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  1. #1
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    Exclamation Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    Hey! I'm new here, and I have a really big question on my mind.

    My boyfriend isn't quite yet of age to be diagnosed professionally, and he says he'd rather not be. He claims he could have ASPD, but I have to disagree.

    Anyway, I have very recently found out that he has a history of ADD (never on medications, I don't think) a learning disorder and maybe some abuse. We've been dating for over a year and a half, and we're honestly in a fantastic relationship. He has difficulty trusting people. I know that websites say that it's best to run away if you get into this type of relationship, but I just can't.

    1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

    He lights things on fire. Usually things lying on the ground, but not arson. Apart from that, no. As a younger child, he got in trouble for speaking out against teachers. He's never had any run-ins with the law. He doesn't like being controlled by anyone.

    2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;

    Yes. He says he's easily bored and likes to use people (namely one friend) to get ahead. I see one flaw in this, because the friend he uses will do anything to anger people. This friend lives off the joy from making others angry. He says he's a great liar but claims that it's harder to lie to those his age.

    3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;

    No. He's a careful planner and likes to calculate plans before executing them. If he really wants something, he'll plan his entire scheme out before doing anything. He says he's slightly careless with his money when it comes to buying food, but that's all. To me, he's a good saver. He has plans to go to college, and has planned out some of his life already.

    4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;

    Not at all aggressive. He's extremely quiet and tends to keep to himself and his small group of friends. He doesn't have many friends outside that group, but he's known his friends for years. He's said to me before that he really enjoys being alone, and doesn't like talking to people. He claims he's irritable, but I rarely see it. Only when we're around large crowds of people in a building.

    5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;

    None other than being a bit of a pyromaniac, as I said at the top.

    6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;

    No. We've been together for over a year and a half and I've known him for 3. He's had his job for more than a year now, and says he really enjoys it because it's never boring and it keeps him on his feet. He doesn't have timeliness issues, but says he's not great with organization. He doesn't really have money issues and has a really good sense of finances. He's not at all sexually promiscuous. If he was, I'd be really surprised. He's fearful of talking to people he doesn't know. We were shopping the other week, and he didn't want to ask for help with something locked up. He also goes to classes regularly.

    7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

    Yes. He says he can't feel guilt or empathy, and can come up with a clear rationale for murder or rape. I don't know about stealing, but I don't think so. He doesn't hurt or abuse me, not even emotionally. He doesn't blame me for anything. He's really caring, and we seem to have a normal enough relationship. We can talk about anything without getting uncomfortable.

    Other things?

    He's not superficially charming. He says he had a history of conduct disorders, but they're not documented and seem more like ADD-related problems to me. He says he can't tolerate boredom, and I know he gets slightly impatient. His temper is completely normal. I don't see any sort of narcissism. He's never actually hurt me.

    I'm probably not the best person to diagnose him because I do love him, but he's asked for my opinion and this is how I feel. We've sat and talked about this for hours, and this is a combination of both our answers.

    Any other opinions?

    Thanks everyone!

  2. #2
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    We do not provide diagnoses online and you should distrust anyone who does.

    However, I will say that most of what you describe sounds more consistent with ADHD with perhaps a bit of adolescent oppositional-defiant disorder thrown in.

  3. #3
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    Thank you! That was all I was looking for.

  4. #4
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    Hi Dragon;
    welcome
    It is not possible to diagnose any one online, One thing that puzzles me is why isn't your boy friend old enough to be diagnosed by a professional ? Is he under legal age? And needing his parents permission to see a doctor.

    My boyfriend isn't quite yet of age to be diagnosed professionally,

  5. #5
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    white page, an individual under the age of 18 cannot be diagnosed with a personality disorder. Specifically, the diagnosis of personality disorder includes as one of the criterion that the invividual is at least 18 years of age. This is a recognition that in younger individuals the personality is still developing and is thus not fixed or stable.

    Adolescents younger than 18 may be given the alternate diagnosis "conduct disorder".

    For example, here are the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder:

    A. There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:

    (1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
    (2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
    (3) impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
    (4) irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
    (5) reckless disregard for safety of self or others
    (6) consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
    (7) lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
    B. The individual is at least age 18 years.

    C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.

  6. #6
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    Thanks Dr Baxter,
    That is extremely useful information, I think this differs a little from the legal quide lines and responsibilities in my country.

  7. #7
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    Clarification: This doesn't mean that an individual under the age of 18 cannot be diagnosed. It only means that an individual under the age of 18 cannot be diagnosed with a personality disorder.

    European countries I believe are more likely to use the ICD diagnostic criteria (currently ICD-10), rather than DSM. But even there, where the equivalent terms would be

    F60.2 Dissocial personality disorder
    Personality disorder characterized by disregard for social obligations, and callous unconcern for the feelings of others. There is gross disparity between behaviour and the prevailing social norms. Behaviour is not readily modifiable by adverse experience, including punishment. There is a low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence; there is a tendency to blame others, or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behaviour bringing the patient into conflict with society.

    Personality (disorder):
    ? amoral
    ? antisocial
    ? asocial
    ? psychopathic
    ? sociopathic
    Excludes: conduct disorders ( F91.- )
    emotionally unstable personality disorder ( F60.3 )
    the diagnostic criteria are listed under Disorders of adult personality and behaviour (F60-F69).

  8. #8
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    Re: Boyfriend Is Self-Diagnosing

    There is quite a bit more to the ADHD condition than I had initially realized until I've done my own investigations on the subject. Many of those traits are very common among people with ADHD. I had often questioned diagnosis of my ADHD as being something different because I shared many characteristics that you've described above, and my understanding on ADHD was very limited. I thought it was just an attention/impusivity issue, when in actuality, there's a lot more to it then just that. I wouldn't worry about him, just keep him accountable for achieving his goals

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