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  1. #1

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    Hi.. I'm kinda new to all this so please excuse my hesitancy. I'm nervous about writing this into a forum.

    Over my life, I've faced alot of issues. Many of them dealing with lacking in self-confidence, being bugged at school about having a learning disorder, Every guy I've dated dumping me for odd reasons, family being broken apart, and even the way that I look at life is somewhat questioned in my head. Let me explain what I mean by that....

    My parents divorced when I was 7 months old. My dad lives in Vancouver with a lady that he's been with for 13 years and he still flirts with other women on and offline, while my mom has been my primary parent all my life. She's AWESOME... my role model. Although, I watch her suffer with medical conditions that I wish to god I could take away and let her be ok but I can't so it hurts both her and me. Majority of my family is down on the coast while I live in the interior, so alot of the time I feel alone, except for around my mom.

    School was always hard for me. I was diagnosed with ADD in grade 9, so I was a medical guinea pig most of my school years. I was constantly bugged and bullied.. My school even wanted to drop me out so my mom and I had to fight tooth and nail to keep me in until grad. I tried going to college but even the courses I had to take in upgrading, I even failed so part of me questions to even go back. I want to.. man, do I ever but I just don't know how.

    Relationship-wise, well that's a different subject all-together. I've been though so much and I just wonder how I have the strength to keep going. I've been abused every way possible by men in my life, physcially in one relationship especially and it took me 3 years to finally get away.. But then 3 months to snap me out of depression and solitude and into the real world again.. But lately, I just question how anyone could ever feel romantically for me anymore.... I just was broken up with yet again, but Allen* and I are going to try and remain friends and maybe grow from there.

    Also, I will admit, lately for the past few months, I have had thoughts of running away or suicide.. time and time again, Allen* has to pin me down on the bed to stop me from running or overdosing.. But the thoughts keep coming.

    As you can see, I really have a problem with self-confidence. Yeah I know, Alot of people tell me to RELAX but I never can, and I have a real hard time trying to get through day by day. I never know where to get the strength. I ask my friends, my family, and even Allen*, but even when they try and give me advice, it still feels like the answer isn't there.

    So I send this problem out to you.... hoping maybe you have the answers I'm looking for.. What should I do? I don't know where to even start looking for confidence and strength anymore.


    ** Boyfriend's name changed by request.
    They say life is a highway.. what happens when you hit a dead end?

  2. #2

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    At the risk of being too obvious, have you already considered the most effective combination for depression--therapy with antidepressants? Being able to analyze and ignore negative, self-defeating thinking is a skill we all need to develop, which is why most therapy sessions and self-help books address negative thinking in some way.

    Related Links:
    excerpts from The Feeling Good Handbook
    Ten Days to Self-Esteem
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. #3

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    Most Canadian colleges and universities these days have provisions for extra accomodation or assistance -- did you access those when you tried college?

    Have you, as Daniel suggested, ever talked to your doctor or a counsellor/therapist? If not, would you consider it? I'm not sure what you mean by "the interior" of BC (I always sucked at geography) but there should be some resources there...

  4. #4

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel
    At the risk of being too obvious, have you already considered the most effective combination for depression--therapy with antidepressants? Being able to analyze and ignore negative, self-defeating thinking is a skill we all need to develop, which is why most therapy sessions and self-help books address negative thinking in some way.

    Related Links:
    excerpts from The Feeling Good Handbook
    Ten Days to Self-Esteem
    yeah I've tried going to counselling and being on prozac, epivale, and ritalin, which is what I mean by being a medical guinea pig. But I'm also reading the book "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson. It's the one book that snapped me back into reality when I walked out on my other relationship. I also have her other book "Take Time For Your Life". Ever heard of them?
    They say life is a highway.. what happens when you hit a dead end?

  5. #5

    Reply

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter
    Most Canadian colleges and universities these days have provisions for extra accomodation or assistance -- did you access those when you tried college?

    Have you, as Daniel suggested, ever talked to your doctor or a counsellor/therapist? If not, would you consider it? I'm not sure what you mean by "the interior" of BC (I always sucked at geography) but there should be some resources there...
    Yeah. I was using those assistance when I was attending UCC but I still failed most of my courses.. It's really discouraging. I've been trying to figure out if maybe it's just that I was going into the wrong field or something but I'm not sure. I was taking Tourism Management with my major Events and Conventions.
    They say life is a highway.. what happens when you hit a dead end?

  6. #6

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    yeah I've tried going to counselling and being on prozac, epivale, and ritalin, which is what I mean by being a medical guinea pig. But I'm also reading the book "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson. It's the one book that snapped me back into reality when I walked out on my other relationship. I also have her other book "Take Time For Your Life". Ever heard of them?
    I haven't heard of those books, but I just read the introduction to "Take Time for Your Life" at Amazon. My favorite part was the quote by George Lenoard: "48 perent of 4,126 male executives saw their lives as empty and meaningless despite years of professional striving."

    Personally, if I was having a tough time like you are now, I would supplement self-help with a return to therapy since therapists are good at going over everything, finding things we miss or have problems solving, and creating a sense of order and calm.

    Also, as you probably know, there are a good number of new drugs and drug combinations that have come out in the last couple years, some of which are quite different/unique. Even new drugs in the same class as existing drugs are helpful. For example, the SSRI Lexapro has helped people like my brother who did not benefit from taking the SSRI Prozac.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  7. #7

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    Hi Angel,

    I would go with the counselling if I were you. That way you have some guidance for your future path. Thanks for posting that book title and author. Looks very interesting. I'm going to get it from the public library.

    Good Luck &
    Merry Christmas

  8. #8

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    I appreciate the help you guys.. as you can probably tell by now, my life's a mess, and I have been considering counselling. I started going to an anixiety support group orientation that gives some info as to life skills and how to work well with others while in depression. It's in a short pause right now over the holidays but I think I only have a couple of weeks left in it. I'm kinda thinking about getting a personal cousellor too.. but I'm not entirely sure. Whenever I've had them in the past, is when I've faced lots of bullying and teasing. So having that in my past, makes me anxious to attempt it again.
    They say life is a highway.. what happens when you hit a dead end?

  9. #9

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    My question is, How do you keep the strength to try and get out of depression when it seems like every time something great happens to bring you that much closer to being happy, another two things happen to make you feel worse?
    They say life is a highway.. what happens when you hit a dead end?

  10. #10

    I need some SERIOUS Advice...

    I look at life as a series of hills, with an occasional mountain. Climbing out of depression is darned difficult for anyone, but once you're out you can coast for awhile before there's another "hill" to be climbed. When you find the hills getting too close together, with the coasting (downhills) too short to give sufficient recovery time; or, when confronted with a mountain, that's the time to get some counselling help as an adjunct to any medications you might be taking. Two minds on a problem are always better than one mind trying to find its way alone.

    The more hills you climb, the better you get at hill climbing and the easier it gets. Be proud of your accomplishments, and pat yourself on the back more often. As long as you're doing the work, hon, you're making progress. :)

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