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Thread: Please help me

  1. #1

    Please help me

    I grew up in a family where my dad was emotionally and at times physically abusive to me. My mother acted exactly the way her mother did with her abusive dad: silently stood back and watched. After finally settling into my college for a year, I contracted mono very badly the fall semester, sophomore year after midterms. I had to go home, and I was extremely sick in bed for months. When I finally got better, I started taking courses from a local community college and working full-time as well. By chance, fate, whatever- I met the greatest man I have ever known. If I had written down my list of the qualities of a perfect guy, he had them all. Encouraging, understanding, a great listener, same undeniably dorky sense of humor, would do absolutely anything on earth to show his love for me. We had been dating quite awhile, when one day, my dad was infuriated like always and chased me around our house. I barely escaped by getting into my room and locking the door. He punched a hole in the door and kept trying to get in. I was scared to death, and called my boyfriend, sobbing, who lived one state away. He immediately replied "You HAVE to get out of that situation." I knew he was right. This had been going on for too long, and it was getting worse. He rented a U-Haul, came up, and rescued me. He let me stay in his apartment, and helped me look everyday for a job and an apartment. I found both. I was so relieved to have a best friend who loved me that much. I've been living here for about 4 months now. One month ago, I lost my full-time job. My employer didn't even give me a reason for firing me. I was shocked; I've never been fired at any job before. I was incredibly stressed about bills and everything, but my boyfriend insisted I would be okay, and offered to pay for all of my bills until I was able to get a job again. I applied for a school in NYC to go to in the spring. I never planned on going, because of lack of money. My boyfriend found out I was accepted there, and was so excited for me. He told me that I didn't need to worry; he would get me to school. I felt so incredibly blessed. Even though my life had seemed like it was going nowhere, I now had a future to look forward to, and I had the greatest friend that anyone could have ever asked for. Every single day for the past month, I have looked for a job, and haven't been able to land one. Then, three days ago, my boyfriend ended our relationship, completely out of the blue. He said he just didn't think we were perfect for each other, and that he cares about me a ton, but can't stay with me anymore. He told me not to ever call him or come see him, because it would make things worse. Now, I have no job to pay for all of the bills that are piling up. I have no friend to talk to, no one to listen to me. I do not know anyone in this city besides him, since I had been so busy with my full-time job, full-course load online, and him. My parents didn't care when I called them, upset. They just yelled at me for obviously being the worst girlfriend in the world, since he broke up with me. They told me I didn't know how to love, and that no one would ever love me or stay with me. I have been crying day and night. I can no longer go to my school. I have to write them and tell them that I won't be there in January, even though I have already sent in deposits. I feel so betrayed. I just lie in bed and want to die. No one is here for me. No one calls me, and no one answers their phone when I call. Or, they are too busy to talk. I feel completely and utterly alone. I just want to die. I don't understand why this has happened to me, why he left. Why I have no job. Why my parents hate me. Why I have no friends. Why God seems to have disappeared. I had always thought that, even if he broke up with me, he would continue to be there for me and be my friend. I just cannot believe that even though he knows I have absolutely no one to talk to, he refuses to be the one friend. Women have his intuition thing, and I had always felt with my entire heart that he was the one I would spend my life with. I was not being naive, because I have had long-term relationships with guys I truly enjoyed, but this was different. In the past, when I have gotten an intuition about something, I have not once been wrong. I never thought this would happen; it just seems impossible. I don't even care about school as much, or well-paying jobs. . .I just want my friend back.
    But right now, I need anything. Any hope. I feel dead inside.

  2. #2

    Please help me

    awww,hun, I'm so sorry all of that is happening to you. I wish I had all the answers or knew a sure way to help, but I can only try to send you some hope and maybe a few ideas... the situation w/ your family sounds very messed up- sadly, w/ people like that things usually tend not to change... and yes, your ex-bf was right, you had to get out of that situation. It's not healthy; emotionally, physically, mentally... two of my really good friends had mono as well, it's very difficult to do anything while you have it and to get your life back together afterwads, so I totally understand what that's like. If it's any consolidation, they did make it through it and they're building up their lives again. One of them said that if she had only known to take things a little slower and give herself a break once in a while then maybe her mono wouldn't have been nearly as bad.

    You said you moved 4 months ago and 1 month ago your employer fired you. So was that w/in the 1st 3 months? As far as I know (at least here) it's "easier" to fire someone w/in the first 3 months (kind of like a test period) but any time after that they have to give you a good enough reason...if it was after those 3 months, I think you should have a right to find out what happened. As desperate as things seem now, you made it through then so try to keep that in mind... there's lots of jobs out there, it's just difficult to find one that actually means something to you and pays reasonably well. Don't give up, though. If you have to take on a job that isn't your dream one, do it for now and keep looking, just to be able to pay bills. Could you get some social assistance?? Maybe take out a loan? I don't know why you can't find a job right now, but sometimes it's simple things like the way your resume looks etc... maybe try checking out some workshops to learn job prep. skills at a community centre, college campus etc. They might also have a careers centre on campus which usually has a lot of info for jobs etc.

    In terms of the school in NYC; could you contact them and explain your situation (financially) and tell them that you intent to go there and you've already send deposits but need some extra time or help from them? Often, schools have programs set up to deal w/ financial difficulties, especially if they are not foreseen. It's worth a try, right? Then you'd have something to look forward to and work towards. Where are you living right now? In the apartment you had w/ your ex-b/f? Could you try finding a roommate to split costs? Or relocate to a smaller, cheaper place? Things must be really overwhelming right now, especially if you feel like you have no social support, but keep in mind that one there are resources out there to help you (employment wise, school wise, financially.. emotionally) and two that as bad as things are you have 2 choices: do nothing or keep trying. I KNOW that's easier said than done, but the 1st choice really doesn't seem appealing..and from everything you've said you sound like you are really determined to reach your goals and you've been through quite a lot and made it through ok.

    If there's people that you can think of, ie. in your hometown or where you went to school etc. call them up, even if you think they will be too busy. A real friend will take the time, and you never know who might know of some place hiring or a job opening (a lot of jobs come through word of mouth) or a service that might be able to help you..or just a shoulder to cry on, vent to... it's difficult to get out of those situations but for once, be selfish, and take advantage of what you should deserve: help from others. Don't look in places where you can't find it, ie. you don't need your parents telling you that it's your fault b/c you're not a good g/f. Your ex-b/f sounded like a really good guy to begin w/ and he did say he cares about you a lot... but he kind of forgot about the fact that he's leaving you behind w/ huge financial burdens and no social support whatsoever. Whatever his reason for the break-up, that seems very messed up. I don't know what to tell you... where is he right now? Did he leave town? Who signed the lease? Does he not have some obligation to help you w/ that?? If he truly does care about you he shouldn't have just left you like that, then again, he might think that he was stuck or that he had a good reason... maybe give it some time and then try to contact him? I don't know of how much use that will be....

    I'm sorry I don't have any better suggestions. But I guess my point is that you're not alone in this as bad as things seem and that there are ways out there to get back on your feet. I really wish you the best of luck and hope that you will find the strength to get through this.

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