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  1. #1

    Desperate for friends

    Sorry if this isn't the right forum...somethings tells me there is no right forum for this, but i reckon this is as close as I'll get.

    Ok, well...I read a lot of the information on these forums, mainly because I've learnt a lot about my own condition (bi-polar depression), and also, because I consider myself a bit of an amature Pyschologist!! :D Unfortunalty, I can only ever seem to be able to solve other peoples problems...but none of my own.

    Lately, I've been trying to put my life back together...I was diagnosed about 6 months ago, after years of taking the wrong tablets, and living in such a deep dark place, it's difficult to even think about, but i've become a bit of a recluse over the last few years...lost all my friends...I hardly ever go out...the only people I ever talk to are my family as I still live at home...

    Since I've been treated I'm improving somewhat, and while I still dip in and out of action, and life, my focus is completely off, somehow, I've managed to land a job.

    Hopefully on Monday, I'll be starting that job...which is great, but also a worst nightmare job if you can understand that.
    It's decent pay, considering im a college drop out, and on a good career ladder, but it's in sales!! :)

    hehe, so this means i'll have to be mr.confident, sell! sell! sell! ... I can usually put on a front, but it's a very fragile front, and i'm pretty tough on myself, pretty uptight guy...I wish I just didn't care about what people think, or if I mess up, like the way it used to be...but I can't help it. I know if I start screwing things up I'll fall to pieces!
    Are there any mental tricks to over come this?

    I'm also extemely worried about my socail and love life...

    You see, I used to be very sucsessfull in my social life, plenty of girlfriends, loads of friends etc. up untill about 17 (I'm 22 now btw), I couldn't have been happier...I had the perfect life...but when my life fell apart, my ability to judge social situations seemed to fizzle out, I withdrew into myself...began a mild drug abuse habbit...binge drinking in the city once every week or two...sometimes with a couple of troubled buddys...sometimes on my own...for 5 years, I've been detacthed from the world, and im only coming back into it now, and while im recovering in most aspects of my life, the confidence around people is still a massive issue. Will I ever have friends again? Will I ever be able to be as smart and funny as I once was before? How will I ever meets girls with no friends, and the problems I have?
    I no longer abuse any drugs...I've given up smoking...I still occasionally drink in an attempt to meet people in bars...but usually just end up getting drunk on my own....what a loser right?

    Will my life ever be the same again..will I ever be normal?? Am I gonna be that guy that lives alone, with no money, alone, has pretty crappy life...has let himself go...and just drifts in a daze from day to day...waiting to get old and die??

    I'm at the peak of my life!! I'm waisting the best days!! I'll never get these back!! Why cant I snap out of it!?!? Enjoy it!! Even if I could just accept having no frineds and go out and enjoymyself..that would be enough...but im to hung up on what I need!! I've destroyed my life.

    There's so much crap going on around the world..Im one of the luckiest guys in it, you know?!! In the lottery of life I drew the ace card!! The best in the deck, the winning numbers...I got western world, rich, neuatral nation (Ireland), great health carem great social welfare if I need it, passport that will bring me anywhere in the world...And I'm misserable!! Why can't I enjoy this gift??

    Yet I tell myself - It sometimes seems so daunting when you have nothing, to try and build it all back up...i suppose the only people who ever make it out of my positions are the ones who can just put there head down and work their way through it...the first few steps are the hardest, right? Well I've tried those first few steps...and im sick of failure...

    I'm sorry this is such a mess...It's like you opend up my head, and these are the thoughts that randomly fell on to the page..in no particular order...It's a mess though isn't it?...my mind is a mess.

    If you've spent all the time to read down to here...you must be having a really boring day!! :) But I thank you...I dont know if im looking for answers...someone to lend an ear...some advice...or just some comforting words...im just looking for something...anything.

    Maybe assess me...am i on the brink of sanity? I don't know how much more of this "Being alone" I can take!!

    Help?

  2. #2

    Desperate for friends

    Sorry if this isn't the right forum...somethings tells me there is no right forum for this, but i reckon this is as close as I'll get.

    Ok, well...I read a lot of the information on these forums, mainly because I've learnt a lot about my own condition (bi-polar depression), and also, because I consider myself a bit of an amature Pyschologist!! :D Unfortunalty, I can only ever seem to be able to solve other peoples problems...but none of my own.

    Lately, I've been trying to put my life back together...I was diagnosed about 6 months ago, after years of taking the wrong tablets, and living in such a deep dark place, it's difficult to even think about, but i've become a bit of a recluse over the last few years...lost all my friends...I hardly ever go out...the only people I ever talk to are my family as I still live at home...

    Since I've been treated I'm improving somewhat, and while I still dip in and out of action, and life, my focus is completely off, somehow, I've managed to land a job.

    Hopefully on Monday, I'll be starting that job...which is great, but also a worst nightmare job if you can understand that.
    It's decent pay, considering im a college drop out, and on a good career ladder, but it's in sales!! :)

    hehe, so this means i'll have to be mr.confident, sell! sell! sell! ... I can usually put on a front, but it's a very fragile front, and i'm pretty tough on myself, pretty uptight guy...I wish I just didn't care about what people think, or if I mess up, like the way it used to be...but I can't help it. I know if I start screwing things up I'll fall to pieces!
    Are there any mental tricks to over come this?

    I'm also extemely worried about my socail and love life...

    You see, I used to be very sucsessfull in my social life, plenty of girlfriends, loads of friends etc. up untill about 17 (I'm 22 now btw), I couldn't have been happier...I had the perfect life...but when my life fell apart, my ability to judge social situations seemed to fizzle out, I withdrew into myself...began a mild drug abuse habbit...binge drinking in the city once every week or two...sometimes with a couple of troubled buddys...sometimes on my own...for 5 years, I've been detacthed from the world, and im only coming back into it now, and while im recovering in most aspects of my life, the confidence around people is still a massive issue. Will I ever have friends again? Will I ever be able to be as smart and funny as I once was before? How will I ever meets girls with no friends, and the problems I have?
    I no longer abuse any drugs...I've given up smoking...I still occasionally drink in an attempt to meet people in bars...but usually just end up getting drunk on my own....what a loser right?

    Will my life ever be the same again..will I ever be normal?? Am I gonna be that guy that lives alone, with no money, alone, has pretty crappy life...has let himself go...and just drifts in a daze from day to day...waiting to get old and die??

    I'm at the peak of my life!! I'm waisting the best days!! I'll never get these back!! Why cant I snap out of it!?!? Enjoy it!! Even if I could just accept having no frineds and go out and enjoymyself..that would be enough...but im to hung up on what I need!! I've destroyed my life.

    There's so much crap going on around the world..Im one of the luckiest guys in it, you know?!! In the lottery of life I drew the ace card!! The best in the deck, the winning numbers...I got western world, rich, neuatral nation (Ireland), great health carem great social welfare if I need it, passport that will bring me anywhere in the world...And I'm misserable!! Why can't I enjoy this gift??

    Yet I tell myself - It sometimes seems so daunting when you have nothing, to try and build it all back up...i suppose the only people who ever make it out of my positions are the ones who can just put there head down and work their way through it...the first few steps are the hardest, right? Well I've tried those first few steps...and im sick of failure...

    I'm sorry this is such a mess...It's like you opend up my head, and these are the thoughts that randomly fell on to the page..in no particular order...It's a mess though isn't it?...my mind is a mess.

    If you've spent all the time to read down to here...you must be having a really boring day!! :) But I thank you...I dont know if im looking for answers...someone to lend an ear...some advice...or just some comforting words...im just looking for something...anything.

    Maybe assess me...am i on the brink of sanity? I don't know how much more of this "Being alone" I can take!!

    Help?

  3. #3

    Desperate for friends

    hi Psyched. no, I'm not having a boring day, actually I am trying to study for midterms while managing being sick. wondeful. but I read your post and it reminded me A LOT of someone close to me. so considering your post was long, mine might as well be too! :)

    ok, doesn't matter if this is the right forum or not. you mentioned bipolar, relationships, friendships, work, stress, substance abuse etc,... so this could go under a lot of forums. point is, you made it here!

    I think w/ a disorder like Bipolar the best thing you could possibly do and have done is to learn as much as you can about it. Bipolar isn't as easilu understood as say, depression (not that this is less of a complex disorder though). And feeling like you can only ever solve other people's problems shows you have empathy and objectivity but have to work on your own self-reflection and self- awareness. the biggest thing though is not to get completely caught up in other people's problems, especially w/ bipolar. you need to focus on yourself and have relationships based on reciprocal caring. also, know that you are not the only one who has had to deal w/ being put on the wrong meds or trying to find the one that works best for you, which can be a long and frustrating process, but in the end it will help you soso much. no ilness (mental or physical) can only ever be fixed w/ one kind of treatment, it's the same w/ bipolar.

    you said you've just been diagnosed 6 months ago. that's an end to not knowing what's wrong and a new beginning to be able to learn how to manage your symptoms and condition. In terms of your focus, maybe try exploring areas you haven't in the past or those that you have but then forgot about again. do what makes YOU happy. congrats on landing a job! take it as an indication that you are able to get through life and follow your dreams and goals. it's a start, right? sometimes being thrown into a scary situation (as sales might be for you) helps to get you past those fears but on the other hand if something is bound to increase your anxiety and make you feel depressed, it's not worth it. you need to set yourself some limits and figure out what is ok and what is not for your own sake. the more you learn about yourself the more you will be able to make decisions that will reflect your needs and be happy.

    just b/c you have had struggles and are still living at home (which btw is nothing wrong w/) does not mean you can't have a social/ love life. especially if you seem like the kind of person who is very social or at least used to be. it's difficult to keep all friendships when dealing w/ issues, but you are at a point now where you can take life for what it is and try to seize each day. don't live in your past. live in your present and for the future. you will have friends again and you may even have some right now without actually realizing it. you as a person have no changed, therefore characteristics like being smart and funny are not lost, just b/c now you know you have BP or are on meds... some meds may make you feel differently about things, but you still exist as a person like you did before. again, explore your interests, if you can't think of anything, start w/ anything that you can find- you have nothing to lose. if you think you're at a bad place now w/ relationships, then you have nothing to lose, right??? friendships will develop w/ time, but it takes initiative. use your experiences and what you have learned (about yourself and about life) to foster those friendships (no, this does not mean you have to open up about your BP to everyone... you can do this w/out doing so). you have not waisted your life, you're only 22- you have your entire life ahead of you. it's a good thing figuring out what you need, not a bad thing.

    you've accomplished so much! you've stopped drugs, smoking, only occasionally drink (be aware of the effect of alcohol on BP though and on your meds!)... btw, drinking and going to bars are not necessarly the best way to meet genuine people... you're not a loser. will you ever be "normal"? normal doesn't exist as the same thing for everyone else. you need to find a balance in your life and figure out what makes you happy and what drives you and how you can get there. that will be normal for you, along w/ managing your BP. take all the good things that you have in life and try to use them to your advantage... you do have things, and so it's not really a matter of building it all back up but of trying to figure out where each piece belongs and which ones are missing (kinda like a puzzle).

    I can imagine things are difficult, and I have seen it w/ people. But I have also seen people succeed, and people can overcome hurdels, so if BP is yours, then you need to figure out how to live with your BP and not as BP. it's an ongoing process, but even if you fail w/ the first few steps, keep going.... every tunnel has a light at its end.

  4. #4

    Desperate for friends

    hi Psyched. no, I'm not having a boring day, actually I am trying to study for midterms while managing being sick. wondeful. but I read your post and it reminded me A LOT of someone close to me. so considering your post was long, mine might as well be too! :)

    ok, doesn't matter if this is the right forum or not. you mentioned bipolar, relationships, friendships, work, stress, substance abuse etc,... so this could go under a lot of forums. point is, you made it here!

    I think w/ a disorder like Bipolar the best thing you could possibly do and have done is to learn as much as you can about it. Bipolar isn't as easilu understood as say, depression (not that this is less of a complex disorder though). And feeling like you can only ever solve other people's problems shows you have empathy and objectivity but have to work on your own self-reflection and self- awareness. the biggest thing though is not to get completely caught up in other people's problems, especially w/ bipolar. you need to focus on yourself and have relationships based on reciprocal caring. also, know that you are not the only one who has had to deal w/ being put on the wrong meds or trying to find the one that works best for you, which can be a long and frustrating process, but in the end it will help you soso much. no ilness (mental or physical) can only ever be fixed w/ one kind of treatment, it's the same w/ bipolar.

    you said you've just been diagnosed 6 months ago. that's an end to not knowing what's wrong and a new beginning to be able to learn how to manage your symptoms and condition. In terms of your focus, maybe try exploring areas you haven't in the past or those that you have but then forgot about again. do what makes YOU happy. congrats on landing a job! take it as an indication that you are able to get through life and follow your dreams and goals. it's a start, right? sometimes being thrown into a scary situation (as sales might be for you) helps to get you past those fears but on the other hand if something is bound to increase your anxiety and make you feel depressed, it's not worth it. you need to set yourself some limits and figure out what is ok and what is not for your own sake. the more you learn about yourself the more you will be able to make decisions that will reflect your needs and be happy.

    just b/c you have had struggles and are still living at home (which btw is nothing wrong w/) does not mean you can't have a social/ love life. especially if you seem like the kind of person who is very social or at least used to be. it's difficult to keep all friendships when dealing w/ issues, but you are at a point now where you can take life for what it is and try to seize each day. don't live in your past. live in your present and for the future. you will have friends again and you may even have some right now without actually realizing it. you as a person have no changed, therefore characteristics like being smart and funny are not lost, just b/c now you know you have BP or are on meds... some meds may make you feel differently about things, but you still exist as a person like you did before. again, explore your interests, if you can't think of anything, start w/ anything that you can find- you have nothing to lose. if you think you're at a bad place now w/ relationships, then you have nothing to lose, right??? friendships will develop w/ time, but it takes initiative. use your experiences and what you have learned (about yourself and about life) to foster those friendships (no, this does not mean you have to open up about your BP to everyone... you can do this w/out doing so). you have not waisted your life, you're only 22- you have your entire life ahead of you. it's a good thing figuring out what you need, not a bad thing.

    you've accomplished so much! you've stopped drugs, smoking, only occasionally drink (be aware of the effect of alcohol on BP though and on your meds!)... btw, drinking and going to bars are not necessarly the best way to meet genuine people... you're not a loser. will you ever be "normal"? normal doesn't exist as the same thing for everyone else. you need to find a balance in your life and figure out what makes you happy and what drives you and how you can get there. that will be normal for you, along w/ managing your BP. take all the good things that you have in life and try to use them to your advantage... you do have things, and so it's not really a matter of building it all back up but of trying to figure out where each piece belongs and which ones are missing (kinda like a puzzle).

    I can imagine things are difficult, and I have seen it w/ people. But I have also seen people succeed, and people can overcome hurdels, so if BP is yours, then you need to figure out how to live with your BP and not as BP. it's an ongoing process, but even if you fail w/ the first few steps, keep going.... every tunnel has a light at its end.

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