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Thread: Not coping

  1. #1

    Not coping

    Hi all, I need to off load because I feel likeI can't carry on this way without some kind of miracle! I started university 5 years ago now, first year went well, then I took a year off and lived half of it in a ski resort and half in a hot country, then had to come home as my mother was seriously ( I thought) ill.

    She wasn't ill for long but I was back at home and thought I should carry on with my studies. Well, I failed most of that year, then went part time the next and failed that and went part time again and failed again. Now everone thinks I'm just about done when that is a complete lie - no-one knows about my failure except for my mother and she doesn't even know the extent of it.

    I started working for her a year and a half ago.
    She is a wonderful and well meaning person who has helped so many people in their lives - however she is on a bit of a different planet and is so disorganised aloof and neglectful that I wound up running everything for her and would put my studies on the back burner - only to wake up 5 years later with so much failure behind me. I feel sooo guilty now that it paralyses me. I'm only 25 and have high blood pressure and bad stress related skin.

    A month ago mother went overseas to hook up with an Indian guru - she has had an amzing life so far and has lived it for her, but her kids feel neglected. We grew up pretty much having to fend for ourselves. Now she would rather go to India than visit her grandchildren in Canada. She has rented out her house and we moved the business to closer to where I live. I want to move the business in the direction that I would like but I don't feel like I can because of my failure.

    It has got to the stage now where I myself have neglected everything I am supposed to have done, and all my responsibility just because I feel paralysed to do so. I can't concentrate, I have started to have panic attacks this past week and I am letting lots of customers down. I have turned the phone off because I can't face anyone. I will sleep instead of doing things I need to and I feel as if I can't trust my body and my mind because any minute a wave of tiredness or complacenecy will come in and drown me.

    What do I do. There is no-one to help me, I have one person who helps me administrativley and her mother has just died and she's lost 50,000 dollars - and things are in such a mess anyway that I'd have to do it myself anyway.

    My frustration with everything came out the other day when I found out one of my best friends came on to my boyfriend (probably unintentionally as she is excessively flirtatious but the rumors still hurt) and I slapped him as hard as I could! I usually (seem) to have it together but I feel out of control.

    Thank you so much for reading, I just need someone else to know the guilt, anger, resentment and failure in me. I don't trust myself anymore.

    It's strange reading back over this though, I'm very good at covering it all up, I don't think anyone I know would have much of a clue!

  2. #2

    Not coping

    Hi all, I need to off load because I feel likeI can't carry on this way without some kind of miracle! I started university 5 years ago now, first year went well, then I took a year off and lived half of it in a ski resort and half in a hot country, then had to come home as my mother was seriously ( I thought) ill.

    She wasn't ill for long but I was back at home and thought I should carry on with my studies. Well, I failed most of that year, then went part time the next and failed that and went part time again and failed again. Now everone thinks I'm just about done when that is a complete lie - no-one knows about my failure except for my mother and she doesn't even know the extent of it.

    I started working for her a year and a half ago.
    She is a wonderful and well meaning person who has helped so many people in their lives - however she is on a bit of a different planet and is so disorganised aloof and neglectful that I wound up running everything for her and would put my studies on the back burner - only to wake up 5 years later with so much failure behind me. I feel sooo guilty now that it paralyses me. I'm only 25 and have high blood pressure and bad stress related skin.

    A month ago mother went overseas to hook up with an Indian guru - she has had an amzing life so far and has lived it for her, but her kids feel neglected. We grew up pretty much having to fend for ourselves. Now she would rather go to India than visit her grandchildren in Canada. She has rented out her house and we moved the business to closer to where I live. I want to move the business in the direction that I would like but I don't feel like I can because of my failure.

    It has got to the stage now where I myself have neglected everything I am supposed to have done, and all my responsibility just because I feel paralysed to do so. I can't concentrate, I have started to have panic attacks this past week and I am letting lots of customers down. I have turned the phone off because I can't face anyone. I will sleep instead of doing things I need to and I feel as if I can't trust my body and my mind because any minute a wave of tiredness or complacenecy will come in and drown me.

    What do I do. There is no-one to help me, I have one person who helps me administrativley and her mother has just died and she's lost 50,000 dollars - and things are in such a mess anyway that I'd have to do it myself anyway.

    My frustration with everything came out the other day when I found out one of my best friends came on to my boyfriend (probably unintentionally as she is excessively flirtatious but the rumors still hurt) and I slapped him as hard as I could! I usually (seem) to have it together but I feel out of control.

    Thank you so much for reading, I just need someone else to know the guilt, anger, resentment and failure in me. I don't trust myself anymore.

    It's strange reading back over this though, I'm very good at covering it all up, I don't think anyone I know would have much of a clue!

  3. #3

    Not coping

    It has got to the stage now where I myself have neglected everything I am supposed to have done, and all my responsibility just because I feel paralysed to do so. I can't concentrate, I have started to have panic attacks this past week and I am letting lots of customers down. I have turned the phone off because I can't face anyone. I will sleep instead of doing things I need to and I feel as if I can't trust my body and my mind because any minute a wave of tiredness or complacenecy will come in and drown me.
    It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and having a lot of anxiety. I know sometimes it isn't always possible, but is there any way you could see a therapist about these things?

    If that isn't possible you might want to check out some of the posts here: coping strategies.

  4. #4

    Not coping

    It has got to the stage now where I myself have neglected everything I am supposed to have done, and all my responsibility just because I feel paralysed to do so. I can't concentrate, I have started to have panic attacks this past week and I am letting lots of customers down. I have turned the phone off because I can't face anyone. I will sleep instead of doing things I need to and I feel as if I can't trust my body and my mind because any minute a wave of tiredness or complacenecy will come in and drown me.
    It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and having a lot of anxiety. I know sometimes it isn't always possible, but is there any way you could see a therapist about these things?

    If that isn't possible you might want to check out some of the posts here: coping strategies.

  5. #5

    Not coping

    Hi thanks, I've decided if I don't improve by the end of this week I will see a therapist, I feel there are things 'blocking' me that I just can't fix on my own. Aside from this 'essay' above, I did ALOT of writing off line which I think I need to continue. But the relationship issues are compounding all this and I dont trust myself to deal with these (with him) right when I'm feeling so wrong. I may have to post re those! Thanks for noticing me : )

  6. #6

    Not coping

    Hi thanks, I've decided if I don't improve by the end of this week I will see a therapist, I feel there are things 'blocking' me that I just can't fix on my own. Aside from this 'essay' above, I did ALOT of writing off line which I think I need to continue. But the relationship issues are compounding all this and I dont trust myself to deal with these (with him) right when I'm feeling so wrong. I may have to post re those! Thanks for noticing me : )

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