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Thread: Feeling crappy

  1. #1

    Feeling crappy

    I hate having Avoidance and Dependance disorder, I struggle and struggle trying to make progress in life but it's so pointless I always have these stupid disorders that stop me. I wish I could have one day where I didn't have to worry about what other people think. How can I ever improve, I hate hate hate being this way. I'd give anything to have self-esteem, confidence and not worry constantly about what people think. And I have no friends to help and no good connections with my family. I have never ever heard of anyone that has my disorders let alone beaten them. No one understands me, people minimize my problems.

    Why am I cursed like this? I want to be the social person everybody likes, I never asked for all this crap.

  2. #2

    Feeling crappy

    Well, you've heard of one now. I beat Avoidance and Dependence disorders, along with a couple of other "non-people-friendly" syndromes. I did it with therapy, medication and conviction. You can, too.

    The trick, I think, is to learn to live in the moment instead of constantly worrying about what someone is going to think, or what's going to happen tomorrow when that dreaded party is going on and you weren't invited (or were, and are getting the jitters about attending). Find your happiness in the here and now. Do something you enjoy, or find something to enjoy. There's much to be said for sitting quietly and watching the leaves move in the trees and the birds and butterflies going about their lives.

    I think the hardest thing I had to do was to stop concentrating on what was "wrong" with me and feeling sorry for myself because of it. The answer was found in actively seeking to do something about it, and taking positive steps toward that goal. It's an ongoing process and it takes work and committment.

  3. #3

    Feeling crappy

    Wow I can't believe someone has actually beat these disorders. You should be a role model for the entire world. Congradulations you must be a very strong person. :)

    I know I should live in the moment but I am unable to, as you know with a PD it's not something I am bringing on to myself it is a part of me. It is my personality and I don't know what it's like for you but to change that for me is like changing what foods taste good. How can I be something I have no experience with. It's not even voluntary my thinking I just think of what other people think of me and it takes over my brain. I walk into a room start thinking about that and I don't even know what I want, I just think of what other people think of what I'm doing.

    For things like my Depression and Obsessive thoughts they are bad but those are like outside things that do lighten up or go away at times. It's so hard to fight my PD because they are a part of who I am and not just some passing thing.

    I do things I enjoy but that becomes less and less because when I feel really bad there isn't much I enjoy. Plus I'm not doing things that I know in my heart are normal, I can think or do all sorts of things to try to cover up my weaknesses but I know humans are meant to spend time with each other, it's just not right for me to be alone so much and that all comes because of my illness. It tears me up to see people have social connections so easy and I can't do it at all.

    Plus I haven't developed properly as a person, I would just cling on to other people's interests if it meant I could spend time with them. I would rather do something I didn't like with someone then something I liked alone.

    Plus it's hard to work on not worrying about other peoples judgements because when you do that it turns people away from you because anyone who knows me knows I'm a flake and won't like it if I go against them.

    ThatLady, I just curious about what symtoms you feel you had from both disorders. Here's a list of both I found online at under the American version.

    Avoidant Personality Disorder
    1. avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

    2. is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

    3. shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed

    4. is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

    5. is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

    6. views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others

    7. is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing[/list:u]

    Dependent Personality Disorder

    [list]1. has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others

    2. needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life

    3. has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.

    4. has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)

    5. goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

    6. feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself

    7. urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

    8. is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself[/list:u]

    Also I was wondering if you took any classes that have taught you normal social behaviour and how many years you had the disorders until you felt you overcame them?

    Don't feel pressured to answer any of my questions if you don't want to.

  4. #4

    Feeling crappy

    I just feel so frustrated that the very way I would love to act and treat people I can't. I know how I would want to do some things But my brain just refuses to co-operate. I hate the feeling of weekness next to people I hate being dragged down by my lack of Self-esteem and confidence. And I hate not being able to build it up. I hate having my life sucked away without anything to show for it. I hate watching my dreams die. I hate seeing other people get recognition for things so so so much easier then what I'm going thru yet I get almost none. I hate not being able to connect to people. I hate being critisized or minimized and having it bother me so much, how do I believe in myself whether I'm right or wrong like others do.

    At least prisoners who get put in solitary have commited a crime, what the heck did I do.

  5. #5

    Feeling crappy

    In answer to your question, hon, I could have answered yes to every statement in each listing. I was a bloody mess, to put it simply.

    I suffered from these problems for nearly 20 years. It was therapy and determination that brought me through. A darned good therapist and a lot of hard work on my part. I had to change the way I thought about things. It's not easy, but it CAN be done. Just don't give up.

  6. #6

    Feeling crappy

    Thanks for those answers.

    It's funny I always thought that if I had contact with someone with these PD I'd really connect with what they said but after reading the way you talk about your struggles with it I get the feeling it effects me in a much different way. It's hard for me to explain but I don't feel the connection the same way I do as when, for instance, I read about other peoples posts about depression.

    Anyway thanks for the encouragement, and I encourage you to keep doing whatever it is that works for you.

  7. #7

    Feeling crappy

    When I feel bad my favorite emotion is anger, I love to feel anger because it feels so freeing. When I am truely angry is the only time I can disagree with people, I don't feel shackled by the opression in my brain about what other people think of me. When I'm angry I am in the moment not worrying about the future, if something pisses me off I let people know I don't bottle it in, I feel empowered when I'm angry, I wish I could be angry every day. It is truely a horrible curse to not be able to handle disapproval as a way of life. I see how nervous people get when they are about to be married or are going after the big job they have been after their entire life and I think wow, they only have to feel like that on those rare occasions, I feel like that everytime I'm around anybody.

    I just want to turn off the switch in my brain that worries about what people think. Why can't I focus on myself.

  8. #8

    Feeling crappy

    Life feels so empty, I don't have anyone I connect with and I don't see how I'm ever gonna have anyone. Why bother doing anything when I don't enjoy what I'm doing and I have no one to give me social motivation or to release my feelings to and I never will. Why can't I be someone that is social. Why do I get hurt so easily, why can't I just accept other people saying negative things about me, why do those words hurt me so much. Why can't I let things roll off my back, I really want to but I can't.

    I wish I could find someone else with Dependant Personality Disorder and we could depende on each other, I really wish I could clone myself so I could have someone that would give me company and would really understand the way I feel.

  9. #9

    Feeling crappy

    Hi RBM,

    I don't know if I have DPD but I definitely suffer with a lot of those points.

    I just realised yesterday when making a coffee for a builder working in our house, that I'm worried I'm not making the coffee well, and he'll think, "she can't even make a decent coffee". I was thinking, he wanted 2 sugars, full-fat milk, I'd gotten all the details, yet I was still feeling upset that I was sure my coffee was no good. What if my teaspoon is smaller than the average size teaspoon and ends up being more like 1 spoon of sugar, and it won't be sweet enough... and a hundred other stupid worries. And I only then realised that I always hated making coffees for people in the past because of this underlying feeling that my coffees aren't good enough.

    And then I realised how pathetic I was being. And I hate myself for being pathetic. How wrong can you go with a coffee already?!?!?! The builder probably drank it up without thinking about whether I'm a capable woman or helpless looser... he probably just drank it and carried on with his work.

    I try to remind myself the whole time that I am the one who's most interested in myself. Most people don't think so much into things, and don't give so much time to thinking about what I did or didn't say or do.

    Anyway, I wanted to say that I really identify with you, with your low self-esteem (which is a huge problem of mine) and your loneliness. (another problem altho not so bad any more.) I've only had close friends for 3 or 4 years, until then I was a complete loner. It really is sooooo much better to have at least one person you can talk to, one person whom you can be yourself with. And I'd love to be your virtual friend on this site, or we could pm if you wanted... until you find yourself a real-life friend. I really do feel for you. And I also have many of the same problems. I also get hurt far too much, and allow myself to get much too upset. At times my life feels completely empty. And I just eat and eat and eat to fill myself up and loose those horrible feelings. But of course food never really takes them away.

    One of my close friends also doesn't have any other friends besides me and I'm talking her through all the stages of making a new friend... we could do that together too if you wanted. My friend says I'm really helping her!!! (altho she still hasn't quite plucked up teh courage to ask this person to meet for a coffee...)

    Another point: I think the reason you can't connect with ThatLady so much, is possibly because, even though she says she had it, she's beyond it now, and she's so positive and upbeat... And you think "Well, she couldn't have had it so badly then," or "she didn't have it like I have it" coz it seems to impossible to you to overcome. And she overcame it. So it's hard to connect with that. Sometimes when I talk about some depressing things in my life and my friend responds too positively I come out more depressed coz I wanted her empathy more than her encouragement.

  10. #10

    Feeling crappy

    And I just realised you posted this centuries ago... hope you're still around to read this!!!

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