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  1. Confused about changing therapists - any advice

    hi i have been seeing a therapist for a year now and have a big problem now. i have formed a real attachment towards her and can say it, i have fallen so deeply in love with her. every time when she is out for an emergency or out sick. i get so concern and feel very hurt for her. i leave messages on her voice mail. she has explained to me over and over that there will never be a friendship or anything else besides client/theraputic relationship. i have learned to accept that. but my feelings are still with me. i had a session with Lilly yesterday and we talked this out and she knows how i feel she asked if it was time for a transfer. it made me even more hurt inside. i could bearly give her an answer without tears coming down my face. i have relied on her and trusted her with all my issues and really hate to change. i am going through alot of pain and hurt and do not know what to do. i asked for a hug from her and she hugged back and said no more... i am thinking of leaving the building so i do not see her at all. if that would help. any advice would be appreciate thank you

  2. #2

    hello

    hello well
    hopefuly this information will be of use to you ... I believe that if you are seeing a therapist it is because you need help so well i hope you understan when i say it may be best that you see someone else because if you need help it is not by worrying about your therapist that you will get it .. it happens very freequently that a patient will have feeilings for his or her therapist and if it encoureages you a bit your not alone and well you should see someone else because that is what you were there for to get help you fell in love with this person cause she helped oyu and made you feel safe in someway and loved probably why you got attatched now it may be time to let go
    yours truly ashley-kate
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  3. confused about changing therapists. any advice

    hello ashley kate. i have a session with Lilly in 2 weeks and i am going to ask her for help on emotions and see if she can help me on this problem. as she is very open mined. if i can not shake this anymore i will find another therapist. infact i was thinking of it today. i am still going through the hurt and rejection..don't know why i am wasting my time on someone who is never going to return my feelings. i will find a therapist else where and it will not be in the same building where Lilly works. Thx Deb

  4. #4

    Confused about changing therapists - any advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynnie
    i am still going through the hurt and rejection..don't know why i am wasting my time on someone who is never going to return my feelings.
    But you didn't start seeing this therapist because you wanted to date her but because you had some problems you needed help with. The therapist is doing her job and behaving appropriately and professionally. The problem is that you won't accept that this is a transference issue and because of that you feel rejected and betrayed by her.

    i will find a therapist else where and it will not be in the same building where Lilly works.
    That may not be a bad idea under the circumstances but you will need to be careful that you don't make the same mistakes with your next therapist.

  5. #5

    good thinking

    hello deb ,
    like david said it is a great idea to change people and maybe evn buildings cause well you started seeing a therapist for help and not for a realtionship .. the next time just try thinking more laong the line they are there to help you they want you to feel better with yourself before feeling good just by being with people they are there to help you talk and to listen and analyse why you feel certain ways it's their job just like a cardiologist jod is to treet heart disease hers is to treat minds
    ashley
    continue in the way you are going you will get better and feel okay soon
    your's trully ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Washington DC
    Age
    32
    Posts
    21

    Confused about changing therapists - any advice

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter
    That may not be a bad idea under the circumstances but you will need to be careful that you don't make the same mistakes with your next therapist.
    David - Having feelings for your therapist is not a MISTAKE! No feelings are mistakes. It really bothers me that you said this. I am in the same boat as Lynnie, and am so attached to my beautiful therapist, and i can assure you this is no mistake.

    Lynnie - I dont have any advice for you, except that your feelings are not wrong or invalid. It is so normal for you to feel this feeling of rejection from Lilly, I would feel exactly the same way if Karen were to say the same.The thing I keep trying to tell myself and understand is that no matter what they say or do, it is always in the best interest of the patients. She cares for you, it is obvious because of that hug! Karen never has hugged me. She cares, tell yourself that again and again.

    hang in there until your next session, it will all get sorted out. ok?

    lots of hugs ~Jan

  7. #7

    Confused about changing therapists - any advice

    I'll leave that for you and your therapist to resolve, wantingKEE.

    Just try to keep in mind why you started therapy in the first place and ask yourself whether your obsession with your therapist is helping you progress toward those goals.

  8. confused about changing therapists...any advice

    hi all thanks david, ashley and wantingKee for helping out with your opinions. i am sure things will get straighten out no matter what. yes it hurts very much being rejected by someone that you are so in love with. feelings are feelings we are all human. i even know if i had met Lilly somewhere else besides being a therapist, like in a gym for example, i know it would be love at first sight. i just can't believe pyschologists think the term transference.. i have let everything go in my past and do not remember anything. thank you again you too hang in with Karen Jan, things will get better for you too. Deb

  9. Therapists are important; right Wanting Kee

    Hi Jan, since we both have the same issues. is there anyway we can contact each other by email. if you want to. i am sure there is a way to send private message. but haven't figure it out yet. I am a good listener. Lynnie

  10. #10

    Confused about changing therapists - any advice

    Lynnie, click on the "pm" button at the bottom of any post by the person you want to contact, or the "Send private message" link in the column to the left of the that person's post, or the "email button" at the bottom of the person's post.

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