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  1. I've only just joined...

    Hi, my names Lily and i'm 14 years old. I've only just joined this website.
    I've been self harming for only a year. Doesn't seem very long when I read other posts. I just feel very alone. Don't get me wrong, I have friends but I feel like they can't help me. They wouldn't understand. I can't tell my family either.
    I self harm on days when I feel paticuarly depressed, alone and helpless. I made a lame attempt to kill myself through overdose which didn't result in anything. I don't know why, but it feels easier opening up to strangers then it would if i was to tell someone I know. Sometimes I feel that no-one understands. Everyones always so happy and although I don't begrudge them their happiness, I feel jealous. Jealous that they don't know what goes on inside my head. I wish that there was someone to tell me it's going to be ok because right now all i have is a voice inside my head telling me it's going to be anything but ok. People would think I was cutting myself for attention if I told them, which is mainly why I don't. I act like I don't care what they think but the truth is I probably care too much.
    Self harming makes me feel like i'm punishing myself, which I deserve. I do it mainly after an awful day when I just feel so isolated, and so different.
    I hope that i'll be able to relate to other people on here.
    Lily.

  2. #2

    I've only just joined...

    hi Lily! welcome to the boards.
    it doesn't matter how long you've been si b/c the point is that you si, so don't think that this isn't as big a problem as some people who have done this since longer. a lot has to do w/ how often and to what extent and how you si as well. anyways, it's diffcult to deal w/ any issue if you're the only person that knows. so coming here is a 1st step. One response I've gotten from a lot of people in my life is that they can't begin to understand what's going on if you don't let them in. so it may seem like your friends and family don't understand, but hun, how can they even begin to understand if they don't know what's going on? also, I think a lot of the time people do know or have some kind of idea, but they don't know how to deal w/ the situation. I remember I was writing this article for a school paper on si a couple of yrs back and one of the counselors was really suprised that si was even an issue for teens. so yes, a lot of people don't know how to deal w/ si b/c they lack knowledge about it. but that shouldn't be a reason for you to have to suffer through this alone or any longer. b/c the point is, there are people out there that have the resources to help and keep in mind your family and friends love you for who you are, no matter what. just telling someone what's going on takes a huge load off of you. you could for ex. tell one of your friends/family member and if you're afraid they don't know much about it, give them an article to read about si when you tell them.

    I don't know why, but it feels easier opening up to strangers then it would if i was to tell someone I know.
    there's less "threat" w/ opening up to strangers of personal feelings getting involved... so why not try opening up to a school counsellor or school nurse or even teacher you're close w/? depending on the area/school/person/extent of your si they may not even have to tell someone else etc. yes a common misconception is that si is for attention and it may be for some, but if you talk to someone who has experience w/ this they will try to find out the issues beyond what it may appear to be. does anyone know about your overdose? it definately sounds like there is a lot going on right now for you, so opening up to someone seems like a really good idea.

    it can seem like everyone else is always happy and you're not, especially if you're dealing w/ things on your own. but you know yourself that it's easy to put on an image. everyone has problems. it's just a matter of how you deal w/ them. it may not be si but that doesn't mean everyone else is always 100% happy. you said you feel jealous of them- so you want to be happy like that too? right? so reaching out for some help will be the 1st step towards that. it will get better once you make that 1st step.

    feeling isolated and different shouldn't make you feel like you have tp punish yourself. those are completely different things. it's a constant cycel though.. if you feel depressed and hopeless and then si you will eventually feel bad about that and feel even more alone b/c you know you si'd and noone knows, right? try reaching out to your friends for support.... even if you don't want to tell them about si call them up to just talk/vent or go for a coffe or a walk to get your mind off of things. also, have you ever tried other behaviours to replace si w/ that are healthier? ie. a lot of people use journals to vent in... this can also help finding out some of the triggers for si. other things could be keeping yourself busy w/ making jewellery (beads), drawing, listening to music.... things that keep your hands busy and your mind occupied will help to get over that initial urge to si. there's lots of other things you could do. try it and see how it goes.

  3. I've only just joined...

    hi again.
    thankyou so much for your reply, it was very thoughtful and made me think about a lot of things.
    lily.

  4. #4

    your not alone

    Hey lily,
    welcome , I just wanted to tell you that no matter how loong you have been this way it doesn't make it any less serious than anyone.. okay what I am going to say may sound pretty stupid and doctor like so sorry in advance...what you need ot do is change your self talk .... instead of putting yourself down and thinking that you deserve only pain tell yourself how good you look on days look at your life threw a more positive view you are worth everything in the world everyone is according to me do things that will make you feel happy and do not do things because you want to impress or make everyone happy.. I am saying this because i had the samt probleme and I am getting threw it now cause I changed my outlook on life and you can to trust yourself a little more you can do it
    yours trully
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

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