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  1. Relationship issues

    Hi

    I broke up with my long term finacee last June with whom i have a daughter with who is now 2. I found out she had been cheating on me which has messed me up and found out she got pregnant by someone the week we broke up. Since then every relationship i have been in i get all these weird feelings and thought going round and round in my head about being hurt again and end up pushing the other person away, the thoughts i get are repetitive which i repeat in my head to stop me worrying and everytime it gets too much i end up texting my partner making sure they want to be with me and are happy and to check they wont cheat on me and hurt me like i was before, its like i need to hear what i want to hear all the time to stay sane. Ive recently got with someone who i have been with for about 2 months now, i started off fine thinking it wont happen again this time with my feelings and thoughts but then they suddenly started to appear again as i have really fallen for this person now and am terrified of losing her and pushing her away, it gets to the point where i feel like ending it before it gets to the point where she ends me,seem to be worried ll the time what she is going to do behind my back and cant seem to relax. What is wrong with me.

    Thanks

  2. #2

    Relationship issues

    Insecurity and fear of being hurt. I think to some extent this happens to anyone who has been betrayed in a relationship. But as you are discovering it is destructive and self-defeating. She has probably moved on with her life but you haven't yet been able to manage that.

    This is one of those situations where a few sessions of counselling/psychotherapy would probably be really beneficial.

  3. relationship issues

    I dont understand it though. We have been seperated since last June and i do not have any feelings for her now what so ever, just want o be happy with the person i am with at the moment but am just insecure all the time and feel like i am pushing her away by going on at her all the time, i ust think the same thing is going to happen again and im going to lose it. How do i go about getting help on this?

    Many thanks

  4. #4

    Relationship issues

    It's not that you are missing her or wanting to resume a relationship with her necessarily... it's that you've suffered a serious breach of trust -- THAT is the part you're having trouble getting past.

    Try: [list][*]asking your family doctor to recommend someone[*]doing an internet search for "psychologist yourcity" or "counseling yourcity" or something similar (you don't need the quotation marks)[*]looking in the Yellow Pages under "Psychologists" [*]see if any of the links at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/find-a-therapist.htm provide any leads for your location[/list:u]

  5. #5

    Relationship issues

    BTW, the site I have used for finding info about local therapists is the therapist finder at PsychologyToday.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #6

    Relationship issues

    Thanks, Daniel... I'll check it out and add it to the list.

  7. #7

    Relationship issues

    Another minor detail: The therapist finder at Psychology Today is only for people living in the United States. It lists only a small percentage of the actual number of therapists in my area.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. issues

    Thanks guys for your help.

    Are there any online sites that you know of with info of my condition and similar?

    Many thanks

  9. #9

    Relationship issues

    Your conditon isn't a "disorder"... it's just a normal reaction to betrayal of trust. There are various books on coping with an affair in a relationship or coping with separation, etc.


    Try some of the resources at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/separation.htm and http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/relationships.htm as starting points...

  10. #10

    Relationship issues

    A good article posted on this forum:
    Learning to Trust Again

    Also, I did a search at Amazon, and a book that seems relevant is:
    The Courage To Trust: A Guide To Building Deep And Lasting Relationships
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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