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  1. #1

    just want to be normal

    Hello,
    once again i turn to you for your insight on my situation.. I am presently in a state that i don't quite understand my life is no longuer existant i live to starve.... i wake up only to restart my rootine of exercising compulsivly ..I can't stop?? i spend my sleepless nights on a treadmill for hours none stop my legs are in pain but i just can't stop. I am numd to everything around me happyness and pain no longuer phase me I am dead to it all and just dream of living once again am i going crazy is my dream impossible to atain i am lost in all of this and don't know what to do ... poeple stare now but don't say a thing they all know that i am anorexic but don't bother to question me anmore ... What can i do to help myself feel again to stop overexercising to start eating again without anyguilt??
    yours trully
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  2. #2

    just want to be normal

    Hello,
    once again i turn to you for your insight on my situation.. I am presently in a state that i don't quite understand my life is no longuer existant i live to starve.... i wake up only to restart my rootine of exercising compulsivly ..I can't stop?? i spend my sleepless nights on a treadmill for hours none stop my legs are in pain but i just can't stop. I am numd to everything around me happyness and pain no longuer phase me I am dead to it all and just dream of living once again am i going crazy is my dream impossible to atain i am lost in all of this and don't know what to do ... poeple stare now but don't say a thing they all know that i am anorexic but don't bother to question me anmore ... What can i do to help myself feel again to stop overexercising to start eating again without anyguilt??
    yours trully
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  3. #3

    just want to be normal

    Sweetie, you have to get out of the house you are living in right now. What's going on around you is forcing you to not want to feel. It's driving you to not want to deal with what's going on. You deserve to feel safe and to be in an environment where there is no need to hide your feelings. Don't forget that you are still alive, and that you want to feel alive again. Don't deprive yourself of this.

  4. #4

    just want to be normal

    Sweetie, you have to get out of the house you are living in right now. What's going on around you is forcing you to not want to feel. It's driving you to not want to deal with what's going on. You deserve to feel safe and to be in an environment where there is no need to hide your feelings. Don't forget that you are still alive, and that you want to feel alive again. Don't deprive yourself of this.

  5. #5

    fear

    Hello again
    My fear of feeling once again is also very intense cause I am afraid that i won't be able to take it cause right now all i am getting is constant insults and orders and well i don't know if i want to feel the emotion that goes with it is that so rong????
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  6. #6

    fear

    Hello again
    My fear of feeling once again is also very intense cause I am afraid that i won't be able to take it cause right now all i am getting is constant insults and orders and well i don't know if i want to feel the emotion that goes with it is that so rong????
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  7. #7

    just want to be normal

    It's not wrong to not want to feel insulted, so you have to try and get yourself out of the situation you're in. Right now, I'm afraid that if you stay, you will either have horrible feelings or really hurt yourself in an attemp to not feel at all. You owe it to yourself to take yourself out of an environment that is so harmful. I'm sorry about your father, and I know you said that he's sick. However, as an adult he could have tried to change his behaviour in the past so that he wouldn't hurt you so much. How are you going to be of any help to him anyway if you're constantly on the treadmill getting no sleep and being pushed into apathy? Couldn't you talk to your mother now, or something?

  8. #8

    just want to be normal

    It's not wrong to not want to feel insulted, so you have to try and get yourself out of the situation you're in. Right now, I'm afraid that if you stay, you will either have horrible feelings or really hurt yourself in an attemp to not feel at all. You owe it to yourself to take yourself out of an environment that is so harmful. I'm sorry about your father, and I know you said that he's sick. However, as an adult he could have tried to change his behaviour in the past so that he wouldn't hurt you so much. How are you going to be of any help to him anyway if you're constantly on the treadmill getting no sleep and being pushed into apathy? Couldn't you talk to your mother now, or something?

  9. just want to be normal

    ashley-
    i just want to tell you that your a great person and you dont deserve what your doing to yourself. you deserve to have feelings, from happiness to sadness. i agree that maybe you should leave your dads house. maybe it would be easier for you to get better that way. i dont know though. i hope you get yourself some help cuz i dont want anything bad to happen to you.
    katelyn

  10. just want to be normal

    ashley-
    i just want to tell you that your a great person and you dont deserve what your doing to yourself. you deserve to have feelings, from happiness to sadness. i agree that maybe you should leave your dads house. maybe it would be easier for you to get better that way. i dont know though. i hope you get yourself some help cuz i dont want anything bad to happen to you.
    katelyn

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