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  1. 14, trying to get over a disorder by myself

    For close to a year I've had an eating diorder. Even though I didn't want to fall it to the society's view of beauty is to be skinny I couldn't help myself. I wanted to be anorexic. I thought that it would be ok since I have a friend who was when she was younger and her family helped her out of it. So I went on the web about ana and researched everything I could about it and of course I stumbled upon pro ana sites. Luckily I didn't have internet at the time cause I was intrested. Anyways I started off with binging. Then I stopped eating. I would eat one thing bad so I would binge again and stop eating. So my weight has maintained itself getting lower then higher. I believe these are bulimic patterns. I'm not sure if this is really bulimia. But this has been going on up till recently. I knew that I was getting an eating disorder but it hadn't quite clicked that I had one. I read something about how bulimics are aware there's a problem. That's when I started thinking. Food was all I thought about. So I researched bulimia. I knew I fit some of the symptoms. I don't want to have a eating disorder. I'm eduacated for my age on the effects of the media. I appear to be a good self esteemed intellectual person. I hid it so well. No one ever suspected about the skipped meals, huge binges. I've hidden it so well no one will ever see that I'm getting better. I've made steps to eat regular meals that are healthy and I exercise. I've formed a realistic few of what my body should look life. I've learned to love my hourglass figure and wide hips. I've learned that I'll never be a size 3 cause my bones can't even get that small, size doesn't matter. I'm learning to accept who I am and to love myself. I still have erges to stop eating cause I still tell myself somedays I'm fat and ugly but I ignore it. I never got to bad into bulimia which I'm glad. I'm getting out of it and healing. I knew all the stuff before but now I know know. I feel incredibly stupid for this ever being an issue to myself. I hate myself for that but I know not to focus on this. It's just that I knew better. I'm not really over it. I still go days without meals but it's way better. I feel stupid posting on a site but I needed to tell somebody and I need a little encouragement cause I won't tell my friends or family. I won't seek help but I will get through it.

  2. #2

    14, trying to get over a disorder by myself

    Well rave, first of all, welcome. Secondly, you are very aware that you have an eating disorder (or the beginnings of...I'm not a doctor). I've heard of some people being able to pull themselves out of an eating disorder and even be successful at it. However, I think that even if you are able to do this, there are obviously still issues that you are trying to deal with that you might want to talk to a therapist about. Even I was only in therapy for a very short time for anorexia, and I haven't done too badly, however the fears and bad feelings still surface sometimes. It's not nice to be completely alone - that's why you joined this forum, right? But, the forum might not be enough. It's so wonderful to hear you say that you're learning to love yourself, but it still wouldn't do any harm to talk with somebody one on one. I don't know what kind of resources you have available to you, or what your situation is exactly. Can I ask how old you are? Are you living with your parents? Are you in school?

    Anyway, I'm sure the Dr. will give you a reply soon and some advice.

    My advice would be to stay away from those pro ana sights. I was interested in checking one out myself - not to take advice from it, but because when I heard about them I thought they were so outrageous (in a bad way). I mean, despite how stubborn I was (and still can be) when my anorexia was at it's worst, on some level I knew that something wasn't right about what I was doing. Just like you, I disagreed with falling prone to society's influence to become skinny beyond what's healthy. I decided to do it anyway though, because I felt I couldn't fight it (When in Rome...). But, I still knew something was wrong with it. It scares me that children, or anybody, can get encouragement from these sights that constantly give you the message that you're not doing anything wrong. I still haven't visited any of these sights.

    So, just hold on and keep up the positive thinking.

  3. #3

    14, trying to get over a disorder by myself

    Actually, I think Diana's reply is right on.

  4. #4

    14, trying to get over a disorder by myself

    you know rave, we all come here for one reason or another. the fact is you were able to tell someone and that takes a huge load off of you. I understand what that feels like. and in a way you want people to know what you went through
    I've hidden it so well no one will ever see that I'm getting better.
    they may not see that you're getting better b/c they never knew you had an ed to begin w/ but they will be able to see you be happier w/ yourself. it does show for most people no matter how much you try. you will be able to enjoy meals and going out w/ people and not be stuck surfing those pro ana sites. you sound like you have enough education about the media as you said so in the end the things you will take away from this will be great lessons to help you in your future, b/c you understand the why's and how's. you should be so porud of yourself for starting to get better!
    don't hate yourself for something you can't change. it tough reflecting on the past year and knowing what you went through but that was in the past and you've come such a long way to try and take an initiative and a stand and stop the behaviors. you said you're not really over it and that you won't seek help though. noone can force you to get help. but do consider your options... ie. you don't have to tell your family but what about a doctor they don't know that you could talk to? having an ed for a year can have negative consequences and a doctor may be able to help you find a good exercise program if that's what you want to do or refer you to a psychologist/counsellor... what about a community counsellor, like a place that you can go to for info where they have counsellors on hand.. they may be able to help you work through some of the remaining/ underlying issues. speaking of own experience I know that you can get to a point where you stop but I also know that it is easy to go back to old ways if you haven't dealt w/ the reasons why you started in the 1st place. I think that it is very very difficult to get over an ed yourself L/T but the best of luck to you!

  5. #5

    14, trying to get over a disorder by myself

    you know rave, we all come here for one reason or another. the fact is you were able to tell someone and that takes a huge load off of you. I understand what that feels like. and in a way you want people to know what you went through
    I've hidden it so well no one will ever see that I'm getting better.
    they may not see that you're getting better b/c they never knew you had an ed to begin w/ but they will be able to see you be happier w/ yourself. it does show for most people no matter how much you try. you will be able to enjoy meals and going out w/ people and not be stuck surfing those pro ana sites. you sound like you have enough education about the media as you said so in the end the things you will take away from this will be great lessons to help you in your future, b/c you understand the why's and how's. you should be so porud of yourself for starting to get better!
    don't hate yourself for something you can't change. it tough reflecting on the past year and knowing what you went through but that was in the past and you've come such a long way to try and take an initiative and a stand and stop the behaviors. you said you're not really over it and that you won't seek help though. noone can force you to get help. but do consider your options... ie. you don't have to tell your family but what about a doctor they don't know that you could talk to? having an ed for a year can have negative consequences and a doctor may be able to help you find a good exercise program if that's what you want to do or refer you to a psychologist/counsellor... what about a community counsellor, like a place that you can go to for info where they have counsellors on hand.. they may be able to help you work through some of the remaining/ underlying issues. speaking of own experience I know that you can get to a point where you stop but I also know that it is easy to go back to old ways if you haven't dealt w/ the reasons why you started in the 1st place. I think that it is very very difficult to get over an ed yourself L/T but the best of luck to you!

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