Advertisement
Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. #1

    Finished my letters

    I've been severly depressed for about two years....I'm been cutting myself for about one year....I'm been semi suicidal for I dont' know a couple of months...I think today though I took it to a new level...I wrote my suicide letter...I wrote about ten of them to different people in my life..i.e..my mom, stepdad, sister, best friend ect...anyway I also planned my funeral...what I want to be burried in...what songs I want, who I want to read different stuff....I put it all in one yellow notebook...I don't have a date set right now at least and b/c I know my personality it would probably just happen one night that I just got to depressed to go on...anyway I'm not sure what the point of this post was...I just needed to type some of this out to maybe (hopefully) get myself thinking more clearly...right now I'm just scared of myself...it sucks-you know- to be afraid of yourself...if you're scared of another person or thing you can avoid those things/people...I can't avoid myself...anyway sorry to have wasted your time....but thanks for reading this anyway...
    How can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes.

  2. #2

    Finished my letters

    Kels, call a crisis line or make an urgent appointment with your therapist or doctor if you have one.

    The only reason this seems like a solution (maybe the only solution) at this time is because your thoughts and perceptions are distorted and unrealistic. This is not a pit - this is a tunnel. All you have to do to get back to the sunlight is to keep going. Find someone now to help you do that.

  3. #3

    Finished my letters

    Kels, I don't recall if you are seeing a therapist now. If you are, maybe you should see him/her more often, like twice a week, for example. (If you are not seeing a therapist now, then, of course, you really need to see one.)

    In the meantime, a national crisis/suicide hotline in the U.S. is 1-800-273-TALK.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North American lakes and rivers
    Posts
    4,832

    Finished my letters

    Kels,

    In 2002 I did exactly what you did - I wrote very long, detailed suicide letters to those close to me. I planned my funeral about ten years ago so that was done.

    Just the other day, I found that suicide letter that I wrote not so long ago. I remember what it was like to feel that way, but I'm so incredibly grateful that I don't anymore. I can't imagine going back to feeling like that.

    Like Dr. Baxter says - it's not a pit, it's a tunnel, and you have to keep going. Keep the letter, because when you are better (and you WILL get better), you can reread it and be thankful that things did get better.

    In the interim, as the others suggested, and yes, I'm a parrot, get some help right away. Either your therapist if you have one, or through a crisis line. There are people that want to help you, and can help you. Even if you think you're past the point of wanting to be helped - give it all you've got. You will be thankful later. Maybe not tomorrow or next month, but eventually - you WILL get better.
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

  5. #5

    Finished my letters

    I agree with the others Kels! Please get help now. I too am a parrot like BG mentioned but we are here. Call now!

  6. #6

    Re: finished my letters

    Quote Originally Posted by kels
    I've been severly depressed for about two years....I'm been cutting myself for about one year....I'm been semi suicidal for I dont' know a couple of months...I think today though I took it to a new level...I wrote my suicide letter...I wrote about ten of them to different people in my life..i.e..my mom, stepdad, sister, best friend ect..
    Hi Kels ... well ... I've sort of been where you are but I didn't reach out to people ... I just went about my quiet business but survived my attempt in spite of myself a few years back ... and am glad I survived. Many reasonas for my 'gladness" ... mostly relationships with loved ones who weren't ready for me "to be gone" ...

    You say you're depressed but don't really say a whole lot about why you would rather be gone than to stay with us and what do you want different so you feel like staying???

    Whats happening that you can't handle another day of but wish you could?

    Suicide is always an option ... ever6y moment is an opportunity for when people are ready to do that ... but your posting in here tells me you aren't ready to take that final step ... if not ... well .. we're here and open tpo hearing and walking you through this tough time.

    Suicide really is "forever" ... I don't think you're ready for that 'forever" ... or you really wouldn't have said anything to us ... sooooo ... cry and rage and gnaw and gnash your teeth ... and tell us, me, whoever ... how you would rather have things go ... if only ... ???

    Hey Kels ... talk to me okay? I know you want to talk.

    Someone who has been there .... K.
    Hugs from Kanadiana ...

  7. #7

    Finished my letters

    By the way kels ... for starters, I'm sorry I haven't been here much as of late, and haven't read all your posts, so all i know of you is the post you did in this thread ... and based on this scanty knowledge of you, I replied.....

    I do know that place, very well indeed, of being afraid of myself and my own end actions .... I've been there. I hope you'll choose to talk rather than follow through on suicide plans ... if anything, please remember, with suicide, it's a possibility for any time you choose. Hold off that final decision, coast ... talk ... think ... do whatever ... if you feel the same tomorrow ... well ... what can I say. that decision is final. It's so final that putting it off til tomorrow, and simply getting through this moment and day ... is all you should do. Stay here for this day ... a day at a time? ;)

    Hang in there. Don't be too impulsive ... this too ... may well pass ... give time and room for a changed mind and heart ;)

    Love and hugs .... K.
    Hugs from Kanadiana ...

  8. #8

    Finished my letters

    We're here for you, Kels. Just reach out. The option of suicide will still be there tomorrow, and next week, and next year. We'll be here, too. You're important to us, so I do hope you'll let us be important to you.

  9. #9

    Finished my letters

    hey Kels! I am so sorry things are this bad for you, but I do agree w/ everyone else that you should at least consider your options. The ironic thing to life is there's always alternatives, it's just a matter of whether we are able to see them and give them a chance. I'm not saying it's easier, trust me, I know it's not. And you're right, it's difficult b/c you're scared of yourself. But that also tells you that somewhere deep down you know your're not ready and that rational part of your mind knows this isn't what should happen.... I have been there, I have seen others be there, and I have seen others who have let go- and as cruel as life can be it can also be so beautiful, and you won't know all the good things that can happen and do happen if you dont' give them a chance. That dichotomous thininking that people fall into is not reality... in real life there's always options. You choosing to come here and write about this was an option. Taking one's life is an impulsive decision, even if you have thought about it and planned it out... you said yourself that it would probably just happen one night when you were too depressed to go on, but that means that for now and until then you do have that little bit of hope left, that little bit of will to hang on. Hang on Kels. And reach out and get whatevever help it is that you need. Depression and si are big demons to conquer and it won't be easy but they're not death sentences. Please, please, please call a Suicide Hotline, they're 24/7, whenever you need to, preferably now. We're here for you as everyone has said.

  10. #10

    Finished my letters

    I just want to thank everyone who replied...I am taking it basically minute by minute right now, and I am trying to keep the suicide hotline number w/ me pretty much all the time...I'm just going minute by minute and everyone and then second by second....thank you again for eveyone who replied...you have no idea how much that means to me...
    How can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Finished my first step in Narcotics Anonymous
    By kelsischanging in forum Addictive Behaviors - Substance Use and Abuse
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: July 29th, 2006, 12:21 AM
  2. Hi tech Dear John letters
    By David Baxter in forum Relationships
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 5th, 2004, 10:17 AM

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •