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Thread: EEEKKKKKK

  1. #1

    EEEKKKKKK

    Doctor called. Not good news and I have to go see him tomorrow.

    My stomach is churning. I get the impression that I am going to be admitted.

    I hate getting blood work done: it always tells the truth. I am so afraid of going. Not afraid of the results, but of my doctor certifying me. Now what? My kids can hardly take care of themselves. I will be forced to call their father. And that scares me the most.

    My head is pounding. Stress sucks. I will post more when I get back tomorrow. Just wondering if I should even go. We will just get into an argument. But not many options here.

    Wish I could just make this go away. Its not that easy to eat and drink. It takes time and I don't have any time left. And what if it is my kidneys? That will cause a entire sectrum of more problems.

    Haunting

  2. #2

    EEEKKKKKK

    You know you have to go, hon. You're taking so many positive steps right now. You really are. Yet, it will be very difficult to take more positive steps until you get your health on track. Being physically healthy helps us to fight to become mentally healthy, as well. We need the strength more than most people do.

    I'm very proud of what you're doing, and the courage you're showing us all. We're here for you, and rooting for you to win your way through all this. Regaining your physical health is the first step toward doing so. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to get, and the harder it's going to be. That's why it's so important to keep this appointment and get started now.

    I hope you can feel all the cyber hugs I'm sending your way. I really do care. We all do...so very much.

  3. #3

    EEEKKKKKK

    Well I must have felt those hugs as I just had a wonderful feeling sent through my body. And I thank you for this as I had some good tears to come with.

    So I went today. My potassium is really low. My hemoglobin is very high. But kidneys are okay, and thank goodness for that. Not that the other stuff is not important, but can be fixed. My doctor was soooo sweet, made me cry as he showed much emotion today. I can say he is not just my doctor, he is my friend as he shows his care and concern everytime I walk in that room.

    Sooo, we are looking at IV treatments but not yet..... he is calling my t on Monday to see what we can do without me feeling like I am losing any control that I do have left. (make sense)?? I just feel like when we have to do this, well I feel like I have failed. So this weekend I am going to drink as much as possible. I have already had about 700ml of non-decaf tea. I also put in a little sugar and milk.

    I will keep posting to let u know what happens. I know that you all care, I see how special you all are. I do read many posts, not always knowing what to say in response. But I see so many wonderful people here and I wish I could take away your pain. I see much strength as well...so I know in my heart you are all going to kick butt and more and more happier days. Have a good day everyone. Wish you could look out my window and see what I do today. Very cold here but its gorgeous. Snow built up on roof tops, frosty branches and so beautiful. Sun shinning so brightly I can feel its warmth. Its simply beautiful. I love winters natural beauty.

    Oh, won't be around tonight as I asked my bf to go out for a while with me. Need some time away. Then I will come home and play some games with my kids. We love board games, the kids (and me) get so goofy that half the time we have no idea where we are at with the game. hehe. Yes, I can be immature, but thats the part I love about being me. So you all have a safe and happy evening..........

    Haunting

  4. #4

    EEEKKKKKK

    Hello again. Just got back about an hour ago. I really did not enjoy the time out and was glad to get home. My kids were in the middle of a movie so we are going to play games tomorrow.

    My bf was not very nice or pleasant to be around. He made a mean comment towards me and I got upset. Then he got mad at me for saying something, and I was tactful about it, and said he was just "playing". But his comment was really heartless. I am to the point where I care about him as he has been supportive in many ways yet he can be abusive at times. He has always had a temper managment problem and I thought it would get better. But it has not and I am not sure how much more we can take. (being the kids).

    I don't have fun with him or even feel remotely good when he is around. My kids have brought many issues up as well. Other people that we both know have even made comments about his behavior. At first I thought it was just me but its not. My mom has a hard time even spending a day with us when he is around. And its draining my emotions. But I feel like I owe him so much. He is the one that helped me with finanes with the court battle. And I can't just pay him all of that back at once. So I would feel guilty walking out on him. But he is being such a jerk and I am realizing this now. He has always been this way.......took a while for me to see even though everyone else has been saying this from day one. I was cautioned before we even started dating, I guess I should have listened.

    Anyway, this was not supposed to be depressing. Sorry. Just glad to be home with my kiddies.

    Haunting

  5. #5

    I have been there!

    I thought I was in love with a man that was really cute. I talked to him as an acquaintance. and admired his goofy ways! What bothered me, though, was some of the comments he would make."You dont know what a contractor is? I also got warning bells when he became very jealous when I talked to other men. Also, I have never dated him, but as just an acquaintance only, he would sit in front of me at church and act very possessive.
    He also sent his mom around to say that this man was looking for a WIFE. I dont know him that well. I always trust my hunches about people. I have turned down jobs because I didnt feel right about the employer.
    Have you ever read the book, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin Beker? If you can get a hold of it, it talks about trusting yourself and warning signs of what to watch out for in the very beginning of a relationship. I suspected he is controlling and I asked him to please leave me alone. I am ignoring this man because he is not right for me after all.
    I also broke of a beginning of a relationship(also non-physical) as the man was way too pushy and didnt respect my values at all.
    I am very choosy when it comes to male friendships. After all, a good man is hard to come by!
    Insecurity drives a person to put the other down. This is how they gain control of another individual. My father was severely insecure and my mom married him because she thought she could nurture him out of it!
    You want to know what happened? He abused her and all my brothers and sisters and is now spending a lifetime in prison. I am on the lookout for a man with extremely high confidence! They have more to give into a relationship. The other just sucks your confidence right out of you.
    Trust yourself more!
    Good luck!

  6. #6

    I have been there!

    I thought I was in love with a man that was really cute. I talked to him as an acquaintance. and admired his goofy ways! What bothered me, though, was some of the comments he would make."You dont know what a contractor is? I also got warning bells when he became very jealous when I talked to other men. Also, I have never dated him, but as just an acquaintance only, he would sit in front of me at church and act very possessive.
    He also sent his mom around to say that this man was looking for a WIFE. I dont know him that well. I always trust my hunches about people. I have turned down jobs because I didnt feel right about the employer.
    Have you ever read the book, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin Beker? If you can get a hold of it, it talks about trusting yourself and warning signs of what to watch out for in the very beginning of a relationship. I suspected he is controlling and I asked him to please leave me alone. I am ignoring this man because he is not right for me after all.
    I also broke of a beginning of a relationship(also non-physical) as the man was way too pushy and didnt respect my values at all.
    I am very choosy when it comes to male friendships. After all, a good man is hard to come by!
    Insecurity drives a person to put the other down. This is how they gain control of another individual. My father was severely insecure and my mom married him because she thought she could nurture him out of it!
    You want to know what happened? He abused her and all my brothers and sisters and is now spending a lifetime in prison. I am on the lookout for a man with extremely high confidence! They have more to give into a relationship. The other just sucks your confidence right out of you.
    Trust yourself more!
    Good luck!

  7. #7

    EEEKKKKKK

    You only have one life-how about settling for the very best out of a man and nothing less! They are out there!

  8. #8

    EEEKKKKKK

    You only have one life-how about settling for the very best out of a man and nothing less! They are out there!

  9. #9

    EEEKKKKKK

    That's quite true, miss clean. If you settle for less, that's probably exactly what you'll get.

    I saw an old man leaning on a wodden crutch
    he cried out to me, "Hey! Don't ask for so much"...
    I saw a young woman leaning in a darkened door
    she called out to me, "Hey! Why not ask for more?"


    Leonard Cohen, Bird on a Wire

  10. #10

    EEEKKKKKK

    That's quite true, miss clean. If you settle for less, that's probably exactly what you'll get.

    I saw an old man leaning on a wodden crutch
    he cried out to me, "Hey! Don't ask for so much"...
    I saw a young woman leaning in a darkened door
    she called out to me, "Hey! Why not ask for more?"


    Leonard Cohen, Bird on a Wire

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