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Thread: One liners

  1. #11
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  2. #12
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    Re: One liners

    "I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.”

    “I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.”

    “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”

    “I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.”

    - Phyllis Diller

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  4. #14
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    Re: One liners

    Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

    It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.

    Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

    ~ Andy Rooney

  6. #16
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    Re: One liners

    "Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future."

    -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)


    "The future, like everything else, is no longer quite what it used to be."

    -- Paul Valéry (1871-1945)

  7. #17
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    Re: One liners

    "TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically."

    "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

    "Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious."

    -- unknown

  8. #18
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    Re: One liners

    "With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too."

    "The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it."

    "My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already."

    -- unknown

  9. #19
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    Re: One liners

    "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

    ~ Dave Barry

  10. #20
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    Re: One liners

    "The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one."

    Erma Bombeck

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