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  1. #1

    Treat yourself like a friend

    By Cheryl Rainfield
    from Treat yourself like a friend

    We often treat our friends better than we treat ourselves. We greet them with happiness and affection. We listen to them with compassion and understanding, and we don't try to silence them when they need to grumble or complain. And we are unequivocally, unalterably on their side. How much of this do we do for ourselves? And wouldn't we feel a lot better if we treated ourselves with the same generosity and love that we do our friends?

    There are so many ways we are good to our friends. We take them out for coffee or bring them little treats. We encourage them to be in their feelings, and offer them what support we can. We give them hugs, advice, and love, and even when our friends have made mistakes, we rush in to support and reassure them.

    But when it comes to ourselves, we can often be quick to judge. We may silence ourselves when really we need to complain or to talk something through. We may withhold treats or small pleasures from ourselves until we have completed a particular goal. But would we treat a friend that way? No, of course not.

    Often we don't actively look for hugs or praise (even when we need them) and we may forget to give these things to ourselves. We may be quick to criticize ourselves, to notice our mistakes, and to point out what we see as weaknesses or faults in ourselves. But if we can just reach inside for a little of that compassion, good will, and generosity that we give to our friends, how much better we could feel. Like we have a friend inside us all the time, instead of a critical parent, a harsh taskmaster, or an enemy.

    Constantly criticizing yourself, silencing yourself, or suppressing yourself takes a lot of energy. So try to see yourself the way you would see a friend. Try to give yourself that same affectionate, indulgent treatment, and you may find yourself feeling happier and lighter, with more energy to do the things you really want to. It's worth trying, isn't it? You probably would for a friend. :)

  2. #2

  3. #3

    Treat yourself like a friend

    This is a really really good artical. There should be a link to this thread on all the other pages for all to read, as a sticky.

  4. #4

    Treat yourself like a friend

    Awesome! Thanks for sharing it.

  5. #5

    Treat yourself like a friend

    My counsellor had a sign which read "be your own best friend", and I really liked that. But sometimes, if I pat myself on the back for things, or think I am actually a really nice person, afterwards I modify my generous thoughts towards myself with the idea that I probably don't see myself the way the rest of the world sees me. How is it possible to introspect objectively? ;o) Is that being too hard on yourself, do you think? Or just honest?

  6. #6

    Thanks Janet! Great advice

    I agree that I have always been a little too hard on myself. I grew up in an environment where my family members were so undisciplined and just did what they felt like with no regard to how it may affect others! (They lived like animals!) I got so disgusted with people who are sloppy, slept around before they were married, were selfish, moped in self-pity) because of my family background.
    I think I used my inner critic as a defense mechanism so I wouldnt go out of control, so to speak! But it got so loud that I had to ease on myself gradually and allow for more flaws and enjoyment of life without losing my self-discipline.
    What drives me nuts, though, are people who are undisciplined(severely), have no morals, are very selfish, live like animals, are self-centered, etc. On the job I feel like pulling out my hair because I am still a little hard on myself, but dont want to lose control over my own self. I noticed the rewards of self-discipline are great!
    I am not saying, however, everyone is like this. I am saying that those who are, but this lack of self-discipline bugs me completely!
    Sometimes, others might think I am trying to be superior to them by my stubborn hard work, chaste life, but truly this is my defense mechanism against a very out of control family background!
    Does anyone relate to this scenario?

  7. #7

    Treat yourself like a friend

    Hi Mrs. King,

    I think it is easier to be too hard on oneself. I once heard "what other people think of me is none of my business." Words to live by. Self worth is based upon the qualities you have and share with others. I have found that other people's opinions are based merely on their experiences and not my own. Therefore, their opinions of my self worth are only their opinions, not necessarily based upon facts.

  8. #8

    Treat yourself like a friend

    Great post! I will always come back to this for a "pick-me-up"!

    Miss Clean

  9. #9

    Treat yourself like a friend

    On a bad day, if I pat myself on the back, I jump around and tell myself, "Hey! Don't ever do that to a person before he's had at least his first cup of coffee!" Then I get cranky at myself and start a fight. After that happens a few times, I realize it's just not worth it and I just don't pat myself on the back any more... really, around this house it just causes more trouble than it's worth...


  10. #10

    Treat yourself like a friend

    Dr. Baxter - one of yourselves is a bad-tempered so-and-so, and really should not be allowed down to breakfast ;o)

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