that it isn't you who is in the wrong all the time. That's not an easy realization, as you're used to seeing yourself as the bad guy...the one always in the wrong. When you start to realize that you've been wrong about that, you also have to accept that you're going to have to do something about your thinking. That's gonna take work, and nobody likes to have to do that kind of work. It's often painful, and it can involve a lot of life changes. For many, it's easier to just fall back into the old ways and drift along. You don't seem that type. You're looking for answers, you're finding answers, and you appear to have the courage to want to apply those answers to your life situation. It's just a matter of getting up the nerve to do it that first time.

    Most of us have been where you are at least once in our lives. The situations may have been different, but the fear of change, the fear of facing up to the monsters that we have created for ourselves, those are the same for all of us. That's why we can come here and discuss them. We've all faced our own monsters. Some of us are just a bit older and further down the road to slaying the pesky beasts! ;-)

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