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  1. #1
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    Just want some advice on abandonment issues, if anyone can help?

    Hello everyone!!

    I am 23 and have question about my ex - 21 year old boy - his father committed suicide and his mum abandoned him at a young age and is a heroin addict who is in prison.

    He was a really lovely sweet guy while we were together always telling me how perfect i was, he was quite needy and clingy.

    We broke up and because we had an argument and he told me he still adored me and everything but couldn't get back with me, but we will be mates... now he

    • Avoids me to the extreme of running away
    • Behaves like a child and barely speaks to me, its like he is in a mood
    • He is now going out with a 15 year old, he goes from girl to girl, there normally young and he ignores all his friends while with her, always has to have a girlfriend
    • Scared of confrontation
    • He gets dumped a lot, and he never speaks to any of his exes again
    • Scared of rejection
    • Low self esteem
    • Doesn't seem to care about anyone or how he treats people? Nothing seems to bother him.. his eyes look so empty..

    I feel so stupid that i didn't see how he was feeling.. i only really noticed after we had broken up and he started behaving almost like a child, and i feel even sillier, because i think about it all the time, and he seems to hate me, but am i right i cannot do anything to help until he realizes his patterns and behaviours.. what if he never sees?

    Can anyone help me?

    Is this some kind of attachment disorder of some kind??

    Thanks x
    Last edited by David Baxter; July 11th, 2009 at 08:35 PM. Reason: formatting

  2. #2
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    Re: Just want some advice on abandonment issues, if anyone can help?

    Welcome upsidedown,

    I don't really have any answers for you, Someone here will though. I just wanted welcome you!

  3. #3
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    Re: Just want some advice on abandonment issues, if anyone can help?

    I'm sorry that happened to you. Breakups can be hard.

    Just wanted to welcome you to Psychlinks.

  4. #4
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    Re: Just want some advice on abandonment issues, if anyone can help?

    We don't diagnose anyone online and I'm not going to pretend to have all of the answers about someone we've never met and have only heard about second hand. However, I can speculate...

    I think the answers to most of your questions are right there in your post:

    • father committed suicide and his mum abandoned him at a young age
    • goes from girl to girl, they're normally young
    • always has to have a girlfriend
    • scared of confrontation
    • gets dumped a lot
    • scared of rejection
    • low self esteem

    So... abandonment issues, fear of rejection, low self-esteem and self-confidence... insecure in himself and in relationships so he needs to have a girlfriend at all times to counter those feelings... younger women enable him to feel a bit more confident than he feels with older women...

    • he ignores all his friends while with her

    When in a relationship, makes her the center or totality of his world and needs to be the same in his girlfriend's world (due to abandonment issues, etc., outlined above)... this of course is doomed to failure because it eventually becomes an overwhelming burden on his partners... his need for reassurance and attention can never be met by any one person.

    • avoids me to the extreme of running away
    • barely speaks to me
    • never speaks to any of his exes again
    • doesn't seem to care about anyone or how he treats people? Nothing seems to bother him.. his eyes look so empty..

    Tries to protects himself by pretending he doesn't care...

  5. #5
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    Re: Just want some advice on abandonment issues, if anyone can help?

    to Psychlinks Upsidedown.

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