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  1. #1

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    My name is jodi. I was raped last Dec. 19th. This is the longest year of my life. I have experienced so much, both good and bad. I have come so far yet, often feel weighed down with emptiness, guilt, shame and anger. I find these feeling sometimes suffocating. Others days I feel happy. I then acknowledge that I am. One year of what I consider to be the longest rollercoaster ride I've ever encountered. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is what I have been diagnosed with and I still don't understand what that means. Been told but somehow have a hard time seeing it in me. Although I know something's not right. Today is a good day. That's just a little summary of me so far. Ask questions please.

  2. #2

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    Hi I am sorry to hear about it, I was raped last december as well but it was the 24th for me I have been diagnosed with depression but I had it really before that happened and the psychologist thinks PTSD as well (really long story), I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

    I am so so sorry that this happened to you and I am so sorry that you are feeling so crap a lot of the time, I really hope that over time you stabalise and get better.

    ((((SAFE HUGS)))) only if ok.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2005

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    Hi Jodi,
    I'm just wondering a bit about the fact you say you have a hard time seeing elements of PTSD in yourself. As you've been diagnosed, it seems that someone with some understanding of the disorder (hopefully a good one!) thought you 'fitted', so I wonder about the quality of their explanation. Have you looked at the diagnostic criteria at all? If you haven't, maybe that would be an idea. The criteria, and a bit of an explanation, can be found here ---> (there's an ad at the start you have to wait a few seconds for).

    Take care hun, I hope tomorrow is a good day too :)
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." - Carl Jung

  4. #4

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    I have been diagnosed by three people. My Doctor, a Therapist and a Counselor advisor. I think what i mean is, i know i have my moments when i feel ptsd. I just dont always have a reason to my reactions. Does that make sense? I feel detached from my incident often enough that i try to think my reactions to things are normal. Their not, i just dont want to always believe i truly have this. I feel it leaves me vulnurable and weak and that in its self is hard enough. From emotional outburst to bouts of depression. I wish there was a common ground. I ither feel it all painfully or i feel nothing. Im just confused. thankyou for the reply. It gave me some things to think about.

  5. #5

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    PTSD is a disorder that makes you go from being ok to not being ok.

    I understand your confusion.

    Are you seeing a Therapist now? I know you have in the past but now? If so talk to them about your confusion. It is also great to look stuff up on the web, but of course making sure they are reputable sites.


  6. #6

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    Thank you heather for your reply. Isnt crazy that one day you feel fine(it never happened)the next day your world crumbles. How many times do we have to keep picking it up. I try not tofeel sorry for myself, I learned alot in the last year and have had significant things happen for me. Just sometimes all I can do is allow my heart to keep breaking. Sometimes I experience that cry that you feel you cant recover from. Maybe you have had it. Remember when you were little and you missed your mom. Its that deep cry, (the one where you feel all alone and afraid.) It hurts so deeply, a heavy cloak! I havent found myself completely but know I will one day. Tell me more about you. As long as your comfortable.

  7. #7

    Criminal sexual assault survivor

    Um more about me -- I dunno what you want to know I am not the most exciting person!

    Basically I am a survivor of childhood abuse and adult rape. I call myself a survivor because even though it really affects my life I am getting on with my life and finally realising that what happened to me wasn't my fault. I am doing a university degree right now.

    However having said that I have depression and am on medication, I have also been told that I have PTSD because of the nightmares and reactions I have, however I am going to a doctor and counsellor regularly for this.

    That is me in a nut shell, so as you can see, while none of us can know what the other is going through I can empathise and understand to a point.


    P.S. I totally understand the feeling fine one day and the next your world crumbles and I understand that pain and that cry too well!

    P.P.S. You will find yourself totally one day, it takes a while and I am still getting there.

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