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  1. #1

    A little help needed

    I honestly don't know what to say for an introduction so I'll just pass on right to the problem. I will just say that I'm pleased that there are forums like this and people like you, and that I believe that you can help. My “story” goes like this: Three years ago I finished high school and I went on a college that I have chosen right after elementary school. I’ve always strongly believed it was the best choice for me even though I knew it was a really hard one (college). And then difficulties started. It wasn’t the way I imagined it was much, much harder. I studied and I tried but I just couldn’t pass my exams. So, it lead to not passing that whole year, and I repeated it ‘cause I thought next time it will be better and since I still wanted to study on the chosen college. I decided to work harder. But I failed one more time. And I decided AGAIN to repeat the whole year-and failure again. The final failure happened in mid August and started to feel depressed than. My agony started at this point. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, to go out, to meet people, to socialize in any way, and it’s still that way. There are better days, and worse days but “all in all” it’s really bad. I started to question everything in my life, my friendships, my choices, my likes and dislikes, my wishes, my plans… I can’t find a single thing to hold on to. I don’t want to drop off the college (I suppose many of you are surprised by that) but I can’t help thinking where does it lead me? It’s hard for me to process any kind of emotions. And if someone asks me “How’s college?” I start to blush and feel very uncomfortable, and it’s embarrassing. The worst thing for me is that I’ve never been like this, ever. I was always known as a positive, cheerful person. And I can still sense a big potential in myself but I just don’t know how to put it in motion anymore. The crisis I’m having right now is probably culminating these past few months and it all started few years ago with my first college problems. I’m very ambitious and I guess that makes me problems often. I can’t deal with failure, that’s my opinion. I believe and I know that this will pass one day, it’s just that I don’t want to spend half of my life feeling miserable and frustrated and unworthy and unsatisfied.

    Sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. Thanks for help in advance (I know that you will advice seeing a therapist) and than you for reading this long story of mine.

  2. #2

    a "little" help needed

    Monnia, are there any guidance counsellors at your college who could advise you on why you're having a problem with your program? I wonder if the problem is this just isn't the right program for you -- maybe even at that same college you should be enrolled in a different program (for example, arts instead of science, biology instead of mathematics, or whatever) -- or is it that the course work is not too difficult for you but there is simply too much of it?

    Another possibility is that you've simply chosen the wrong environment for you. I know here in Canada when i advise students on which university might be best I don't only consider the academic quality of the university but also the personality of the student -- some students just do much better in a smaller university where they can have more contact with professors and they feel less lost in the crowd. Others seem to do better in large busy universities.

    Beyond that, I don't know what to say without more information, except that you mention you chose this university many years ago -- maybe you made the choice before you truly knew what you wanted/needed -- it's a bit like getting married at age 16 -- often, problems in the marriage develop over the years because the decision to commit to the marriage was made at a time when most people simply don't know enough about themselves to be able to make good choices like that. It's possible that in a different college you would do very well and if so I'd ask you if you think it's worth it to make yourself miserable trying to fit into and succeed at this particular college -- there's an expression in English about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (it won't work, not because there's something wrong with you but because there's something wrong with the fit).

  3. #3

    a "little" help needed

    Personally, I have always avoided using the word "failure". I guess I just don't like it. I don't think it always expresses the truth. Sometimes, what we call "failure" is just a bump in the road that we're unable to cross at the present time. Or, perhaps, we're trying to go in a direction we're not meant to go. Once we find that out, and change our direction, things often go much better.

    You didn't say what you were studying in college. Have you taken any aptitude examinations? Most colleges have advisors available to help you find the right path for yourself. I can guarantee you, I'd never have made it through a physics course! ;)

    Another alternative might be to look into a Junior College, or a Vocational College. There, you can get through your first two years of schooling with a little less pressure than is often found in the four-year colleges. It also helps you prepare to meet the demands of those last two years more easily.

    But, before you do those things, I'm going to do what you expect me to do. I'm going to suggest you talk with a therapist, or a school counsellor, to discuss your feelings, your dreams, and ways those dreams might be brought to reality. If you're suffering from depression, study skills will certainly be lacking, as your concentration will not be at its best. There are treatments for depression that can help you along your way.

    I'd also like to say that there's no need to apologize for your English. I'd not have known you were not a native speaker of the language had you not told me.

  4. #4

    a "little" help needed

    Unfortunately, in the country I’m coming from there’s no such thing as counselor on college or attitude examinations or someone that could help you in your college life. As I already mentioned one of the biggest problems is that I don’t want to quit, I can’t think of any other thing that could interest me enough to study it or to be in that business one day. I’m studying electrotechnics-computer science and I believe I’ve always been more natural science than social science or artistic type. Thanks.

    I'd also like to say that there's no need to apologize for your English. I'd not have known you were not a native speaker of the language had you not told me.

    Thank you very much. Maybe I should study English? :)

  5. #5

    a "little" help needed

    Hee! If you did study English, you certainly wouldn't have to worry about not doing well at it, hon!

    Are there therapists, or counsellors, available to you outside the education system? I'm sure you'd benefit by having someone to talk to about your concerns.

  6. #6

    a "little" help needed

    monnia,

    My husband is a software engineer and he told me that his college studies were extremely difficult. He was working incredibly hard to pass his courses. These are really difficult classes even for people who enjoy them and who are good at them. I'm sure many people fail their college classes in engineering. I bet it's not uncommon at all.

    You may want to use your logic and ambition to find a way to reach your goal. Right now, you've tried the same way 2x and it hasn't worked. It's a bit illogical to repeat the same exact thing unless you think there is some difference that will create a new outcome. Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?

    Nutmeg

  7. #7

    a "little" help needed

    Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?
    This is a good point by Nutmeg. Most of these technology fields don't require a college degree for entry-level positions. You can always go back and finish your degree later and/or get vocational training a vocational/community college. (With enough on-the-job experience, a college degree is often not needed even for mid-level or senior positions.)

    What specific field are you interested in....software development, systems engineering/analysis, electrical engineering, database management?
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. #8

    a "little" help needed

    Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?
    What specific field are you interested in....software development, systems engineering/analysis, electrical engineering, database management?
    Well, educational system is a bit different in my country then in US or Canada. College I’m attending is called Faculty of Electrical Engineering. It has three departments:
    Department of Computer Science and Information Technology
    Department of Power Engineering and Industrial Systems
    Department of Electronics and Communications.
    I’m interested in first one and I should be a part of it IF I pass first year. It’s the only college of that kind and for another one I should move to another country which I cannot afford. But I’m most concerned about me not having another interest that could lead me to a professional career. I just can’t think of anything that could satisfy me. And on the other hand I can’t seem to make a success in this choice I’ve made. I can’t stop asking myself:”Did I give my best?” and all similar kinds of questions.

  9. #9

    a "little" help needed

    But I’m most concerned about me not having another interest that could lead me to a professional career.
    Lots of people feel the same way, even after they graduate from college. Also, most people change their careers at least several times in their professional life.

    Have you done better in some computer classes than your other courses? Have you already taken a course in computer programming, for example? Or are you mostly taking general courses like biology and history that are required for all college students?
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  10. #10

    a "little" help needed

    Have you done better in some computer classes than your other courses? Have you already taken a course in computer programming, for example? Or are you mostly taking general courses like biology and history that are required for all college students?
    Yes, I’ve taken some computer classes. For example Computer programming where I got the highest grade taking that exam but it’s not enough just to pass those subjects. Unfortunately, all similar colleges in region require almost identical subjects for example Physics, Mathematics (and everything you can imagine that goes with it), etc. So even if I would decide to study Programming or some specific field that concerns computers I would still have to take all of those subjects. Complicated, right? Now you can see why am I feeling so hopeless. I tried some advices I found on the Internet about studying for exams but they all seem so “light” for the way I have to prepare. It didn’t work. Maybe I didn’t find the right tips.
    I just don’t know anything anymore…

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