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Thread: all bottled up

  1. #1
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    all bottled up

    Hey,

    Just wondered if anyone knows any good ways to release bottled up anger. the reason is lately ive become increasingly more angry and the other day i just snapped when someone hit me and more or less beat the **** outta them. i just don't like the way i act when i explode like that because im so different and i lose control of myself, i usually bottle everything up but latekly ive become more prone to exploding

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    all bottled up

    That's not a simple question or one that can be answered in 25 words or less. It could be the result of many things, including increased stress or anxiety/worry, depression, sleep disruption or deprivation, physical illness, increased drinking or drug use, etc., etc.

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    all bottled up

    That's a huge problem of mine too... an ongoing problem.

    At one point I was advised to do kickboxing, or karate or any sport. S1 once said slamming doors shut is also better than bottling it all up. But I haven't found that any of it has solved the problem, or even helped release much tension really. Maybe a little tension gets released but nowhere near enough.

    The best thing, I think, the thing which would be the most long-term and useful, would be to learn to confront issues and try and deal with them, rather than ignore them, pretend they don't exist, and think they'll go away by themselves. and the key is to try and deal with them before they get to huge blown-up problems, so you're tackling only a medium sized problem before it gets too big.
    Which is of course more easily said than done.

    For me it's practically impossible since I've trained myself to just tune out of my feelings. I was always so proud be to the unfazed "nothing-troubles-me" type, the "I'm-easy-going-and-not-petty" type... and that's so far from the truth. I'm really the hyper-sensitve and emotionally-unbalanced, codependant type... So... yeah. It's hard. And I still fall into the same patterns most of the time... not bothering to mention the thing that bothers me, while the problem gets bigger and bigger till it's TOTALLY DRIVING ME CRAZY AND MAKING ME WANNA STRANGLE SOMEONE!!!! and by that time I'm just an erupting volcano.

    <sigh.>

    and for sure being sleep deprived only makes my temper and tolerance levels worse

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    all bottled up

    I am sure you have heard this one before but it is so important to consider when dealing with anger and aggressiveness. Anger is a secondary emotion. There are primary emotions such as frustration when go unchecked can result in becoming angry...and then being angry is not the behavior but instead the behaviors follow the anger. A good plan in changing how one reacts is to understand the triggering situations and attempting to defuse them. Anger can also be used as a means of keeping others at a distance especially when a person feels vulnerable to others or have experienced negativity in relationships in the past.

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    all bottled up

    It's my feeling that some therapy and a course in anger management could be invaluable to you, hon. That would be my approach.

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    all bottled up

    Thank you for your replies ComfortZone and ThatLady. I'm really touched at your genuine will to help. (I especially like the 'hon' part! No-one's called me that before! <sniff!> Can I adopt you ThatLady to be the mother I should have had?!?!)

    Re the therapy, there are so many things that I need therapy for at this point, I don't know if that's the thing I should be focusing on.

    My life is full of so many issues, all of them complex. I feel totally overwhelmed by all my problems. Anger is only one of them. My current story in a nutshell:
    I am a highly complicated, intelligent, messed-up and very-good-at-fooling-myself person. Nothing in my life is simple. I seem to have issues with every close person I've come into contact with. (besides one sibling that miraculously I get on with, and 2 very good friends. - they're the only ones who make me feel like I am normal after all.) I'm very good at fooling the world, and have loads of superficial friends who have no idea of what's going inside me. They think I'm the happiest girl alive. ( I hope.) ( I know that's the general impression I try to give.)

    <Admin edit: certain personal details deleted at request of member>

    What you said comfortzone is very very true: I hate to admit it, it really hurts to say it, but I am highly vulnerable. And that COULD be contributing to a lot of my anger. But I'd say a good 50% at least, of the anger is not really connected to that, but to what's actually going on.

    <Admin edit: certain personal details deleted at request of member>

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    all bottled up

    The more issues that present themselves, the more therapy is needed. The more complex the issues, the more complex the need for therapy. Having a lot of complex issues only emphasizes the need to get professional help. Most people go through a therapist or several before finding the one that's right for them. It takes patience and committment.

    As to resisting medication, that's something a lot of us do. We can find a million reasons why it's a good idea NOT to take medication. Most of them are simply us fooling ourselves (as you admitted you're pretty good at ;-) ). There's not a medication in the world that doesn't have side-effects, yet few people resist taking an aspirin for a headache or insulin for diabetes. Why, then, are we so quick to resist taking medications for illnesses that effect our emotional health? It's a question we can all ask ourselves.

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    all bottled up

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatLady
    As to resisting medication, that's something a lot of us do. We can find a million reasons why it's a good idea NOT to take medication. Most of them are simply us fooling ourselves (as you admitted you're pretty good at ;-) ). There's not a medication in the world that doesn't have side-effects, yet few people resist taking an aspirin for a headache or insulin for diabetes. Why, then, are we so quick to resist taking medications for illnesses that effect our emotional health?
    Very well said.

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    all bottled up

    ThatLady, I'm actually one of those few who prefer to suffer a headache than take an aspirin. Call me a sadist. I dunno, if there's pain, I wanna know about it. Pain is normally a warning to something, so I feel like I should know about it.
    Or maybe I'm just a total control freak.
    Who knows.

    Thank you again for your response.
    I guess that means I have a lifetime of therapy ahead of me, based on how messed up I am.

    How thrilling.

    Sorry, not in a positive mood today.

    About medication, I feel that with all these psychological advances with remedies to everything... just that it's all still quite new. A bit like corrective surgery for eyes, you know, the laser surgery some people have had. Who knows what happens 25 years down the line..?!
    It's not a tried and tested, universally accepted kind of thing that's withstood the test of time, that could be comparable to aspirin or insulin.

    That's my feeling about it.
    Am I wrong?

    Would you take medication with who-knows-what side effects, if you needed it?
    But if you would that doesn't help, the question is would you if you were a control freak. If you were in my shoes would you.
    Which is a really stupid question.
    I think I'll leave...

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    all bottled up

    and besides my crazy opinion on medicine...

    There's definitely a very strong part of me that wants security. Now I'm in a rut. At least I know where I am and what it's like. I'm safe in my rut.

    If I were to take medication, and it worked, and I started feeling better, what would life be like...? How would I cope?

    I'm familiar with sleeping through the days (figuratively speaking), feeling constantly tired and unmotivated. It's comfortable.

    How will I manage with the disappointments of life without my depression - if this is what it is - cushioning me and stopping me from raising my expectations...? One thing I notice for sure, things are much more kind of blurry these days and it's easier for a hyper sensitive and hyper aware person like me. I just let a lot of things wash over me. Can't be bothered for it.

    But if everything will be sharp and crystal clear I'll be that much more aware, and it'll be that much more direct and.. painful.

    Maybe better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

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