I want to know if I am doing the right thing really. Although I don't really know where to start.
My parents divorced when I was quite young, and I lived with my mum until I was 18. I have always loved her and idolized her to bits and yet our personalities always clashed.
As an adult (although, I find that hard to believe sometimes, 22) I understand her problems, and she does have them. Coming from her side of the family are stories only fit for 'Bold and the Beautiful' at its worst.
Being told she was ugly and worthless made her promise to herself that she would not turn out to be that kind of parent. So why did she? I spent my teen years racked with guilt, and don't get the wrong idea, I was a very difficult child and teenager, and still feel it hard to let that guilt go.
But now I am in a different country, and have been since I left her home. I've grown up as a person, I've come so far from the emotional wreck that I used to be with her. I'm happy, I'm engaged, I'm studying, and its been nice like this for ages. I feel accepted and loved and likeable.
When I visited her this Christmas, I told myself that I would be every-thing she wanted me to be. The perfect guest, and I quickly realized the hold that she had over me. She doesn't know that she holds this power, and I still believe that she is not evil. She just has her problems, but I am at the stage where I am thinking that in order to be happy I need to 'sever' ties with her. At least until I am stronger, or she takes some responsibility in her life.
Obviously, as with all these posts, I imagine, this is a deeply glossed over view of things. I have tried to sort things out so many times, I can't keep banging my head on the same brick wall. She has the power to emotionaly cripple me with one email, and she doesn't even know it. I have already told her my feelings about wanting to stop contact, but she is so emotionally unstable that I worry about stupid things like her hurting herself because of this.
I am trying to be strong... it sounds self inflicted, I know. I really believe that it is the best thing.