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  1. #1

    Anniversary of a hard event

    I'm not sure if I actually have PTSD, but the two year anniversary of something very hard is coming up and I just don't know how to face it. It's about a month away and I feel extremely panicky and weak and afraid. Is this normal and how long does PTSD last?

    And will the medication (Lexapro) I'm taking eventually help this?

  2. #2

    Anniversary of a hard event

    Yes, SSRIs like Lexapro can help PTSD symptoms. Of course, PTSD is a form of anxiety, so any treatment that helps one's anxiety would be helpful, especially therapy or self-help that helps one fully address and desensitize recurring memories. PTSD symptoms can be acute or chronic.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. #3

    Anniversary of a hard event

    Well, tomorrow is THE day and I feel kind of nervous about it. I've been doing a lot of thinking about why what happened did happen. I just want to see things more clearly, but sometimes I wonder if thinking about it and trying to figure it out is really helpful? I trusted someone who lied to me, who hurt me and I'm trying to understand how I can prevent things like this from happening to me again.

  4. #4

    Anniversary of a hard event

    I'm not sure that thinking about it is necessarily going to make it worse but realistically my guess is that you are going to be thinking about it whether you want to or not.

    It's a complex issue in some ways: You were betrayed by someone who took your trust and exploited it (and this isn't the first time this has happened to you). Under such circumstances, I think it is natural to become a bit more cautious and distrustful as a way of protecting yourself in the future, and that's certainly not a bad thing, as long as it doesn't become a barrier to trusting anyone at all. It's also important to remember that this is not a "flaw" in you -- it's a flaw in the person who betrayed you.

  5. #5

    Anniversary of a hard event

    Maybe you could plan something for yourself to do for the day, Janet. Maybe a craft, or a game, or something fun. Just something to keep your mind occupied with other than ruminating over a past hurt. That's not to say that thoughts of this incident won't surface, but if you're busy they're less likely to be able to take over your mind and bring you down. :o)

  6. #6

    Hard Event

    Hi Janet!

    Me again, I hope am not bugging you too much.

    I have just finished reading your posts in the Family Abuse section.

    How tragic that your husband is such a loser. I sure hope to hear that one day soon you will leave in and he will become your Loser Ex Husband.

    I can not believe that anybody could treat such an intellegent, kind, caring, creative, helpful individual like you in such a controlling, abusive manner.

    My grandmother also was very emotionally, mentally, physically abusive to me as well. She had the ultimate power of control over me and even though she has been dead 9 years, she still has control over me and the way I perceive myself.

    I was told that I would never amount to anything if I didn't . . ., I was a slut because I liked boys when I was 14, I was stupid, etc., etc., etc.

    I forget how old I was when I realized she did not have eyes in the back of her head. When I was being naughty (almost all of the time) I would be given the strap (a knife sharpening leather strop) and would have to sit on a chair in the kitchen. She would be at the kitchen counter doing something kitcheny, but would still be able to see me making faces behind her back, or fidgeting or something. I finally figured out that what she would be doing was watching my reflection on a mirror that was placed in a convenient location. She of course controlled this situation by telling me she had eyes in the back of her head and she could see everything.

    Of course I thought all of this type of abuse was normal and everybody got strapped until they were bruised, and believed everything she said to me.

    Please, please, please make the right desicion to ditch that loser so you can get on having a happy life for yourself - you more than deserve it.

  7. #7

    Anniversary of a hard event

    Oops! Sorry Janet, I forgot to tell you I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Maybe you could go out and shoot some more of your beautiful photos!

  8. #8

    Anniversary of a hard event

    I am going to try to stay busy. I'm going to make a list of a bunch of stuff I need to do. I thought about just getting something alcoholic and drinking away the day, but I don't drink so I'm not sure what that would do to me.

    I don't know why I always seem to trust the wrong people. There are people who could tell me just anything and I would believe them.

    Cherry, you are not bugging me at all! I am so sorry your grandmother was so cruel. That is so bizarre about the mirror. How mean of her to do that. A grandmother should just love you and treat you with love.

    I had a grandmother who was similar in that she thought I was going to always be bad. I always wondered if she was abused as a child and she just wanted to protect me. She told my mom not to even let us wear shorts and jewelry and makeup. And if you ate certain foods you were bad. And I still struggle with this stuff. It's sad how these things affect us even after the people are gone.

    And the thing about my husband is that he is SO nice to me sometimes. I'm always trying to figure out what I did to make him angry or trying to guess ahead what I might do. I want to figure it out so that he'll be nice to me ALL the time or most of the time. Sometimes I wish he would leave and then I'm sure I would go running after him like a little puppy dog 'cause maybe he is the only one who could ever love me. I think this MIGHT not be true but I can't be sure. If that makes any sense.

    I hope I can deal with these things in time and figure things out. I just don't understand him at all.

    The weird thing about what happened two years ago is that I can't remember what happened before or after, but the THING itself is burned into my brain. I can't forget it, or gloss it over or make sense of it and it affected me physically for several days. I don't remember how I got through it last year. Right now I feel really disconnected from it. I know I'll get through tomorrow. I'll think about it and it will be hard, but I'll get through it somehow. I will not hurt myself, that I vow.

    Cherry, I hope there will be a pretty sunset. That would help. Maybe I can take a picture of the lacy trees against the sky or something. Or my dog if she'll be still. Or maybe I'll set a timer and take pictures of myself to prove to me that I survived. Maybe my cats won't give me the evil eye long enough for me to take pictures of them. Maybe I'll cry? I don't know. Maybe I'll get the good china out and eat off of it by myself. Maybe I could wear something pretty. I'm hoping I'll have a key to one of the cars after my husband leaves out of town for work so maybe I could go out or something. Or maybe that would be too scary. I could bake some cookies. That would be fun.

    I just hope I can stop thinking about what I could have/should have done. I can't change it no matter what.

  9. #9

    Anniversary of a hard event

    I will ask you this, Janet: Find something beautiful or wonderful tomorrow and take a picture of it. Make the day be beautiful. Make something in the day be beautiful. If you can do that, you will have beaten him. You will have beaten the person who did this to you. And you will have proved that he cannot take away the beauty from your life and that no one else can take that away either.

  10. #10

    Anniversary of a hard event

    I will do that. I already took some pictures and I'm going to take some more. I am still here in the world and I am ok. I'm really fighting those "how did I get myself into this mess" thoughts, but sometimes there just aren't any answers I guess.

    And I'm organizing my cds which are in a horrendous mess. Ugh. How did I let that happen? That will take all day.


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