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  1. #11
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    Aug 2005
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    Re: The Narcissistic Family

    her advancing age puts her closer to death
    Isn't that true for any of us? Or a person can be struck by a car or lightening at any moment regardless of age. I know people in their eighties and nineties who live as though they have a hundred years ahead of them while I have seen people in their twenties ready for the mortician.

    I was just curious about why your Mother's potential mortality colored your view of her behaviour and seems to be a source of frustration to you:

    Drives me crazy because she tries to take care of everybody's feelings because she thinks she is in charge of everything and no one can manage without her. It also keeps her from facing the fact that she is dying (or will die soon) so she is completely out of touch with her own feelings.
    While I admit as we get older, there is a realization that there might be fewer years ahead of us than behind us, I don't know think thoughts of death should influence our behaviour. I've known people with a diagnosed terminal illness, who were given a timeline for their time to live, who lived their lives in the end and interacted as though they had a hundred years to go,

    I have also noticed people who live in institutionalized homes for elders often become paranoid about their surroundings and their personal security.

    Could it be your Mother is not receiving enough intellectual or emotional stimulation combined with a lack of physical exercise, as is common in many assisted living facilities?

  2. #12
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    Re: The Narcissistic Family

    No, I don't think its true for all of us. Certainly, we all can die at any minute, but her life expectancy at 94 is 2.8 years. She also has an abject fear of death (see post above) and it colors her attitude. She also threatens suicide repeatedly. Usually just to me, but she has slipped up and said it to her psychiatrist. (That sounds like a contradiction but it isn't. Her suicide threats aren't real ... they are designed to get her way.)

    Her dementia and caretaker attitude makes it difficult for me to get along with her. The truth is, I've never gotten along with her because she's a fraud. I'm 60 years old ... I don't need or want a 94 year old woman, who can't take care of herself, trying to take care of me or my feelings. I'm capable of doing that for myself.

    At this point in her life she is what she is and she is not likely to change. Her mask of haughtiness and pretentiousness is failing her but it is still strong enough to trigger strong emotions in me which is why I have as little contact with her as I possibly can.

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