I'm new here

[Sylvia]

hi I'm new here. I have been dealing with major depression for many months now. Antidepressants haven't really worked for me. their have been no breakthroughs in therapy. In many ways I feel trapped. As many of you may know it is hard for other people to understand depression if they have not experienced it themselves. I struggle with the ignorance of those around me. I am unable to share the full scope of my feelings. It is only under a name that is not mine and to people that expect nothing of me that I can be myself in essence. I take the name Sylvia as in the poet Sylvia Plath.I myself am a poet but that hardly matters here. I have hopes that this place can be helpful for me perhaps even I will be able to feel less alone.

~ Sylvia

[cm]

Welcome to the forum Sylvia,
I'm sure you will find many supportive people here. I have had depression of varying degrees for many years and was glad to find this site.
cm

[David Baxter]

I have been dealing with major depression for many months now. Antidepressants haven't really worked for me.

Which ones have you tried?

[Sylvia]

have been experiencing major depression for more than six months. I feel very odd right now. At times I can experience great emotional pain. But now I feel nothing at all. It is as if I have no emotion...there is no pain there is no happiness. The closest I come to anything is frustration...and then I feel nothing at all. I can only describe it as numb. can anyone relate to this or offer any suggestions on how to cope? I truly despise this lack of feeling! It is almost is I would prefer to experience great emotional pain as opposed to feeling no emotion. It sounds strange I know although I also know it to be true.

please help if you feel that you can!

thanks,Sylvia

[braveheart]

I'm just wondering if you are unconsciously numbing yourself from the pain, that its a self protective mechanism?

I can really only come from my own experience, which may or may not be similar to yours-
I'm dealing with depression too..and going through feelings of acute emotional pain....I feel there is only so much of that I can handle at any one time...and have to take it in waves, building up strength each time in the quieter phases, preparing myself for the next wave, I express the grief, feel the pain, and then so on....
"let it be"?????? sadly I feel these things cannot be forced.....I used to try that, but...

Are you on any meds?

Wishing you the best,

Braveheart

[David Baxter]

Sylvia, I've merged your two posts in the "Depression" forum so that replies to one will also show up for people replying to the other.

It may also be helpful for readers to be aware that there is another related thread in the "Self-Injury" forum at http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewforum.php?f=54 with the title "clueless".

[Aims]

After being on meds since September, the only emotion I have felt is "numb". Now that I'm off the numbing medication I'm trying to decide whether apathy, lethargy, and weight gain are better than the constant stomach aches, migraines, and panic attacks I've been having lately!

[ThatLady]

I found, during therapy, that I went through periods of "numbness" to emotion. I always figured it was just me trying to get used to what I was "supposed" to feel as a "normal" person. These numb periods inevitably passed. I just had to buck up and bull through. My therapist was very helpful during these times with suggestions as to what I might try, and listening to my ideas of what might help me. Together, we got through it and I came out the other side able to control the highs and lows of life.

[Sylvia]

I feel quite numb at this moment but I didn't last night. Last night I felt so bad that I cut myself. I haven't over two months until last night that is. That is the longest I've ever been able to stay away from it.I even felt suicidal last night...I thought about calling my therapist but it was too late and I wouldn't have gotten through to her anyway. I don't know what to do with myself... I'm lost and frustrated as far as my depression is concerned. I feel numb again and that gives my self-hatred something to feed on.

to answer brave hearts question I am on medication but I have found nothing that works as of yet. I feel much like a lab rat.

what is one to do one I feel so helpless and alone?...

~ Sylvia

[David Baxter]

Sylvia, see my private message to you.