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Thread: In love

  1. #1

    In love

    I'm in love with my driving teacher, he is 20 years older than me and doesn't know anything about my feelings. And I can't tell it him. I'm thinking about him all the time and i realize that he is the very man I need. But it's impossible for me to make first steps myself. And he keeps ignoring me. He treats me like a child, (I'm the same age as his son). What should I do? Our lessons are over now. I'm really crazy now, head over heels.

    I've tried many tricks to distruct my thoughts from him, nothing works. I need him. I don't want to have anyone else, all other guys are nothing to me, I'd rather stay alone.

  2. #2

    in love

    Welcome sister,

    My thoughts about this kind of generation gap....yuck. I visualise you are wearing jeans and him wearing orange plaid polyester pants. I just don't see how this could work but I know little about these kinds of things.

    The only book that I found really helpful in learning about "relationships" is Women & Love by Mira Kirshenbaum. I would recommend you read this.

    Here is an excerpt. "Falling-In-love, Danger #1. Infatuation, your nuts about a guy but your not in the kind of relationship with him where you are developing feelings for each other.....Look, feel whatever you want to feel. But know that the strength, power and passion of your feelings have absolutely nothing to do with wether there is anything good for you here. Because your feelings are not based on reality they can become super charged. After all, you havent confronted anything real."

    She also has a section that deals with the age gap that you are dealing with. Excellent book!

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...845048-0848764

    Take care

  3. in love

    Thank you for advise.
    My question is: how to behave??? I don't know, whether I should go and tell him everything. May be there is any hope... I felt a certain warmth, he had towards me, kind of... But even if he also has any feelings, he couldn't show it, I'm too young for him. And he is a very decent man, with moral rules. This might be the reason, why he didn't make any steps. So, perhaps it is me who is supposed to act in this situation?
    Or should I leave him alone and suffer on my own?

    PS: we are both wearing jeans ;)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    The Land of Wheat Kings
    Posts
    754

    in love

    Welcome Sister,

    My advice would be to stay away for at least a few months and then see how you feel. By the way, is he married?

  5. in love

    No, he is devorsed. I haven's seen him for several weeks already, and it hurts. I want to be with him.

    And there is one more thing: I didn't pay any attention to men before. At all. I somehow used to have other interests, and I didn't notice them. And now i feel such a tenderness to my teacher, it frightens me. It is like waking up.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    The Land of Wheat Kings
    Posts
    754

    in love

    I would wait several more weeks, maybe take some time and read that book HeartArt recommmended. Twenty years is a big difference.

    Take care.

  7. #7

    in love

    Hello sister and welcome,

    I understand how you're feeling, I think. For me, those feelings were a joy and pain at the same time. From my experience, I would recommend that you work on developing your own self/identity first. Like discovering what you want to do with your life, career-wise, and put your time and energy into that for a couple of years. Also just enjoy your freedom and youth for a while. Travel a bit and meet lots of different people if you can. That's so much easier said than done when the chemicals of 'love' are affecting the brain. After I became healthier, I realized that the feelings and thoughts I had about someone were actually obsessions which I allowed to continue like an addiction (I would go from depression to 'love' obsession, unknowingly).
    cm

  8. in love

    Thank you.
    And how to handle this persisting daydreaming? I just can't stop it. May be it is better to act, than to suffer? Even if I go to him and get into a silly and unpleasant situation, it will be a temporary pain, and it will give me a certain result, negative or positive, but a result. And if I leave it as it is and try to forget him, it can take too much time, it will be just waste of my youth. How can I think about arranging my future, when there is only him in my head? And all other things are all the same to me? It's such a difficult position, I can't get through it.
    Thank you all the same.

  9. in love

    To be honest, this sounds more like infatuation than love, hon. Love develops over time, and during an ongoing relationship. It doesn't sound like you've had a relationship with this man beyond that which developed between a driving teacher and his student. You haven't dated, nor have you shared time together beyond the driving lessons.

    Young people often become infatuated with teachers, or counsellors, or others who help them learn the lessons of youth. It passes, and new relationships come along to take its place. The best thing to do is to realize this, and to go on with your life. Hang out with friends, do interesting things, go to movies, and generally have fun. This infatuation WILL pass if you'll keep yourself busy and entertained with other things. Honest, it will.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    The Land of Wheat Kings
    Posts
    754

    in love

    I agree with ThatLady and infatuation isn't just for the young, I still get infatuated and I'm 36. But I understand it for what it is now and I try to focus on other things but it is difficult. I have to constantly tell myself that he's just a human being and he can't "save me" (that's embarrassing to write but I think I'm being honest with myself when I write it). It's just the context that I know him in. And as ThatLady says, "love develops over time in an ongoing relationship". The trick is to really develop some new interests and just enjoy being 20 and single.

    Again, take care.

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