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Thread: Loneliness

  1. Loneliness

    I don't know why I'm lonely. I don't understand why I'm unable to make friends. Vanity and political correctness aside for a moment (excuse me while I self-indulge for the purpose of clarity): I'm a good looking 19 year old guy. I dress nice. I don't think I'm that socially awkward. I can be intelligent and down-to-earth. I'm open minded. I'm easy to get along with. I'm not argumentative... So, why the **** do I find it so bloody hard to make friends!? At my age, I just can't get in with a group of people. The groups are already established. Nobody wants to take me in. I just don't understand it. I've been depressed most of my teenage life because of this. What makes it worse is that not having any friends is a vicious, perpetual cycle. You need friends to make friends.

    I don't have any siblings. I don't know my father. I hardly talk to any of my cousins or other family members. My mother and I are completely different people with totally different views on life. Who the heck do I turn to? Nobody wants to be around a lonely person.

    I've had the opportunity to go out with a lot of great girls these past few years, but I never go through with it. We go on a few dates, have a great time and then I realize I can't let her find out what a complete loser I am. Who would ever want to go out with some idiot that has no friends? It's all such a damn paradox!

    I start college this September. I wish I were going away for it though. Then at least I'd have an excuse for not having any friends. There would be tons of people in my situation, thus making its easy to get in with a group. But alas, I'll be living at home to save money, going to a local University. Wish me luck anyways.

    Do you think antidepressants would make the loneliness go away? I just can't take it anymore. It's too much pain.
    "He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." Andre Gide

  2. Loneliness

    I don't know why I'm lonely. I don't understand why I'm unable to make friends. Vanity and political correctness aside for a moment (excuse me while I self-indulge for the purpose of clarity): I'm a good looking 19 year old guy. I dress nice. I don't think I'm that socially awkward. I can be intelligent and down-to-earth. I'm open minded. I'm easy to get along with. I'm not argumentative... So, why the **** do I find it so bloody hard to make friends!? At my age, I just can't get in with a group of people. The groups are already established. Nobody wants to take me in. I just don't understand it. I've been depressed most of my teenage life because of this. What makes it worse is that not having any friends is a vicious, perpetual cycle. You need friends to make friends.

    I don't have any siblings. I don't know my father. I hardly talk to any of my cousins or other family members. My mother and I are completely different people with totally different views on life. Who the heck do I turn to? Nobody wants to be around a lonely person.

    I've had the opportunity to go out with a lot of great girls these past few years, but I never go through with it. We go on a few dates, have a great time and then I realize I can't let her find out what a complete loser I am. Who would ever want to go out with some idiot that has no friends? It's all such a damn paradox!

    I start college this September. I wish I were going away for it though. Then at least I'd have an excuse for not having any friends. There would be tons of people in my situation, thus making its easy to get in with a group. But alas, I'll be living at home to save money, going to a local University. Wish me luck anyways.

    Do you think antidepressants would make the loneliness go away? I just can't take it anymore. It's too much pain.
    "He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." Andre Gide

  3. #3

    Loneliness

    I start college this September...
    Some people turn into social butterflies at college. One of my friends in high school made a lot of friends after he joined clubs at college. He lived at home with his mother, BTW, until he finished his master's degree. So living at home is not necessarily a social speed bump.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #4

    Loneliness

    I start college this September...
    Some people turn into social butterflies at college. One of my friends in high school made a lot of friends after he joined clubs at college. He lived at home with his mother, BTW, until he finished his master's degree. So living at home is not necessarily a social speed bump.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  5. #5

    Loneliness

    Some self-help articles from the counseling center at the University of Texas at Dallas:

    Solutions for Loneliness

    Overcoming Social Anxiety

    Building Better Relationships
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #6

    Loneliness

    Some self-help articles from the counseling center at the University of Texas at Dallas:

    Solutions for Loneliness

    Overcoming Social Anxiety

    Building Better Relationships
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  7. Loneliness

    Daniel, I don't suffer from social anxiety disorder. I can socialize with people just fine. My problem is that I moved to a new area two years ago and cannot, for the life of me, get involved in a group of friends. Believe me, I try my best. I've asked people at work out to the bar, concerts, etc, and some have taken me up on the offer, but none of them call me and ask to do something in return. I've come to the conclusion that it's imposable to integrate into a group of people when you reach a certain age.

    Thanks for the articles though.
    "He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." Andre Gide

  8. Loneliness

    Daniel, I don't suffer from social anxiety disorder. I can socialize with people just fine. My problem is that I moved to a new area two years ago and cannot, for the life of me, get involved in a group of friends. Believe me, I try my best. I've asked people at work out to the bar, concerts, etc, and some have taken me up on the offer, but none of them call me and ask to do something in return. I've come to the conclusion that it's imposable to integrate into a group of people when you reach a certain age.

    Thanks for the articles though.
    "He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." Andre Gide

  9. #9

    Loneliness

    You haven't started college yet, but you may find which college clubs are available by going to your college's website. That may help you see what I believe---that it's often much easier to find people with your same interests in college. Even community colleges have college clubs with some having over 40 different clubs. At large colleges like the University of Florida, there are so many different clubs that they often interfere with student studies.

    I've had the opportunity to go out with a lot of great girls these past few years, but I never go through with it. We go on a few dates, have a great time and then I realize I can't let her find out what a complete loser I am. Who would ever want to go out with some idiot that has no friends? It's all such a damn paradox!
    Well, this is where I got the idea that you may have some shyness or self-esteem problems. Since you aren't shy, you should do well finding friends in college. Also, I don't see a paradox. You don't need friends to be an attractive boyfriend or gain friends. Just say the honest truth--you are in a transition between high school and college. Also, most people have some fear of rejection they have to work through.


    Nobody wants to be around a lonely person.
    People, generally, don't want to be around needy people who need a lot of attention. That's different, however, from being around a person who currently doesn't have other friends. As long as you don't seem too needy (like Tom Cruise's character in Jeremy McGuire), everything should be fine. When I made friends in high school or college, no one really cared if I had other friends or not.

    This seems like good advice:

    Think of yourself as a total person. Don't neglect other needs just because your companionship or friendship needs are not being met...

    In summary, don't define yourself as a lonely person. No matter how bad you feel, loneliness will lessen or disappear when you focus attention and energy on needs you can currently meet and when you learn to develop new ways to meet your other needs. Don't wait for your feelings to get you going--get going and good feelings will eventually catch up with you.

    Loneliness and the College Student
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  10. #10

    Loneliness

    You haven't started college yet, but you may find which college clubs are available by going to your college's website. That may help you see what I believe---that it's often much easier to find people with your same interests in college. Even community colleges have college clubs with some having over 40 different clubs. At large colleges like the University of Florida, there are so many different clubs that they often interfere with student studies.

    I've had the opportunity to go out with a lot of great girls these past few years, but I never go through with it. We go on a few dates, have a great time and then I realize I can't let her find out what a complete loser I am. Who would ever want to go out with some idiot that has no friends? It's all such a damn paradox!
    Well, this is where I got the idea that you may have some shyness or self-esteem problems. Since you aren't shy, you should do well finding friends in college. Also, I don't see a paradox. You don't need friends to be an attractive boyfriend or gain friends. Just say the honest truth--you are in a transition between high school and college. Also, most people have some fear of rejection they have to work through.


    Nobody wants to be around a lonely person.
    People, generally, don't want to be around needy people who need a lot of attention. That's different, however, from being around a person who currently doesn't have other friends. As long as you don't seem too needy (like Tom Cruise's character in Jeremy McGuire), everything should be fine. When I made friends in high school or college, no one really cared if I had other friends or not.

    This seems like good advice:

    Think of yourself as a total person. Don't neglect other needs just because your companionship or friendship needs are not being met...

    In summary, don't define yourself as a lonely person. No matter how bad you feel, loneliness will lessen or disappear when you focus attention and energy on needs you can currently meet and when you learn to develop new ways to meet your other needs. Don't wait for your feelings to get you going--get going and good feelings will eventually catch up with you.

    Loneliness and the College Student
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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