Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Ottawa, ON
    Posts
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Looking for a way to cope

    Hello all,

    I joined this forum as a means to help me cope with some feelings surrounding the diagnosis of my mother having Dissociative Identity Disorder and some of the consequences that accompanied it.

    My mother was diagnosed six years ago and has been in psychotherapy during such time working towards integration. The journey has been difficult for the entire family. Because of her lack of parenting skills and access to community mental health resources, I have endured a childhood ridden with abuse; physical, mental, and emotional. My mother has numerous personalities that are frequently taking control. As a young child I was constantly on guard, wondering when her next big blow out would occur. On top of having D.I.D., my mother suffers from significant bouts of depression and anxiety. Her high anxiety levels make her feel as though she cannot take medication out of fear that someone may try to poison her or she will lose control of her body. Any medications or treatment she had been prescribed sat in the medicine cabinet rotting passed their expiry date for years on end.

    I don't know where to start to describe the roller coaster of emotions it has been living with a parent who had untreated D.I.D., depression, and anxiety. I understand that each case is individual, and that it isn't necessarily the mental illness that fostered the abusive tendencies; however, I feel that if she had received the treatment necessary a lot of that abuse could have been prevented.

    One of the most difficult pieces in all of this is the fact that I cannot come to terms with the abuse that I experienced. I have tried talking to my mother about it and asking her to accept responsibility for her actions but she has a hard time with this; I understand that she may have a difficult time connecting with the events. I have educated myself quite thoroughly on her disorder so that I can understand. Yet, I still cannot make peace without seeing her make an effort.

    At 25 years old, I'm pregnant with my first child...and it has been increasingly difficult for me to maintain any stable and healthy relationship with my mother. She continues to repeat old patterns of control and abuse. It pains me deeply to distance myself from her because I want to support her and see her do well...at the same time, I don't want to risk my child's mental health and well being. I have yet to see any visible progress of her treatment and am beginning to lose hope that she will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with her children and grandchildren.

    I suppose this is my way of coping with all of the issues surrounding her mental illness. As well as my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I hope to find some solace...

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Krystal
    Child and Youth Worker, Ottawa ON

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Regina, Saskatchewan
    Posts
    2,027
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Looking for a way to cope

    Other than being pregnant with a child, I can see a bit of where you are coming from. My mom has issues that she won't change either. I have given up expecting her to take responsibility for what she has done to me (and my siblings). I asked her to seek help, but she is incapable of seeing that she has a problem and therefore is not receiving help and doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour which has caused me to stop talking to her. She thinks it's everyone else that has the problem and no one understands her and everyone else is horrible to her. She can only point the blame outward to everything outside of her and project her weaknesses onto everyone else.

    I don't expect everyone to do what I did, and it took me a long time and careful consideration, and a certain amount of spine that I had to find in myself before I could do it. It was really hard and I still grieve once in a while. But it was necessary to keep myself safe and poison-free.... And I could totally sympathize with someone who had to do the same thing to protect themselves and protect their family.
    (Formerly JollyGreenJellyBean)

    My dog is a human whisperer.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    8,978
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Looking for a way to cope

    Hello Krystal,

    I don't want to risk my child's mental health and well being
    Is living on your own an option? Where is/are you child(ren) during the day when you are at work?

    Is your own life and overall health stable at this time?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    scotland
    Posts
    265
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Looking for a way to cope

    I was about your age when I started to feel like this and funnily enough pregnant.

    It is natural to question your parent's parenting when you become a mother,also to fret about their relationship with your child even more so when it is an abusive relationship.

    I had to give up eventually and walk away for the safety of my children. The one thing about being a parent it made me resolute that my kids would never feel how I did, your child will make you think and chose ways of being that you would never have chosen for yourself and for me it has been a life saver as I would have killed myself without my children coming along when they did.

    Your plight is not an easy one and looking at the date of your post I am assuming you are now a mum and I hope it is as happy an experience for you as it has been for me. My children made a very confusing painful world all shiny and purposeful.
    Last edited by W00BY; September 17th, 2012 at 05:30 PM. Reason: typo

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Disclaimer: PsychLinks is not responsible for the content of posts or comments by forum members.

Additional Forum Web Design by PsychLinks
© All rights reserved.