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Thread: Hi :)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    33
    Posts
    789

    Hi :)

    (Just a trigger warning in case anyone is upset by mention of abuse)

    Hi everyone,

    My name is Meg, and I'm a 21 year old psych student from Australia. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. The perpetrator was my first boyfriend, which makes for a confusing situation because it was someone who I had willingly started going out with, not someone with whom a relationship was inappropriate. It started when I was 16 and a half and I did not have the courage to break away from him until I was 18. I know that the things he did to me so often were sexual assualt, I've read the law and he didn't even deny it when I confronted him, but I still question myself constantly and I find that so frustrating. It just seems bizarre to me that someone could get trapped in an abusive relationship at so young an age. I get angrier with myself than I ever have been at him and that doesn't seem to make much sense.

    During and for a while after the abuse I struggled with depression, an eating disorder, and self-injury. I should have seen someone about it really, but at the time I just wanted to be left alone and wasn't interested. However, after about 10 months of 'freedom' I was doing really well and kept this up for another two years. In that time I changed my major from chemistry to psychology (strange change eh?) and decided I wanted to do psych postgrad work and work with people who have experienced abuse. I worked really hard, completed my undergrad science degree and now I'm two months away of graduating again with honours.

    Slight problem: things have been going downhill again since May. I've gone from being hard-working and cheerful to wavering around between anxiety and depression. I've been having flashbacks, nightmares, I hate being touched, I feel emotionally numb and I can't concentrate on my work any more. I've been very triggered by a few things and I feel like I'm right back where I started out. I don't like being this person. In the three and a half years from the end of the abuse until May this year, I had only told one person about it. Now 9 people know and I started counselling about a month ago. Everything seems really really confused and difficult. I have no idea what I should be doing with my life.

    Anyway, that's my little story. Thanks for reading if you made it through all that!

    Meg :)
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." - Carl Jung

  2. #2

    Hi :)

    Welcome to this community, Meglet. I'm happy to hear that you've started therapy. It will help you cope with your experiences and it will probably help you more than you know in your future work.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    33
    Posts
    789

    Hi :)

    Thankyou :)
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." - Carl Jung

  4. #4

    Hi :)

    Wlecome, Meglet. There are a number of posters here who have had similar experiences to your own. I'm sure you'll find help and support amongst our members. We're really very glad you're here, and I'm happy to hear you're in therapy. You're taking all the right steps to a better life, hon. :o)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    33
    Posts
    789

    Hi :)

    Thanks for your reply :)

    Therapy has been a good step, you're right, it's hard to do it when you don't have much support though. Nobody in my family knows that I was abused. It's so nice to find a community where such things are discussed without having to worry about what people will think! Thankyou all, it means a lot!

    Meg
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." - Carl Jung

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