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Thread: Clueless

  1. Clueless

    spring is here, I wear short sleeves...people see the red marks and yet they say nothing. I don't know what I think of this. Whether it is good or bad that my secret is still mine alone. I feel like everyone is clueless. Either that or they just want to be. I don't know... Do you?

    I'm clueless to because I don't know what I want to becomeof all this. yet if I tell someone that I no longer have the choice of what happens next. Sometimes I wonder if life is just a sick game we play...sometimes I don't know what to think when I feel nothing but numbness. Which is almost like feeling nothing at all like being dead but your heart still beats yet you feel as though you have no purpose. That is how I feel right. No one cares so I wonder whyI write this.perhaps it is because I want to know that there someone out there who knows what it means to feel like I do. Why do I choose such an unhealthy habit that has become more of an addiction to find relief more than anything else?I feel so lost clueless and empty!

    what does it matter everyone's clueless.... I don't know how to help myself and they don't know how to help me. Here I go again lost in a circle that is unbroken and never ends. It is only self-hate that repeats and repeats. It is why and started cutting after all. It is why am depressed. Sometimes I feel like I can never get away.

    any comments are welcome I just had to get things off my chest. Perhaps you could tell me if you experience this in someway or if you have any advice.

    ~Sylvia

  2. #2

    clueless

    Maybe it's related to the numbness you feel? A way to feel something, if only briefly?

    You're description reminds me of the symptom called "anhedonia" with elements of detachment and flat affect... do you have a history of depression and/or any treatment for depression? and are you currently seeing a therapist or taking medication?

  3. clueless

    People are often loathe to comment on things they are uncomfortable with. It may not be that the people who see the marks on your arms are clueless. They may just be trying to be tactful, or to avoid the subject altogether. It's a human trait.

  4. clueless

    I gave in last night and cut myself. I felt so bad and I just don't know how to cope! I was doing so well for a while because I hadn't injured myself in two months. I'm so stupid! Why can't I deal with this? I wish I wasn't so afraid to get help.

    ~ Sylvia

  5. clueless

    You're not stupid, hon. You're just in crisis and untreated. You're trying to cope with something that's beyond your ability to handle. We're not professionals. We're sufferers. We need to turn to the professionals for help with our suffering. That doesn't make us stupid, by any means.

  6. #6

    clueless

    I'd also add, Sylvia, that if you lasted 2 months I would encourage you to look at this incident as just a slip, not a failure. That is characteristic of many people in therapy or recovery and it definitely does NOT mean that you are not on the right track or not moving in a positive direction.

  7. #7

    clueless

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Baxter
    That is characteristic of many people in therapy or recovery and it definitely does NOT mean that you are not on the right track or not moving in a positive direction.
    Also, with experience, it usually gets easier to bounce back when major or minor relapses occur. "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" (from Nietzsche, who survived almost a lifetime of migranes and depression).
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. clueless

    I want to tell my therapist about my self injury I am afraid to. She will be away for three weeks and she told me that subconsciously her leaving is why I feel much more depressed than usual. I had not thought I was so attached. I also afraid that her leaving will cause me to fall back into a pattern self injury after which I won't stop for some time.

    What am I to do with myself? I need to know how to cope in her absence!

    ~ Sylvia

  9. #9

    clueless

    Did she not leave you with the name of a backup therapist in case you need to talk with someone while she's away? That is (or should be) standard practice. If she hasn't done this yet, ask her to do so.

    Alternatively, look for crisis lines in your area...

  10. clueless

    I now have replacement four when my therapist is a way. For some reason I'm still nervous about it though. I hate feeling so needy like a five-year-old child. My therapist seems to be the only one I could talk to.

    I have become too dependent on the feeling that self injury brings.I won't be able to break it for some time now. My therapist leaves this week and it will be what will keep me alive while she's away...what a horrid truth!

    ~ Sylvia

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