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Thread: Me or him?

  1. Me or him?

    I'm on a break from my recent partner, every one who is close to me thinks I should get out!

    I have deep trust issues... and I'm subjected to the odd bit of paranoia now and then... In the last nine months I can feel myself slipping into a slight depression again, due to my relationship...

    My 'Ex' only came up on the weekends... they were my wishes, and I would talk to him every night on messenger... but, he would never return any of my calls or texts and if I didn't log on, I wouldn’t hear from him.

    Even though he is kind and generous and very tactile he doesn't like to talk about any thing emotional.

    I am a counsellor in training, and he is a technical engineer... so my congruence, honesty and openness clashes with his ignorance.

    I soon became scared to show him any emotion, in fear that I would push him away... he picked up on my coldness and thought I was going off him.

    Naturally I know the importance of communication, but if I would try to talk about me, him, us, or the way I'm feeling he would panicky and go into his corner and shy away until I gave up on trying to talk to him.

    I don't know how he feels about me - and I'm pretty sure he's so out of touch with his emotions he don't know either... and I have literally given up on trying to understand him.

    On a Monday three weeks ago I told him I've developed stronger feelings for him, and if he didn't feel the same I'd rather him end it... but he laughed and said we're doing fine...

    On the wends I sent him a text during the lunch hour as he had to put his dog down. It said..."I'm here if you need a friend"... As the hours passed I felt frustrated and foolish, hurt and upset because he did not reply.

    In the night on MSN he made no comment about the text.. so I asked him if he had it... the response was "yer"... so I snapped...

    I said;
    "I don't even get a thanks... I've always knew what you were like, I'm just a fool for getting involved!"

    He sharply said "I see - Nite" and blocked me.... a week later I rang him, asking him why he's ignoring me... I got... "I'm not - been busy".
    I put the phone down confused and here I am another 2 weeks later... he's missed my birthday, which hurts... I'm unsure if he needs space, or has decided to end it. I don't feel I can ask... as I'll not get a productive reply, he'll just act dull...

    I could just shrug and walk away... but I don't like to think I give up easy... I know I snapped because I felt rejected and they are my issues... but he doesn't give me a reason to think differently... I feel really close when I'm with him... but feel that as I'm out of sight during the week and if I didn't log-on I wouldn't here from him so I feel he is just using me for a leg over.

    I don't know if I should fight for this to work, or to just walk away while I still have my pride.

    Right now I'm blaming myself for being so needy... but friends say he's just using manipulation... he know he has upset me, and he has made no effort in making me feel wanted, so my paranoia stems from his behaviour... he has no urge to change as he sees this as MY problem, not his....

    Sorry for the length... any comment or feedback will be much appreciated...

    Thanks - Anna x X x

  2. me or him?

    I'm on a break from my recent partner, every one who is close to me thinks I should get out!

    I have deep trust issues... and I'm subjected to the odd bit of paranoia now and then... In the last nine months I can feel myself slipping into a slight depression again, due to my relationship...

    My 'Ex' only came up on the weekends... they were my wishes, and I would talk to him every night on messenger... but, he would never return any of my calls or texts and if I didn't log on, I wouldn’t hear from him.

    Even though he is kind and generous and very tactile he doesn't like to talk about any thing emotional.

    I am a counsellor in training, and he is a technical engineer... so my congruence, honesty and openness clashes with his ignorance.

    I soon became scared to show him any emotion, in fear that I would push him away... he picked up on my coldness and thought I was going off him.

    Naturally I know the importance of communication, but if I would try to talk about me, him, us, or the way I'm feeling he would panicky and go into his corner and shy away until I gave up on trying to talk to him.

    I don't know how he feels about me - and I'm pretty sure he's so out of touch with his emotions he don't know either... and I have literally given up on trying to understand him.

    On a Monday three weeks ago I told him I've developed stronger feelings for him, and if he didn't feel the same I'd rather him end it... but he laughed and said we're doing fine...

    On the wends I sent him a text during the lunch hour as he had to put his dog down. It said..."I'm here if you need a friend"... As the hours passed I felt frustrated and foolish, hurt and upset because he did not reply.

    In the night on MSN he made no comment about the text.. so I asked him if he had it... the response was "yer"... so I snapped...

    I said;
    "I don't even get a thanks... I've always knew what you were like, I'm just a fool for getting involved!"

    He sharply said "I see - Nite" and blocked me.... a week later I rang him, asking him why he's ignoring me... I got... "I'm not - been busy".
    I put the phone down confused and here I am another 2 weeks later... he's missed my birthday, which hurts... I'm unsure if he needs space, or has decided to end it. I don't feel I can ask... as I'll not get a productive reply, he'll just act dull...

    I could just shrug and walk away... but I don't like to think I give up easy... I know I snapped because I felt rejected and they are my issues... but he doesn't give me a reason to think differently... I feel really close when I'm with him... but feel that as I'm out of sight during the week and if I didn't log-on I wouldn't here from him so I feel he is just using me for a leg over.

    I don't know if I should fight for this to work, or to just walk away while I still have my pride.

    Right now I'm blaming myself for being so needy... but friends say he's just using manipulation... he know he has upset me, and he has made no effort in making me feel wanted, so my paranoia stems from his behaviour... he has no urge to change as he sees this as MY problem, not his....

    Sorry for the length... any comment or feedback will be much appreciated...

    Thanks - Anna x X x

  3. #3

    me or him?

    I don't want to sound rude or harsh, but from what I have just read it doesn't seem worth it, I understand that the time you are with him you feel close but what about all the times you are not and are left to hurt and think why am I in this relationship. But do you know wnyone who you could fully talk to about this before you make the decision as you don't want to regret it later, but to me it really doesn't seem worth it, could you threaten to leave if it doesn't get better?

    Heather...

  4. #4

    me or him?

    I don't want to sound rude or harsh, but from what I have just read it doesn't seem worth it, I understand that the time you are with him you feel close but what about all the times you are not and are left to hurt and think why am I in this relationship. But do you know wnyone who you could fully talk to about this before you make the decision as you don't want to regret it later, but to me it really doesn't seem worth it, could you threaten to leave if it doesn't get better?

    Heather...

  5. me or him?

    Hi HJ,
    Thank you for your reply, don't worry... it is neither harsh or rude.
    You are right, how low I feel during the week is not worth it for one night of passion.

    I have three close friends who I try to work out my feelings with, and I am thinking about getting proffesional help.

    I don't see threatning to leave is an option... I would not know what to say or ask him to do... nor I don't beleive in trying to change someone...

    I can't help but blaming myself as it was me who made the harsh commnet, so it lies on my head to appologise...

    As my friend said... if someone truely cares for you - there would be no reason for them to ignore such an important day in your life...

    Mabe I should face the fear , and addmit that he is just using me!?

  6. me or him?

    Hi HJ,
    Thank you for your reply, don't worry... it is neither harsh or rude.
    You are right, how low I feel during the week is not worth it for one night of passion.

    I have three close friends who I try to work out my feelings with, and I am thinking about getting proffesional help.

    I don't see threatning to leave is an option... I would not know what to say or ask him to do... nor I don't beleive in trying to change someone...

    I can't help but blaming myself as it was me who made the harsh commnet, so it lies on my head to appologise...

    As my friend said... if someone truely cares for you - there would be no reason for them to ignore such an important day in your life...

    Mabe I should face the fear , and addmit that he is just using me!?

  7. me or him?

    Never just threaten to leave, hon. It never really changes anything. This person doesn't sound to me like the right person for you. An emotionally open person never does very well with an emotionally locked person, despite the old claim that opposites attract. They may attract, but that attraction won't necessarily make for a lasting realtionship.

    Think about what you want in a relationship. You seem to be looking for an emotional connection with a person who recognized the importance of sharing one's feelings with those close to them. This person just doesn't sound like that type to me.

  8. me or him?

    Never just threaten to leave, hon. It never really changes anything. This person doesn't sound to me like the right person for you. An emotionally open person never does very well with an emotionally locked person, despite the old claim that opposites attract. They may attract, but that attraction won't necessarily make for a lasting realtionship.

    Think about what you want in a relationship. You seem to be looking for an emotional connection with a person who recognized the importance of sharing one's feelings with those close to them. This person just doesn't sound like that type to me.

  9. #9

    me or him?

    Sorry about what you are saying that you have to do but it really doesn't seem worth it.

    About the apologising thing -- yes you said the harsh thing but there was a reason and he caused that so try not to feel too guilty about it, if this is possible!

    Best wishes and take care of you.

    Heather...

  10. #10

    me or him?

    Sorry about what you are saying that you have to do but it really doesn't seem worth it.

    About the apologising thing -- yes you said the harsh thing but there was a reason and he caused that so try not to feel too guilty about it, if this is possible!

    Best wishes and take care of you.

    Heather...

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